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Daughters boyfriend is awful
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 424175" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Welcome to the board. </p><p></p><p>Many, many heartfelt (((hugs)))</p><p></p><p>Sadly, now that she is 18 there is not much you can do. I know that is really hard to hear.........(trust me, I do know how hard it is to hear)........but it's just the way it is. You can ban him from your home. You can set boundaries concerning him while your daughter continues to live in your home. But bottom line is that this is her choice, the decision has to be hers.</p><p></p><p>With him causing such an emotional response from you, I'd say banning him from your home probably was wise. Because the more reaction from you? The more your daughter is going to feel the need to rescue this poor misunderstood man she believes she loves. And that is the <strong>last thing</strong> you want. When they're defending them, it's next to impossible for them to see them for what they are. </p><p></p><p>So while I know it makes you soul sick inside.......Step back, back off and give her some time to come to her senses. Guys like this (I've got 1 for a son in law) have manipulation down to an art form. Everything you do, he's using to get her <strong>closer to him</strong>. You'll have to do your utter best not to give him fuel for that fire. He's got daughter in his back pocket and you and Dad pitted against daughter. Just the way he wants it. He can play the misunderstood pity card to the hilt. She's young enough, and naive enough, that if you play into his hands she's going to buy it. </p><p></p><p>I recommend contacting the local domestic violence shelter and talking with one of their staff members. Go and pick up pamphlets ect on domestic violence, educate yourself on what you're dealing with so you can handle such situations better. Doesn't hurt to leave such materials lying around. If she asks.......you can always say you picked them up for a friend, or are thinking about volunteering or something. Whatever makes you comfortable. (hopefully she'll pick up one or two and read them)</p><p></p><p>Thing is? While you don't want to encourage this relationship...........you also don't want to alienate your daughter. Which is exactly what he's trying to do. This is why educating yourself is important. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you're having to go through this. But you've landed in a fantastic place where you'll find the support you need. </p><p></p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 424175, member: 84"] Welcome to the board. Many, many heartfelt (((hugs))) Sadly, now that she is 18 there is not much you can do. I know that is really hard to hear.........(trust me, I do know how hard it is to hear)........but it's just the way it is. You can ban him from your home. You can set boundaries concerning him while your daughter continues to live in your home. But bottom line is that this is her choice, the decision has to be hers. With him causing such an emotional response from you, I'd say banning him from your home probably was wise. Because the more reaction from you? The more your daughter is going to feel the need to rescue this poor misunderstood man she believes she loves. And that is the [B]last thing[/B] you want. When they're defending them, it's next to impossible for them to see them for what they are. So while I know it makes you soul sick inside.......Step back, back off and give her some time to come to her senses. Guys like this (I've got 1 for a son in law) have manipulation down to an art form. Everything you do, he's using to get her [B]closer to him[/B]. You'll have to do your utter best not to give him fuel for that fire. He's got daughter in his back pocket and you and Dad pitted against daughter. Just the way he wants it. He can play the misunderstood pity card to the hilt. She's young enough, and naive enough, that if you play into his hands she's going to buy it. I recommend contacting the local domestic violence shelter and talking with one of their staff members. Go and pick up pamphlets ect on domestic violence, educate yourself on what you're dealing with so you can handle such situations better. Doesn't hurt to leave such materials lying around. If she asks.......you can always say you picked them up for a friend, or are thinking about volunteering or something. Whatever makes you comfortable. (hopefully she'll pick up one or two and read them) Thing is? While you don't want to encourage this relationship...........you also don't want to alienate your daughter. Which is exactly what he's trying to do. This is why educating yourself is important. I am so sorry you're having to go through this. But you've landed in a fantastic place where you'll find the support you need. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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