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Daughter 24 stole from me
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 681785" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>Copa -</p><p></p><p>My daughter has Borderline (BPD). No matter how I phrase it - as a rebuke, a gentle "you know better," "you have hurt me," whatever - that is not what her brain interprets. Her mind is wired to pick up on certain things and ignore others, completely misreading the intention of the message. I think, in my opinion, that whether or not someone has a mental disorder, when they are in a place of anger, denial, resentment, addiction, messages don't come across as the messenger intended and actions are things that cannot be misremembered or picked apart for hidden meanings. Sometimes I think they enjoy working us up into a frenzy, controlling our emotions by getting us upset, engaging us in circular arguments.</p><p></p><p> I am still "guiding" my daughter to show her that her choices and behaviors are not acceptable by refusing to give her attention, engage her in arguments, or let her control my emotions. I stop everything and she has no doubt that what she has said or done is not ok. </p><p></p><p>An adult child who is rational, clear and level headed could honestly listen to a parent give guidance. I think the majority of difficult adult children cannot. At least not where they are right now. The day they can is when they are in a place where we can have normal relationships with them. The relationships we have with them now require a different approach, in my opinion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 681785, member: 19905"] Copa - My daughter has Borderline (BPD). No matter how I phrase it - as a rebuke, a gentle "you know better," "you have hurt me," whatever - that is not what her brain interprets. Her mind is wired to pick up on certain things and ignore others, completely misreading the intention of the message. I think, in my opinion, that whether or not someone has a mental disorder, when they are in a place of anger, denial, resentment, addiction, messages don't come across as the messenger intended and actions are things that cannot be misremembered or picked apart for hidden meanings. Sometimes I think they enjoy working us up into a frenzy, controlling our emotions by getting us upset, engaging us in circular arguments. I am still "guiding" my daughter to show her that her choices and behaviors are not acceptable by refusing to give her attention, engage her in arguments, or let her control my emotions. I stop everything and she has no doubt that what she has said or done is not ok. An adult child who is rational, clear and level headed could honestly listen to a parent give guidance. I think the majority of difficult adult children cannot. At least not where they are right now. The day they can is when they are in a place where we can have normal relationships with them. The relationships we have with them now require a different approach, in my opinion. [/QUOTE]
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