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Daughter 24 stole from me
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 681290" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I cannot imagine what an explanation would be for robbing her mother and letting her sister hang out to dry.</p><p></p><p>I think she would just be digging herself deeper.</p><p></p><p>I am curious what she herself does think the explanation is. Mental illness? Addiction? Greed?</p><p></p><p>Do you really think she knows? Is she attempting to pull the wool over her own eyes, or her sister's, and your own?</p><p>The thing is, we know what she did, but I am not clear as to why, nor do I believe that she could know why is so short of a time.</p><p></p><p>I would not believe one thing she says at this point. Not because she is lying, but because she could not know why she did it.</p><p></p><p>Not something so big as this.</p><p></p><p>I would wonder if beneath your anger at her is something else, something more difficult: fear.</p><p>I wonder if you, like me, fear that you may have lost your child forever and completely. That she has become somebody that you do not know. I wonder if you fear, like me, that she is somebody that you may love, but cannot respect or admire or trust or even like.</p><p></p><p>I say these horrible things, not to make you feel bad, but because I believe we must face them, our fears, in order to be able to come to grips with our situations.</p><p></p><p>I am furious with my son. But I am horrified that he will stay the person that he seems to be now. Simply horrified. I just cannot accept it. So I am angry all of the time, so that I am less afraid.</p><p></p><p>Because I must fear that if I do not like my son, I can no longer love him as fiercely as I do. I cannot reconcile this great love of my life/with somebody who I cannot fully respect or admire.</p><p></p><p>I feel helpless in the face of this. Feeling helpless is intolerable so I feel angry.</p><p></p><p>Many parents here have succeeded in detaching where their own self-concept is not tied to their feelings about their child. They do not take personally what their child does or not do. I am not there yet. Nor do I think I ever wish to be. (Although I certainly long for this peace.)</p><p></p><p>I adore my son. He really is the love of my life and the pivot, the crux, the hub around which everything else turns, for me. (I cringe here because I know I am revealing too much. This dysfunctional love of mine.)</p><p>I have only one child. I raised him alone. My relationships with my small family were strained. All of the love of a lifetime, I gave to my son.</p><p></p><p>I sometimes feel like a spurned lover, now. It seems a rebuke when he will not get it together and be what I need him to be, want him to be. Which is functioning and content. That is all I ask (except for maybe that he be healthy and not lie so much.)</p><p></p><p>I feel like erasing this entire post. But maybe somebody else will read it and see the key that will set me free.</p><p></p><p>I feel very sorry for us.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 681290, member: 18958"] I cannot imagine what an explanation would be for robbing her mother and letting her sister hang out to dry. I think she would just be digging herself deeper. I am curious what she herself does think the explanation is. Mental illness? Addiction? Greed? Do you really think she knows? Is she attempting to pull the wool over her own eyes, or her sister's, and your own? The thing is, we know what she did, but I am not clear as to why, nor do I believe that she could know why is so short of a time. I would not believe one thing she says at this point. Not because she is lying, but because she could not know why she did it. Not something so big as this. I would wonder if beneath your anger at her is something else, something more difficult: fear. I wonder if you, like me, fear that you may have lost your child forever and completely. That she has become somebody that you do not know. I wonder if you fear, like me, that she is somebody that you may love, but cannot respect or admire or trust or even like. I say these horrible things, not to make you feel bad, but because I believe we must face them, our fears, in order to be able to come to grips with our situations. I am furious with my son. But I am horrified that he will stay the person that he seems to be now. Simply horrified. I just cannot accept it. So I am angry all of the time, so that I am less afraid. Because I must fear that if I do not like my son, I can no longer love him as fiercely as I do. I cannot reconcile this great love of my life/with somebody who I cannot fully respect or admire. I feel helpless in the face of this. Feeling helpless is intolerable so I feel angry. Many parents here have succeeded in detaching where their own self-concept is not tied to their feelings about their child. They do not take personally what their child does or not do. I am not there yet. Nor do I think I ever wish to be. (Although I certainly long for this peace.) I adore my son. He really is the love of my life and the pivot, the crux, the hub around which everything else turns, for me. (I cringe here because I know I am revealing too much. This dysfunctional love of mine.) I have only one child. I raised him alone. My relationships with my small family were strained. All of the love of a lifetime, I gave to my son. I sometimes feel like a spurned lover, now. It seems a rebuke when he will not get it together and be what I need him to be, want him to be. Which is functioning and content. That is all I ask (except for maybe that he be healthy and not lie so much.) I feel like erasing this entire post. But maybe somebody else will read it and see the key that will set me free. I feel very sorry for us. COPA [/QUOTE]
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