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Parent Emeritus
Daughter in hospital
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 706415" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Do not think you can cut the bonds you feel. You can't. That's not what we mean when we say to detach. Detaching is a survival skill for us. It means to love them in our hearts, but to detach from their problems that are usually of their own making. Do not step in to fix it. </p><p> That makes you feel useless as it doesn't work and personality disordered adults do not change, feel remorse, or love unconditionally like other people. And many of our very adult kids feel That you either save them or you are a "bad" mother, a terrible person. It's not true and who wants to hear that?</p><p></p><p>They don't want mature mother/ daughter relationships. They want a mommy to kiss it and make it better. Or else rage. Not normal. You can't put up with this or it can make you doubt yourself and get sick and it's not worth it.</p><p></p><p>Keep looking out for yourself. Your daughter grew up long ago. It's her choice what she chooses to do with her adulthood. But she's no child anymore.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 706415, member: 1550"] Do not think you can cut the bonds you feel. You can't. That's not what we mean when we say to detach. Detaching is a survival skill for us. It means to love them in our hearts, but to detach from their problems that are usually of their own making. Do not step in to fix it. That makes you feel useless as it doesn't work and personality disordered adults do not change, feel remorse, or love unconditionally like other people. And many of our very adult kids feel That you either save them or you are a "bad" mother, a terrible person. It's not true and who wants to hear that? They don't want mature mother/ daughter relationships. They want a mommy to kiss it and make it better. Or else rage. Not normal. You can't put up with this or it can make you doubt yourself and get sick and it's not worth it. Keep looking out for yourself. Your daughter grew up long ago. It's her choice what she chooses to do with her adulthood. But she's no child anymore. [/QUOTE]
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