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Daughter is 22 and has cut us out of her life am devastated.....
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 684085" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Grandparents will take their cue from you. If you downplay this and take out the emotion when you tell them, they will not think it is extreme.</p><p></p><p>Actually the extremity comes from the feelings attached. You have a choice (whether or not you feel this) to normalize it. It is just one bad behavior by your daughter. You do not have to feel it to be more than that. You choose. How many times have our children behaved poorly? Millions of times.</p><p></p><p>You can walk this back. You can take what she says with a grain of salt. She is just acting the idiot, I think. She can act like she does not need you<em> but she does</em> or she would not have acted out with such theatrics. I would let her dance around her merry way. And try my very best <em>to pretend</em> it does not touch me. Trust me. I feel fairly sure she will soon be in touch. Take your power back. You have it all in you.</p><p></p><p>I would tell grandparents part of the truth: Daughter is in a snit and there is a difference of opinion about a repayment schedule. She is fine. We are fine. It will all be worked out soon. (If you are paying her rent how is it that you do not know where she is? How do you not have access in some way to a place you are subsidizing? This I do not quite understand. Could the gifts not be sent there? And let her be responsible for acting correctly with the grandparents? Why are you responsible for any poor behavior by her? You cannot be held responsible for <em>everything</em>. That is not either realistic or bearable.)</p><p></p><p>These things happen in families. This is really no big deal unless you make it a big deal. I would be careful not to build this up into something earthshaking either about her, your relationship or most importantly, about you. You are the same person you always were. Remember this: the hurt that is triggered in the main is from the past. You can deal with that now. Apart from her and the pain she is triggering which in the main she did not cause.</p><p></p><p>I am remembering something somebody told me once. It was something like when the boss would be a bully, they thought of him with his clothes off. Like emperor with no clothes. And they would laugh and the fear or anger would be diffused. Think of daughter as 2 years old, when she would throw her food out of the high chair, a fit when she did not want to go to bed, or substitute another undignified memory that will put this behavior by her in the context it deserves.</p><p></p><p>She is throwing a little tizzy fit and she is acting badly. You are her parents. You know how to do this. All the rest of it is noise and posturing.</p><p></p><p>Take your power back. You have it. It is yours.</p><p></p><p>PS I am glad you have lovely and loyal friends and a lovely husband. They are your support now. I hope you stay with us and let us know how things develop.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 684085, member: 18958"] Grandparents will take their cue from you. If you downplay this and take out the emotion when you tell them, they will not think it is extreme. Actually the extremity comes from the feelings attached. You have a choice (whether or not you feel this) to normalize it. It is just one bad behavior by your daughter. You do not have to feel it to be more than that. You choose. How many times have our children behaved poorly? Millions of times. You can walk this back. You can take what she says with a grain of salt. She is just acting the idiot, I think. She can act like she does not need you[I] but she does[/I] or she would not have acted out with such theatrics. I would let her dance around her merry way. And try my very best [I]to pretend[/I] it does not touch me. Trust me. I feel fairly sure she will soon be in touch. Take your power back. You have it all in you. I would tell grandparents part of the truth: Daughter is in a snit and there is a difference of opinion about a repayment schedule. She is fine. We are fine. It will all be worked out soon. (If you are paying her rent how is it that you do not know where she is? How do you not have access in some way to a place you are subsidizing? This I do not quite understand. Could the gifts not be sent there? And let her be responsible for acting correctly with the grandparents? Why are you responsible for any poor behavior by her? You cannot be held responsible for [I]everything[/I]. That is not either realistic or bearable.) These things happen in families. This is really no big deal unless you make it a big deal. I would be careful not to build this up into something earthshaking either about her, your relationship or most importantly, about you. You are the same person you always were. Remember this: the hurt that is triggered in the main is from the past. You can deal with that now. Apart from her and the pain she is triggering which in the main she did not cause. I am remembering something somebody told me once. It was something like when the boss would be a bully, they thought of him with his clothes off. Like emperor with no clothes. And they would laugh and the fear or anger would be diffused. Think of daughter as 2 years old, when she would throw her food out of the high chair, a fit when she did not want to go to bed, or substitute another undignified memory that will put this behavior by her in the context it deserves. She is throwing a little tizzy fit and she is acting badly. You are her parents. You know how to do this. All the rest of it is noise and posturing. Take your power back. You have it. It is yours. PS I am glad you have lovely and loyal friends and a lovely husband. They are your support now. I hope you stay with us and let us know how things develop. [/QUOTE]
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Daughter is 22 and has cut us out of her life am devastated.....
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