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Daughter Crashes Vehicle for 2nd Time...
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 757131" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>CP,</p><p></p><p>We do ourselves a dis-service when we allow others to make us feel through manipulation or otherwise, that our boundaries are not valuable. By doing so we're telling ourselves, we are not valuable.</p><p></p><p>It's years of this behavior that has made you feel small, unimportant and afraid. At least that's what I feel for myself. We are also "sick" as they say in Al anon and we have behaviors and patterns of doing and thinking certain ways that have become like a knee-jerk reaction for us because it's what we've done to survive. Until we can detach from the situation a bit and realize there's actually other options and one is to try not to wallow in our adult childrens sadness and misery which at time seems never changing, never ending and suffocating.</p><p></p><p>It all takes a "U-turn" back to us in the end to be the change in the situation. For myself, I kept waiting, waiting, assisting, enabling, begging, pleading, manipulating etc., my sons thinking this one more thing I will do for them will either save them if they were in crisis or put them on the right path and I would be the one who saved the day again.</p><p></p><p>You don't have to save the day. Turn your daughter over to God and pray not only for her but maybe just maybe more importantly for yourself. I often forgot and still do until I'm reminded..."I'm no more important than my dependent, ill adult sons BUT I am no less than them either." </p><p></p><p>Sending hugs and hopes that you will try taking some steps forward and see how they feel. I can see even in your last post you are thinking this way which is a good sign.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 757131, member: 23405"] CP, We do ourselves a dis-service when we allow others to make us feel through manipulation or otherwise, that our boundaries are not valuable. By doing so we're telling ourselves, we are not valuable. It's years of this behavior that has made you feel small, unimportant and afraid. At least that's what I feel for myself. We are also "sick" as they say in Al anon and we have behaviors and patterns of doing and thinking certain ways that have become like a knee-jerk reaction for us because it's what we've done to survive. Until we can detach from the situation a bit and realize there's actually other options and one is to try not to wallow in our adult childrens sadness and misery which at time seems never changing, never ending and suffocating. It all takes a "U-turn" back to us in the end to be the change in the situation. For myself, I kept waiting, waiting, assisting, enabling, begging, pleading, manipulating etc., my sons thinking this one more thing I will do for them will either save them if they were in crisis or put them on the right path and I would be the one who saved the day again. You don't have to save the day. Turn your daughter over to God and pray not only for her but maybe just maybe more importantly for yourself. I often forgot and still do until I'm reminded..."I'm no more important than my dependent, ill adult sons BUT I am no less than them either." Sending hugs and hopes that you will try taking some steps forward and see how they feel. I can see even in your last post you are thinking this way which is a good sign. [/QUOTE]
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Daughter Crashes Vehicle for 2nd Time...
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