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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 741075" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Oh, I think her post is good. And dear Lil came from a kind family from what she has shared. And if this daughter was always nice before then I agree that it very well could be situational and fixable.</p><p></p><p>But this poster says in her first post that her daughter treats her as if she is not as good as her. That to me is a red flag to me as a chronic problem with this daughter that probably cant be so easily fixed and is not new to this difficult journey her daughter took on.</p><p></p><p> The more the history of being treated lesser than, the harder it is to fix. Some people dont talk things over well too. I am one of them. I dont like talking things over if they are contentious. I will hide before forcing a verbal fight. I was able to speak my mind more as a kid and young adult than now. Now I get so queasy at the thought that I dont. This is not a good thing. I am just saying that not everyone can comfortably clear the air with a good talkimg it out.</p><p></p><p> I think I stopped doing it because when I spoke my feelings they were invalidated. It takes loving and open and accepting people to be able to sit down and resolve conflicts. It is hard for people to hear themselves put in a negative light. They get defensive, if the chemistry is wrong. Even "How can I help you with Mom?" can turn into "Forget it. You cant. You wont. This should be your responsibility, not mine!"</p><p></p><p>I am not saying it works this way in all cases but it is hard to put yourself out there to those you love who may come back at you with sharp, angry answers. I cant do it. I admire those who can. Not everyone can remember in the moment that it is not about them. Wish I could.</p><p></p><p>Now....</p><p></p><p>Copa about the sisters. I think my sister's issue with me was a lot about her not knowing me well. She attributed my horrid social skills to hurting her on purpose. Sometimes I did try to hurt her after she hurt me. Once I friended all her FB friends knowing that it would drive her nuts after she called me up to yell at me for the type of birthday message I posted to her on her page. I was at a friends house and she could hear my sisters nasty call over something I had no idea would have offended her. It had been a joke and not in bad taste. I still dont really get her wrath over that.</p><p></p><p>I admit I still think its a bit funny that I did that passive aggressive thing to get back at her. Most of her friends did friend me and since she cut me off for a long time after that, they stayed my friends for a long time.</p><p></p><p>But my sister calling the police on me repeatedly for my sending her an email etc. WAS more about her than me. She wanted control and felt she needed to go extreme to get it. I didnt take the cops too personally because I knew she had big problems to go there and so often, but I didnt want the cops coming over....apologizing, stammering. They knew. Many of the same cops were her victims more than once.</p><p></p><p>Even though she was the one who blew the top off of "I will teach you a lesson" I certainly got my digs in. I admit I made mistakes. I personally feel she made more. And bigger ones. </p><p></p><p> Under no circumstances could we have ever talked things out because she would have never admitted that the cops were crazy. To the end she tried to pretend that she only called the cops one time. So nothing could have been talked out snd I didnt want to confront her about this. It would have been all about why it was justified calling the cops and I didnt want to hear the crap.</p><p></p><p>I am not sure how I got here lol. I guess you bringing up your sister triggered old irratation. I rarely think about her or any of my FOO anymore.</p><p></p><p>I guess I started out saying or MEANING that the high ground often means wrongly accepting blame and doesnt always work. I prefer to be quiet and let it be. For me, and ourselves is all we have, this worked the best. For Bart yes we will talk again but not for anyone else. Cant fix what is unfixable. Its like shattered glass sometimes.</p><p></p><p>Love and light! Sorry for rambling.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 741075, member: 1550"] Oh, I think her post is good. And dear Lil came from a kind family from what she has shared. And if this daughter was always nice before then I agree that it very well could be situational and fixable. But this poster says in her first post that her daughter treats her as if she is not as good as her. That to me is a red flag to me as a chronic problem with this daughter that probably cant be so easily fixed and is not new to this difficult journey her daughter took on. The more the history of being treated lesser than, the harder it is to fix. Some people dont talk things over well too. I am one of them. I dont like talking things over if they are contentious. I will hide before forcing a verbal fight. I was able to speak my mind more as a kid and young adult than now. Now I get so queasy at the thought that I dont. This is not a good thing. I am just saying that not everyone can comfortably clear the air with a good talkimg it out. I think I stopped doing it because when I spoke my feelings they were invalidated. It takes loving and open and accepting people to be able to sit down and resolve conflicts. It is hard for people to hear themselves put in a negative light. They get defensive, if the chemistry is wrong. Even "How can I help you with Mom?" can turn into "Forget it. You cant. You wont. This should be your responsibility, not mine!" I am not saying it works this way in all cases but it is hard to put yourself out there to those you love who may come back at you with sharp, angry answers. I cant do it. I admire those who can. Not everyone can remember in the moment that it is not about them. Wish I could. Now.... Copa about the sisters. I think my sister's issue with me was a lot about her not knowing me well. She attributed my horrid social skills to hurting her on purpose. Sometimes I did try to hurt her after she hurt me. Once I friended all her FB friends knowing that it would drive her nuts after she called me up to yell at me for the type of birthday message I posted to her on her page. I was at a friends house and she could hear my sisters nasty call over something I had no idea would have offended her. It had been a joke and not in bad taste. I still dont really get her wrath over that. I admit I still think its a bit funny that I did that passive aggressive thing to get back at her. Most of her friends did friend me and since she cut me off for a long time after that, they stayed my friends for a long time. But my sister calling the police on me repeatedly for my sending her an email etc. WAS more about her than me. She wanted control and felt she needed to go extreme to get it. I didnt take the cops too personally because I knew she had big problems to go there and so often, but I didnt want the cops coming over....apologizing, stammering. They knew. Many of the same cops were her victims more than once. Even though she was the one who blew the top off of "I will teach you a lesson" I certainly got my digs in. I admit I made mistakes. I personally feel she made more. And bigger ones. Under no circumstances could we have ever talked things out because she would have never admitted that the cops were crazy. To the end she tried to pretend that she only called the cops one time. So nothing could have been talked out snd I didnt want to confront her about this. It would have been all about why it was justified calling the cops and I didnt want to hear the crap. I am not sure how I got here lol. I guess you bringing up your sister triggered old irratation. I rarely think about her or any of my FOO anymore. I guess I started out saying or MEANING that the high ground often means wrongly accepting blame and doesnt always work. I prefer to be quiet and let it be. For me, and ourselves is all we have, this worked the best. For Bart yes we will talk again but not for anyone else. Cant fix what is unfixable. Its like shattered glass sometimes. Love and light! Sorry for rambling. [/QUOTE]
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