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Daughter reached out- I responded-Having hard time
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<blockquote data-quote="Blindsided" data-source="post: 751142" data-attributes="member: 23811"><p>Wise choices, I feel better prepared and I do want to detach with love. </p><p></p><p>I have not responded to those last texts. It pains me that May could see it as abandonment. May dominates my thoughts everyday, which is not fair to the rest of the family. </p><p></p><p>I do better when I don't know the particulars, but I think I want to know. A therapist I was seeing after the first failed intervention, told me not to reply if I cant emotionally detach because he was concerned for me and he was not treating May. </p><p></p><p>I came close to admitting myself last year when we had our last phone conversation. I learned I am not strong enough or prepared to do that again. </p><p></p><p>I was able to keep tabs on May, but now she has run off all her friends many who have tried to help her too. Now she really is alone in a state far away from all of us. </p><p></p><p>Her deceased dad's sister in law, aunt S, contacted me via FB with her worry because her son met up with May where she is. He reported May has bloating and other signs of liver failure. I knew this would probably be the case because May had sent pictures of bruised legs and gave me access to her lab account. At the time I tried to explain her liver was showing signs of failure from the alcohol and malnourishment. (I am a retired RN). At the time I asked May if she had food (I would have sent money even though we said no more), and she replied if I really cared, I would know she is on food stamps. I have suggested if she was too sick to work, she needed to consider applying for disability. That did not go over well.</p><p></p><p>I tried to give aunt S the Readers Digest version and told her my therapist said it is not safe for me to be part of anymore interventions. There is so much more. Where May is she has Medicaid, but in MO, where her cousin and aunt S are and we are too right now, she doesn't qualify. So, aunt S, told me I needed to drive to Nevada, get May's 2 little aging poms and become responsible for them. I declined (we have been doing this for 15 years, we are elderly, and we would like to make the most of what time we have left. We also have a place in AZ, (May was living there at the time, which influenced our decision). That many miles back and forth across the US is not possible, nor is caring for 2 aging dogs that have never been trained. Aunt S told me if I was unwilling to go along with her plan, then I needed to be prepared to bury May after a long and grueling "expensive" death. (Thise words sou dedicated like they cane right out of May's mouth). My son told his aunt S to leave me out of it because all she knows is what May has told her. He told her I am a trigger for May and we have all done all the things aunt S suggests. And, that May has to want the help. Aunt S has not reached out to my son, and she has doesnt correspond with me anymore, so I am clueless. My son has detached other than to respond to May with one or two words. </p><p></p><p>That last text was the 22nd. I wonder if I should respond now or let it go until the next event. I dont want to open a can of worms, but I dont want May to think I dont love her. This is so hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Blindsided, post: 751142, member: 23811"] Wise choices, I feel better prepared and I do want to detach with love. I have not responded to those last texts. It pains me that May could see it as abandonment. May dominates my thoughts everyday, which is not fair to the rest of the family. I do better when I don't know the particulars, but I think I want to know. A therapist I was seeing after the first failed intervention, told me not to reply if I cant emotionally detach because he was concerned for me and he was not treating May. I came close to admitting myself last year when we had our last phone conversation. I learned I am not strong enough or prepared to do that again. I was able to keep tabs on May, but now she has run off all her friends many who have tried to help her too. Now she really is alone in a state far away from all of us. Her deceased dad's sister in law, aunt S, contacted me via FB with her worry because her son met up with May where she is. He reported May has bloating and other signs of liver failure. I knew this would probably be the case because May had sent pictures of bruised legs and gave me access to her lab account. At the time I tried to explain her liver was showing signs of failure from the alcohol and malnourishment. (I am a retired RN). At the time I asked May if she had food (I would have sent money even though we said no more), and she replied if I really cared, I would know she is on food stamps. I have suggested if she was too sick to work, she needed to consider applying for disability. That did not go over well. I tried to give aunt S the Readers Digest version and told her my therapist said it is not safe for me to be part of anymore interventions. There is so much more. Where May is she has Medicaid, but in MO, where her cousin and aunt S are and we are too right now, she doesn't qualify. So, aunt S, told me I needed to drive to Nevada, get May's 2 little aging poms and become responsible for them. I declined (we have been doing this for 15 years, we are elderly, and we would like to make the most of what time we have left. We also have a place in AZ, (May was living there at the time, which influenced our decision). That many miles back and forth across the US is not possible, nor is caring for 2 aging dogs that have never been trained. Aunt S told me if I was unwilling to go along with her plan, then I needed to be prepared to bury May after a long and grueling "expensive" death. (Thise words sou dedicated like they cane right out of May's mouth). My son told his aunt S to leave me out of it because all she knows is what May has told her. He told her I am a trigger for May and we have all done all the things aunt S suggests. And, that May has to want the help. Aunt S has not reached out to my son, and she has doesnt correspond with me anymore, so I am clueless. My son has detached other than to respond to May with one or two words. That last text was the 22nd. I wonder if I should respond now or let it go until the next event. I dont want to open a can of worms, but I dont want May to think I dont love her. This is so hard. [/QUOTE]
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