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Daughter and Christmas
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 705379" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I was having this exact conversation with my son today.</p><p></p><p>I was trying to tell him that each one of us feels their own personal burdens in a way that nobody else does. If we choose to focus on them. The emphasis being on CHOICE. That 99.99 percent of the world suffers more than him, or I, is not to minimize our own suffering. It is however to emphasize the point that we do have the choice either to focus on our own suffering, or the rest of the world who suffers with us.</p><p></p><p>He seemed to hear me. A little bit.</p><p></p><p>I think what unites us, with our kids, is our hyper-focus on their suffering. And on our own.</p><p></p><p>From this I am taking the learning, that I am playing into this big-time. I am learning that I can always choose to shift my focus. Away from myself. And if I take my focus away from myself, I focus less on my child, and I feel more effective as a mother, and a person. That I not do so, is my choice.</p><p></p><p>There is this quality of our difficult children hitting deeply vulnerability parts of ourselves. Those of you with multiple children experience it with one or two, and not with others. Is it necessarily--that they are difficult our children, or that they touch a spot in us we experience with difficulty?</p><p></p><p>There is the question: What came first, the chicken or egg? Is there a way that our relationships to some extent determined a little bit the impending difficulties? Did our difficult relationship with them contribute to their suffering, or their feeling indulged, special, and difficult? I am not sure.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 705379, member: 18958"] I was having this exact conversation with my son today. I was trying to tell him that each one of us feels their own personal burdens in a way that nobody else does. If we choose to focus on them. The emphasis being on CHOICE. That 99.99 percent of the world suffers more than him, or I, is not to minimize our own suffering. It is however to emphasize the point that we do have the choice either to focus on our own suffering, or the rest of the world who suffers with us. He seemed to hear me. A little bit. I think what unites us, with our kids, is our hyper-focus on their suffering. And on our own. From this I am taking the learning, that I am playing into this big-time. I am learning that I can always choose to shift my focus. Away from myself. And if I take my focus away from myself, I focus less on my child, and I feel more effective as a mother, and a person. That I not do so, is my choice. There is this quality of our difficult children hitting deeply vulnerability parts of ourselves. Those of you with multiple children experience it with one or two, and not with others. Is it necessarily--that they are difficult our children, or that they touch a spot in us we experience with difficulty? There is the question: What came first, the chicken or egg? Is there a way that our relationships to some extent determined a little bit the impending difficulties? Did our difficult relationship with them contribute to their suffering, or their feeling indulged, special, and difficult? I am not sure. [/QUOTE]
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