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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 741086" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Oh these can be very tricky waters to navigate. Anytime a family member steps in to take care of another family member, conflict can easily arise.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter has done a very generous act by taking in your mother. It's a commitment that cannot be taken lightly.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You said your mother can be manipulative. She may be telling your daughter things out of being hurt that you didn't take her in. Or, your daughter may feel superior for taking her in. There is no way to know the motivations behind what your daughter said. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Again, there is no way to know the motivation for why your daughter responded the way she did. I feel there are many more layers to all of this.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I find it very sad that your daughter was so disrespectful towards you. Regardless of her taking in grandma, it's just hurtful for her to throw it in your face.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You know your mother and your daughter. You know how they operate. Yes, your mother may very well be filling your daughter's head with all kinds of things but bottom line, you have no control over what your mother will tell your daughter or what your daughter will tell your mother or how either one of them will process the "information"</p><p></p><p></p><p>I think you are wise to plan for your own retirement. As much as we all might like to think our children will be there for us when we are older, well there is just no guarantee and setting forth our plan for the golden years is our best option.</p><p></p><p>My advise to you is to step back from it. Your daughter has taken on the responsibility for caring for grandma. Take the high road and be as supportive as you can. <span style="color: #ff0000">Do not give your daughter or mother any ammunition that they can use against you. </span>There's an old saying "Fake it till you make it"</p><p>I know it may rub you the wrong way but do things like, tell your daughter how much you appreciate the great care she is giving to grandma. How kind it was for her and son in law to take grandma in. Plan something for your mom like taking her out to lunch and make sure you share it with your daughter. Sometimes it's better to play the game because at least you will be in the game and not sitting on the sidelines.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you......................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 741086, member: 18516"] Oh these can be very tricky waters to navigate. Anytime a family member steps in to take care of another family member, conflict can easily arise. Your daughter has done a very generous act by taking in your mother. It's a commitment that cannot be taken lightly. You said your mother can be manipulative. She may be telling your daughter things out of being hurt that you didn't take her in. Or, your daughter may feel superior for taking her in. There is no way to know the motivations behind what your daughter said. Again, there is no way to know the motivation for why your daughter responded the way she did. I feel there are many more layers to all of this. I find it very sad that your daughter was so disrespectful towards you. Regardless of her taking in grandma, it's just hurtful for her to throw it in your face. You know your mother and your daughter. You know how they operate. Yes, your mother may very well be filling your daughter's head with all kinds of things but bottom line, you have no control over what your mother will tell your daughter or what your daughter will tell your mother or how either one of them will process the "information" I think you are wise to plan for your own retirement. As much as we all might like to think our children will be there for us when we are older, well there is just no guarantee and setting forth our plan for the golden years is our best option. My advise to you is to step back from it. Your daughter has taken on the responsibility for caring for grandma. Take the high road and be as supportive as you can. [COLOR=#ff0000]Do not give your daughter or mother any ammunition that they can use against you. [/COLOR]There's an old saying "Fake it till you make it" I know it may rub you the wrong way but do things like, tell your daughter how much you appreciate the great care she is giving to grandma. How kind it was for her and son in law to take grandma in. Plan something for your mom like taking her out to lunch and make sure you share it with your daughter. Sometimes it's better to play the game because at least you will be in the game and not sitting on the sidelines. ((HUGS)) to you...................... [/QUOTE]
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