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Daughter 24 stole from me
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 681296" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>This weekend my brother-in-law and I were talking about d.c.'s latest and he said, "How strange it has become, that if we saw him coming down the street, he would make us uncomfortable. We would instinctively want to cross the street. He has become a person who makes everyone who knows him uncomfortable."</p><p></p><p>You capture my feelings perfectly, Copa, and I think you are right...underneath it all is fear. In looking back, I gave up a lot of things to be what I thought was a "good" parent. And while I was the same degree of "good" with my daughter, it did not require as much sacrifice. In my mind...."My son needs fixing, and by God his mother is just the person to do it! My love is limitless! It does not matter what sacrifices must be made, I *WILL* set this right! I will be the LAST one to give up faith, the ONLY one to see all the good that I just know is lying just under the surface. I am the ONLY one who REALLY understands him."</p><p></p><p>How's that for cringe-worthy? How warped my view, to not even be able to consider that everyone else was seeing reality and it was me that was wrong.</p><p></p><p>How ego-filled, to assume that *I* am the right person for the job of "fixing" any other human being, even my own child. Everyone has a mother.</p><p></p><p>How disrespectful I have been to him as a person, to assume I know what needs fixing and to rob him of the chance to learn and grow from his own mistakes.</p><p></p><p>And of course when I fail at this impossible task, what does that mean about me, about who I am as a person? Even on the most terrible, gut-wrenching days, he was the reason I got up in the mornings most days. Who am I, if I'm not the person fixing him?</p><p></p><p>I fear for him, of course, for how it will likely end for him if he doesn't change. And I fear that the person I thought he was is gone for good and that I won't ever want to have much of a connection with the person he's become.</p><p></p><p>But I think now I am plodding through another valley of fear now, the fear of facing the regret of how I chose to live the one life I've been given.</p><p></p><p>I think it was Cedar who once said that there are worse things than to be a fool for love. It was love, at least I can say that. But it was bound to end badly. I put too much of myself into it.</p><p></p><p>In your case, though, Copa, I have to say that the first thing that comes to my mind when I read about your son is how very fortunate he has been to have landed in your life. He may not be all that you hoped, but think of where he could be, by all rights where he should be, if the odds against him had played out. I think you don't always see your positive influence.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 681296, member: 17720"] This weekend my brother-in-law and I were talking about d.c.'s latest and he said, "How strange it has become, that if we saw him coming down the street, he would make us uncomfortable. We would instinctively want to cross the street. He has become a person who makes everyone who knows him uncomfortable." You capture my feelings perfectly, Copa, and I think you are right...underneath it all is fear. In looking back, I gave up a lot of things to be what I thought was a "good" parent. And while I was the same degree of "good" with my daughter, it did not require as much sacrifice. In my mind...."My son needs fixing, and by God his mother is just the person to do it! My love is limitless! It does not matter what sacrifices must be made, I *WILL* set this right! I will be the LAST one to give up faith, the ONLY one to see all the good that I just know is lying just under the surface. I am the ONLY one who REALLY understands him." How's that for cringe-worthy? How warped my view, to not even be able to consider that everyone else was seeing reality and it was me that was wrong. How ego-filled, to assume that *I* am the right person for the job of "fixing" any other human being, even my own child. Everyone has a mother. How disrespectful I have been to him as a person, to assume I know what needs fixing and to rob him of the chance to learn and grow from his own mistakes. And of course when I fail at this impossible task, what does that mean about me, about who I am as a person? Even on the most terrible, gut-wrenching days, he was the reason I got up in the mornings most days. Who am I, if I'm not the person fixing him? I fear for him, of course, for how it will likely end for him if he doesn't change. And I fear that the person I thought he was is gone for good and that I won't ever want to have much of a connection with the person he's become. But I think now I am plodding through another valley of fear now, the fear of facing the regret of how I chose to live the one life I've been given. I think it was Cedar who once said that there are worse things than to be a fool for love. It was love, at least I can say that. But it was bound to end badly. I put too much of myself into it. In your case, though, Copa, I have to say that the first thing that comes to my mind when I read about your son is how very fortunate he has been to have landed in your life. He may not be all that you hoped, but think of where he could be, by all rights where he should be, if the odds against him had played out. I think you don't always see your positive influence. [/QUOTE]
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