Well. As I see you've already got a Ph.D. in getting through this and this small paragraph above is your dissertation with honors.
I say to you welcome to this group. The only way to get through this is to begin to see that this is about you transforming, just as much as it is about your child.
Our children in a way are our teachers. We cannot change them. We can't get them to do what we feel we need them to do. All of this, really, is we believe our own sense of wholeness and well-being depends upon them and their welfare. That's not true. Our children force us back to ourselves.
But we can restore ourselves to wholeness, and recognize that when we feel broken, and it has their name on it, it's really us. We can learn to do this. And we only have the potential to restore a sense of wholeness in ourselves when the playing field is us. We have zero control over them.
Nothing we do, say, buy, or arrange helps-unless they are full partners. By allowing your daughter responsibility for and agency in her life, you help set the stage for recovery, for both of you. You said it better yourself. It is very hard. But it's worth it. It was always an illusion that we could protect them 100 percent. Even more so now.
