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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 351131" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Hello! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I am that type of system gal!</p><p> </p><p>I set up something very similar with my son when he was 11 years old. It seems like ages ago! We made three lists on poster boards. One list for how to earn points, one on how to loose points, and one on what points can be turned in to. The how to loose was very very short and consisted on specific behaviors we were working on like touching the car door handle to open it before the car was in park. We did not focus or use that one much.</p><p> </p><p>You are on the right track of taking away as much negative wording as you can. On your list you had two that still needed help figuring out: "No arguing" can be "present your concerns in a calm manner and accept the final answer" (make a habit of saying "Final answer" when it is given) and "Be respectful towards other's things" can be "Ask permission to see and use someone else's things."</p><p> </p><p>I would be careful about starting something out with a large amount of credits to be lowered in the future. That is not going to go over well. Instead, you can add another smaller item of "stress free meal time" meaning that he behaved appropriatley and followed your home's meal rules. Similar to what you are doing regarding the brush teeth.</p><p> </p><p>For the troubling behaviours of wetting and smearing, you are correct that it should not be punished. I can also see where it would be overwhelming for him to clean it on his own, however, since he is 12 years old, he is old enough to HELP you clean it up. Stay calm when you find it, "difficult child, I see there is a mess here, Can I help you clean it up?" Start by having him fill a bucket with soapy water and watch as you do the cleaning. Teach him how to dispose of the dirty water and what do you do with the rags you used? After awhile of him helping set up the cleaning process and cleaning up the products you used, he can be asked to help wash.</p><p> </p><p>Working along side of him in as many of the chores as you can (or everyone cleans their areas at the same time) will help also. He will pick up a feeling of team work instead of him cleaning by himself. </p><p> </p><p>I have to run now! I will try to check back soon to see how things are going and to offer more support!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 351131, member: 5096"] Hello! :) I am that type of system gal! I set up something very similar with my son when he was 11 years old. It seems like ages ago! We made three lists on poster boards. One list for how to earn points, one on how to loose points, and one on what points can be turned in to. The how to loose was very very short and consisted on specific behaviors we were working on like touching the car door handle to open it before the car was in park. We did not focus or use that one much. You are on the right track of taking away as much negative wording as you can. On your list you had two that still needed help figuring out: "No arguing" can be "present your concerns in a calm manner and accept the final answer" (make a habit of saying "Final answer" when it is given) and "Be respectful towards other's things" can be "Ask permission to see and use someone else's things." I would be careful about starting something out with a large amount of credits to be lowered in the future. That is not going to go over well. Instead, you can add another smaller item of "stress free meal time" meaning that he behaved appropriatley and followed your home's meal rules. Similar to what you are doing regarding the brush teeth. For the troubling behaviours of wetting and smearing, you are correct that it should not be punished. I can also see where it would be overwhelming for him to clean it on his own, however, since he is 12 years old, he is old enough to HELP you clean it up. Stay calm when you find it, "difficult child, I see there is a mess here, Can I help you clean it up?" Start by having him fill a bucket with soapy water and watch as you do the cleaning. Teach him how to dispose of the dirty water and what do you do with the rags you used? After awhile of him helping set up the cleaning process and cleaning up the products you used, he can be asked to help wash. Working along side of him in as many of the chores as you can (or everyone cleans their areas at the same time) will help also. He will pick up a feeling of team work instead of him cleaning by himself. I have to run now! I will try to check back soon to see how things are going and to offer more support! [/QUOTE]
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