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Daughter 24 stole from me
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 681767" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>There were times when my daughter was so awful, I would say things to hurt her back. It is a natural response to want to not only defend yourself, but hurt the person hurting you. It is almost instinct. This NEVER works. As SWOT stated, you can't shame someone or guilt someone into "feeling bad" for what they did. That person has to come to those conclusions on their own through self-reflection. Sadly, some never do. Hurting my daughter only made her resent me more, added "fuel to her fire" toward me, and would be later thrown in my face and I would feel so badly for the things I had said. I have learned to keep my feelings to myself and vent them elsewhere - here, my few close friends who know the situation, my husband. When she escalates and is ugly to me, I just end the conversation - even if it means leaving, not answering texts or hanging up the phone.</p><p></p><p>As for your feelings of awkwardness, those are natural too. You have been blindsided with the reality that your child is not who you thought she was, that she is capable of things you don't understand, and that she has hurt you in a way you have never felt before. It sounds as though she is truly remorseful and making the steps in the right direction to make amends. It will take time for your awkward feelings to subside. You are going to shy away from that which hurt you. For me, it is an ebb and flow with my daughter, because she has never taken any steps to make amends or change. She has fooled me a few times, and I have tentatively welcomed her back in, awkwardly at first, felt myself soften, and then had it blow up in my face again. It gets harder and harder to let myself soften and the awkwardness subside, but even in my situation, I have times when I can feel closer to normal with my daughter. They are few and far between and I cherish them, but I have learned not to raise my hopes that "this time is the corner turned." I don't think, and sincerely hope it won't be, the case with your daughter.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 681767, member: 19905"] There were times when my daughter was so awful, I would say things to hurt her back. It is a natural response to want to not only defend yourself, but hurt the person hurting you. It is almost instinct. This NEVER works. As SWOT stated, you can't shame someone or guilt someone into "feeling bad" for what they did. That person has to come to those conclusions on their own through self-reflection. Sadly, some never do. Hurting my daughter only made her resent me more, added "fuel to her fire" toward me, and would be later thrown in my face and I would feel so badly for the things I had said. I have learned to keep my feelings to myself and vent them elsewhere - here, my few close friends who know the situation, my husband. When she escalates and is ugly to me, I just end the conversation - even if it means leaving, not answering texts or hanging up the phone. As for your feelings of awkwardness, those are natural too. You have been blindsided with the reality that your child is not who you thought she was, that she is capable of things you don't understand, and that she has hurt you in a way you have never felt before. It sounds as though she is truly remorseful and making the steps in the right direction to make amends. It will take time for your awkward feelings to subside. You are going to shy away from that which hurt you. For me, it is an ebb and flow with my daughter, because she has never taken any steps to make amends or change. She has fooled me a few times, and I have tentatively welcomed her back in, awkwardly at first, felt myself soften, and then had it blow up in my face again. It gets harder and harder to let myself soften and the awkwardness subside, but even in my situation, I have times when I can feel closer to normal with my daughter. They are few and far between and I cherish them, but I have learned not to raise my hopes that "this time is the corner turned." I don't think, and sincerely hope it won't be, the case with your daughter. [/QUOTE]
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