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Daughter 24 stole from me
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 681449" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I think we are saying the same things, a little differently. <em>We are the safest targets</em>. My daughters took from us. They broke into our house to get inside, no thought about damage to the screens, the money and inconvenience and hurt for us. They wanted what they wanted.</p><p>There is something that drives this beyond what we know. I do not think it is tit for tat, either. It is a thought so all consuming, whether it be substance abuse, shopping addiction, mental illness, the need drives a person beyond all reason and rhyme.</p><p>Not to say there is no responsibility in the act of it, but I do believe they are not thinking in their right minds. The want, need, has superseded all else. There is no rational thought.</p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><strong>"Don’t take addiction personally</strong></span></p><p>Sometimes family members take the addiction personally feeling that they are somehow responsible. Family members must come to realize that a person in the grip of an addiction is no longer acting with free will. Often times the person is simply trying to survive from one day to the next. They are not deliberately trying to hurt you, but are quite literally so obsessed with the intense need to locate their next drink, fix, or hit that they are unable to think about anything else."</p><p></p><p>from <a href="https://stonewallinstitute.com/for-family-loved-ones/" target="_blank">https://stonewallinstitute.com/for-family-loved-ones/</a> - (this is for drug and alcohol addiction, but shopping addiction is said to be just as bad....)</p><p></p><p>Devastated, learning about whatever is happening with your daughter may help you to understand it a little better, and to process it. I am not saying it will give you immediate relief, that takes time. While you are constantly thinking of this and grieving, learning about it may be a more proactive way to spend your time, then when you are ready, you can focus on healing.</p><p></p><p>You can start to build your toolbox to be ready for whatever may come around the bend.</p><p></p><p>Have you given more thought to seeing a counselor? It helped me to see a professional who could explain to me what was going on with my two. She also had resources for me, this gave me some direction and comfort in a very confusing time.</p><p></p><p>I understand the pain of this. When the kids started going off the rails, I felt as if I was on a parallel path with them. There was an all consuming, paralyzing grief. Went through many stages. Sure, I went to work and struggled with daily tasks, but underneath it all was this gut wrenching feeling of loss. I would wake in the middle of the night, just thinking and thinking. A lot of my earlier posts here, were written in the wee hours of the morning, I just couldn't sleep well.</p><p></p><p>There is a light at the end of this tunnel, but it does take time and work to get to it.</p><p></p><p>You will get to that light, Devastated. It is all so new for you now. Take the time you need to get your feelings out. Keep posting here. There isn't anything you could write that would shock folks here, most of us have run the mill of emotions over our adult children. Posting helps. It is a way to get it out and vent and receive responses from others who have felt the sting of wondering what the heck happened to our beloved kids.</p><p></p><p>We are all at different places along this path. Looking back, I remember the raw feelings searing right through to my bones.</p><p></p><p>Every once in a while, I am caught off guard with an overwhelming sadness. I say a quick prayer, and try to switch my focus. You have value and you matter. Be very kind to yourself.</p><p></p><p>You will be okay, D. Please know that you are not alone.</p><p>We have all been where you are at, on a similar path.</p><p>We understand.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 681449, member: 19522"] I think we are saying the same things, a little differently. [I]We are the safest targets[/I]. My daughters took from us. They broke into our house to get inside, no thought about damage to the screens, the money and inconvenience and hurt for us. They wanted what they wanted. There is something that drives this beyond what we know. I do not think it is tit for tat, either. It is a thought so all consuming, whether it be substance abuse, shopping addiction, mental illness, the need drives a person beyond all reason and rhyme. Not to say there is no responsibility in the act of it, but I do believe they are not thinking in their right minds. The want, need, has superseded all else. There is no rational thought. [SIZE=4][B]"Don’t take addiction personally[/B][/SIZE] Sometimes family members take the addiction personally feeling that they are somehow responsible. Family members must come to realize that a person in the grip of an addiction is no longer acting with free will. Often times the person is simply trying to survive from one day to the next. They are not deliberately trying to hurt you, but are quite literally so obsessed with the intense need to locate their next drink, fix, or hit that they are unable to think about anything else." from [URL]https://stonewallinstitute.com/for-family-loved-ones/[/URL] - (this is for drug and alcohol addiction, but shopping addiction is said to be just as bad....) Devastated, learning about whatever is happening with your daughter may help you to understand it a little better, and to process it. I am not saying it will give you immediate relief, that takes time. While you are constantly thinking of this and grieving, learning about it may be a more proactive way to spend your time, then when you are ready, you can focus on healing. You can start to build your toolbox to be ready for whatever may come around the bend. Have you given more thought to seeing a counselor? It helped me to see a professional who could explain to me what was going on with my two. She also had resources for me, this gave me some direction and comfort in a very confusing time. I understand the pain of this. When the kids started going off the rails, I felt as if I was on a parallel path with them. There was an all consuming, paralyzing grief. Went through many stages. Sure, I went to work and struggled with daily tasks, but underneath it all was this gut wrenching feeling of loss. I would wake in the middle of the night, just thinking and thinking. A lot of my earlier posts here, were written in the wee hours of the morning, I just couldn't sleep well. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, but it does take time and work to get to it. You will get to that light, Devastated. It is all so new for you now. Take the time you need to get your feelings out. Keep posting here. There isn't anything you could write that would shock folks here, most of us have run the mill of emotions over our adult children. Posting helps. It is a way to get it out and vent and receive responses from others who have felt the sting of wondering what the heck happened to our beloved kids. We are all at different places along this path. Looking back, I remember the raw feelings searing right through to my bones. Every once in a while, I am caught off guard with an overwhelming sadness. I say a quick prayer, and try to switch my focus. You have value and you matter. Be very kind to yourself. You will be okay, D. Please know that you are not alone. We have all been where you are at, on a similar path. We understand. (((HUGS)) leafy [/QUOTE]
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