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Daughter reached out- I responded-Having hard time
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<blockquote data-quote="Blindsided" data-source="post: 750986" data-attributes="member: 23811"><p>Gosh, thank you JayPee. I gave more information in my response to BusynMember. It's a bit of a book. The text exchange continued. I tried really hard to remember to address feelings and reinforce boundaries. As you say, that only escalated her delusions. I figured it would, and after therapy for myself, I know before I say/text something, I must be prepared for a response that doesn't look like anything I was hoping for. </p><p></p><p>You are spot on, May thrives on despair and chaos. If someone passes away that she really doesn't know, you would think it was her best friend. She has described how she wants me to orchestrate her funeral. I put a stop to that conversation by setting boundaries. I have all the tools for striving to live affirmatively, but they have no value with this. How can anyone be logical with someone who is delusional?</p><p></p><p>As for being impaired, I don't think she draws a sober breath. My husband and sibling intervened on two separate occassions. But, May tried to physically hurt me while I was on the phone with the Mental Health Help line. They heard it and dispatched the police. She is still convinced I called them. May was able to manipulate her way out of the whole situation. That was the first letdown, ~6 years ago. I got into therapy again and my therapist told me it would not be safe to be in ANY interventions. Now, he tells me I am not safe, yet the emergency mental health person was maneuvered by the mentally ill person???? About 3 years ago my husband and I emergency drove from AZ to NV because May threatened suicide, couldn't stay awake on phone, wouldn't tell me where she was, but I tracked her down via a friend. She had to leave the place the last boyfriend was paying for because of mold and she was in fly-by-night motel. Friend couldn't get her to answer. I called police back (they will not trace someone by their cell phone) and gave them location. They did well check and she answered the door. By then we were half way there. We tried to get her come back with us, said she would but needed $$$ to get tires (a 5 hour drive). We said when you get there. CAlls when we get home to say she is staying with a new boyfriend and needs to money to help him with rent. She raged and ranted and my husband gave in. Three years ago my step-daughter-A (blended family for 38 years) insisted May go back to MO. She thought she could help, I warned her, but I don't think anyone can understand until they experience it. "A" said she had vodka in her coffee in the mornings, wanted to bring men back to her tiny apartment around my grandson, and brought her 2 little dogs that have never been trained, even though A was not allowed to have animals. "A" eventually had to call the police to get May removed. May had gotten her first job in 15 years (part of the requirement by A), but she was fired after 2 months for attendance issues. She temporarily lived with a friend and her friend's dad had May removed, then some people I don't know. May drove back to Nevada (on 4 bald tires I paid to have replaced not once, but twice, dumb me) so she could get Medicaid. Before that her wealthy friends flew her and dogs across country. They told me they never saw anyone drink so much. They even tried to get her into treatment and were going to pay, otherwise she had to leave. I know her friend who called me. May's side of the story was completely different and it did not shed a good light on these giving people who opened their home to her.</p><p></p><p>We have been going through this for ~15 yrs, but there was no support back then and I was clueless. We do have bi-polar in the family and that is challenging but manageable and my peeps are managing well. This personality disorder thing is a totally different beast. May needs serious mental health. I have repeated this over and over to everyone, including family members that were in denial. Now everyone is on the same page except aunt S, who recently entered the picture. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for what you have been through. I am so glad you are able to help others by sharing your story. Thank you so much for the insight. I am filled with gratitude for that.</p><p></p><p>Blessings</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Blindsided, post: 750986, member: 23811"] Gosh, thank you JayPee. I gave more information in my response to BusynMember. It's a bit of a book. The text exchange continued. I tried really hard to remember to address feelings and reinforce boundaries. As you say, that only escalated her delusions. I figured it would, and after therapy for myself, I know before I say/text something, I must be prepared for a response that doesn't look like anything I was hoping for. You are spot on, May thrives on despair and chaos. If someone passes away that she really doesn't know, you would think it was her best friend. She has described how she wants me to orchestrate her funeral. I put a stop to that conversation by setting boundaries. I have all the tools for striving to live affirmatively, but they have no value with this. How can anyone be logical with someone who is delusional? As for being impaired, I don't think she draws a sober breath. My husband and sibling intervened on two separate occassions. But, May tried to physically hurt me while I was on the phone with the Mental Health Help line. They heard it and dispatched the police. She is still convinced I called them. May was able to manipulate her way out of the whole situation. That was the first letdown, ~6 years ago. I got into therapy again and my therapist told me it would not be safe to be in ANY interventions. Now, he tells me I am not safe, yet the emergency mental health person was maneuvered by the mentally ill person???? About 3 years ago my husband and I emergency drove from AZ to NV because May threatened suicide, couldn't stay awake on phone, wouldn't tell me where she was, but I tracked her down via a friend. She had to leave the place the last boyfriend was paying for because of mold and she was in fly-by-night motel. Friend couldn't get her to answer. I called police back (they will not trace someone by their cell phone) and gave them location. They did well check and she answered the door. By then we were half way there. We tried to get her come back with us, said she would but needed $$$ to get tires (a 5 hour drive). We said when you get there. CAlls when we get home to say she is staying with a new boyfriend and needs to money to help him with rent. She raged and ranted and my husband gave in. Three years ago my step-daughter-A (blended family for 38 years) insisted May go back to MO. She thought she could help, I warned her, but I don't think anyone can understand until they experience it. "A" said she had vodka in her coffee in the mornings, wanted to bring men back to her tiny apartment around my grandson, and brought her 2 little dogs that have never been trained, even though A was not allowed to have animals. "A" eventually had to call the police to get May removed. May had gotten her first job in 15 years (part of the requirement by A), but she was fired after 2 months for attendance issues. She temporarily lived with a friend and her friend's dad had May removed, then some people I don't know. May drove back to Nevada (on 4 bald tires I paid to have replaced not once, but twice, dumb me) so she could get Medicaid. Before that her wealthy friends flew her and dogs across country. They told me they never saw anyone drink so much. They even tried to get her into treatment and were going to pay, otherwise she had to leave. I know her friend who called me. May's side of the story was completely different and it did not shed a good light on these giving people who opened their home to her. We have been going through this for ~15 yrs, but there was no support back then and I was clueless. We do have bi-polar in the family and that is challenging but manageable and my peeps are managing well. This personality disorder thing is a totally different beast. May needs serious mental health. I have repeated this over and over to everyone, including family members that were in denial. Now everyone is on the same page except aunt S, who recently entered the picture. I am so sorry for what you have been through. I am so glad you are able to help others by sharing your story. Thank you so much for the insight. I am filled with gratitude for that. Blessings [/QUOTE]
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