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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 666884" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This post brings up so much for me. I am tired but will try.</p><p></p><p>First, D H is complete with his mother, completely different than was I with mine. He got enough. He can let her his mother go. Because he had his wonderful mother in life. I did not. As my mother died it only brought up everything that I had had to give up in order to survive and what I had missed.</p><p></p><p>Even more importantly, he can face the objective truth of her situation. And advocate for her best interests. Within himself. And for her. Some of my guilt is that I may have prolonged my mother's life, because of my complicated feelings.</p><p> This part really brings up a lot for me. My mother, too, loved life and had a strong life force. She too, wanted to live. Even as she died, she wanted to. Before I made the choice about the feeding tube, I asked her if she wanted to die (even though she was resisting food and could not safely eat). She answered "of course not." Given her attitude (and my grief and frantic desperation) M and I both believed that given the fact that she did not have a malady that she was dying from...and one doctor said she could potentially recover...we would leave it in G-d's hands. We felt to deprive her of food...when there existed a routine means to deliver it would be something we could and would not do.</p><p></p><p>The thing I realized as my mother's end of life came near...and never ever did before...was that when you are dying you are the most you you have ever been and ever will be. D H Mom is gloriously her, even in the land between life and death. One could say it is genetic and biological. I know it is not. It is spirit. The desire and capacity to survive and to thrive and to go forth. No matter what. Even when almost nothing is left.</p><p></p><p>It is beautiful. She is to be celebrated. Her children are made of that too. What a celebration of what she is. She will never let go. She will have to be taken out. How glorious.</p><p></p><p>That was how my Mom was. Near the end she got a deadly hospital based infection. As I understood it, it rendered all of her antibiotics completely ineffective. My mother fought to live until the elite killer troops came for her, and still she fought and lost. I never loved her more.</p><p></p><p>D H Mom is like that. She cannot let go. It is not in her. She will not. G-d will have to come and get her.</p><p>I know. This is not a woman who lets go. Never of one of her children or her grandchildren or anybody else who she loved. This is the woman who went to advocate for her 15 year old Dear Granddaughter to tell those people who her girl was, where she came from and who she belongs to. She cannot let go. It is not in her.</p><p></p><p>I know D H does not want his Mom to live like she was a shadow of herself. But <em>THIS IS WHO SHE IS.</em> She may not like the Assisted living place. She may not like it that she is ill and limited and without her kids close to order around. What does <em>like</em> matter to a spirit like hers? Yes. A celebration of beautiful family, Cedar. How perfectly beautiful a vision. I am tearing up here. Whatever way it goes. Everybody wins. That is how she made family.</p><p></p><p>We are thinking of you and D H and D H Mom.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 666884, member: 18958"] This post brings up so much for me. I am tired but will try. First, D H is complete with his mother, completely different than was I with mine. He got enough. He can let her his mother go. Because he had his wonderful mother in life. I did not. As my mother died it only brought up everything that I had had to give up in order to survive and what I had missed. Even more importantly, he can face the objective truth of her situation. And advocate for her best interests. Within himself. And for her. Some of my guilt is that I may have prolonged my mother's life, because of my complicated feelings. This part really brings up a lot for me. My mother, too, loved life and had a strong life force. She too, wanted to live. Even as she died, she wanted to. Before I made the choice about the feeding tube, I asked her if she wanted to die (even though she was resisting food and could not safely eat). She answered "of course not." Given her attitude (and my grief and frantic desperation) M and I both believed that given the fact that she did not have a malady that she was dying from...and one doctor said she could potentially recover...we would leave it in G-d's hands. We felt to deprive her of food...when there existed a routine means to deliver it would be something we could and would not do. The thing I realized as my mother's end of life came near...and never ever did before...was that when you are dying you are the most you you have ever been and ever will be. D H Mom is gloriously her, even in the land between life and death. One could say it is genetic and biological. I know it is not. It is spirit. The desire and capacity to survive and to thrive and to go forth. No matter what. Even when almost nothing is left. It is beautiful. She is to be celebrated. Her children are made of that too. What a celebration of what she is. She will never let go. She will have to be taken out. How glorious. That was how my Mom was. Near the end she got a deadly hospital based infection. As I understood it, it rendered all of her antibiotics completely ineffective. My mother fought to live until the elite killer troops came for her, and still she fought and lost. I never loved her more. D H Mom is like that. She cannot let go. It is not in her. She will not. G-d will have to come and get her. I know. This is not a woman who lets go. Never of one of her children or her grandchildren or anybody else who she loved. This is the woman who went to advocate for her 15 year old Dear Granddaughter to tell those people who her girl was, where she came from and who she belongs to. She cannot let go. It is not in her. I know D H does not want his Mom to live like she was a shadow of herself. But [I]THIS IS WHO SHE IS.[/I] She may not like the Assisted living place. She may not like it that she is ill and limited and without her kids close to order around. What does [I]like[/I] matter to a spirit like hers? Yes. A celebration of beautiful family, Cedar. How perfectly beautiful a vision. I am tearing up here. Whatever way it goes. Everybody wins. That is how she made family. We are thinking of you and D H and D H Mom. [/QUOTE]
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