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Daughters boyfriend is awful
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 424184"><p>My first reaction when i saw the title of your post was OMG my sons girlfriend's mother has found this site....lol... I have to say I was relieved when I read further that you are clearly not my sons gfs mom!</p><p></p><p>So I have done some work in domestic violence, plus had some personal expericne when I was in my 20s. You have gotten great advice here. I also suggest you contact a DV program and talk to them about the situation and get advice.</p><p></p><p>The boyfriend is abusive and that has to be very very hard to watch as her mother. One of the things abusive men try to do is to iisolate their partner from friends and family... if their partner is isolated it is much harder for them to leave!!! So your job as her mother is not to let him isolate her from you. She needs to know she can come to you when things get bad. She is young and wants to be independent and separate from you but when she needs you she will come to you. So whatever you do you want to keep the door open and have the best relationshp you can with her under the circumstances.</p><p></p><p>My parents were very very smart. They were very worried when I was dating my first major boyfriend in college. He was extremely controlling. He did not have drug or legal problems but he was definitely abusive. They let me know their concerns but mostly kept their mouths shut... and he was always welcome in our home. Eventually I had enough and broke up with him and they were there to help me pick up the pieces. If they had made an issue of him and not liking him I would have totally rebelled and the relationship would probably have gone on longer (which was long enough as it was - 2 years). </p><p></p><p>Good luck this is a very tough situation to watch.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 424184"] My first reaction when i saw the title of your post was OMG my sons girlfriend's mother has found this site....lol... I have to say I was relieved when I read further that you are clearly not my sons gfs mom! So I have done some work in domestic violence, plus had some personal expericne when I was in my 20s. You have gotten great advice here. I also suggest you contact a DV program and talk to them about the situation and get advice. The boyfriend is abusive and that has to be very very hard to watch as her mother. One of the things abusive men try to do is to iisolate their partner from friends and family... if their partner is isolated it is much harder for them to leave!!! So your job as her mother is not to let him isolate her from you. She needs to know she can come to you when things get bad. She is young and wants to be independent and separate from you but when she needs you she will come to you. So whatever you do you want to keep the door open and have the best relationshp you can with her under the circumstances. My parents were very very smart. They were very worried when I was dating my first major boyfriend in college. He was extremely controlling. He did not have drug or legal problems but he was definitely abusive. They let me know their concerns but mostly kept their mouths shut... and he was always welcome in our home. Eventually I had enough and broke up with him and they were there to help me pick up the pieces. If they had made an issue of him and not liking him I would have totally rebelled and the relationship would probably have gone on longer (which was long enough as it was - 2 years). Good luck this is a very tough situation to watch. [/QUOTE]
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