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*Deep breath* I think we have reached a tipping point
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<blockquote data-quote="sushideluxe" data-source="post: 733231" data-attributes="member: 21956"><p>Thank you so much for all of your responses. To answer a few questions:</p><p></p><p>We don't know anything about R's birth father. His birth mother was 13 when she got pregnant and 14 when she had him, so any adult onset psychiatric disorders would not have presented yet. We do have a family medical history for her and there isn't any significant mental health disorders. I make it a practice to always speak positively about my children's birth mothers; I love them for the decisions they made to make an adoption plan for their babies. But saying this as an observation and not with judgment--getting pregnant at 13 seems to indicate that she had some behavioral problems at that age as well. We had contact with her when R was younger but have not heard from her in at least 8 years. I could try to contact her to get more information, but I hesitate to disrupt her life.</p><p></p><p>To clarify, R has had two neuropsychologist evaluations for academic reasons, and just this month he has had one focused on mental health/projective testing. We will get preliminary results on Monday. I too had thought conduct disorder, but he lacks two of the major hallmarks (setting fires and hurting animals). So we'll see what the neuropsychologist comes up with. We went to the guy with the best reputation in our area.</p><p></p><p>He hasn't been caught, although I did call the police when I found the gun in his backpack last year (which turned out to be a nonfunctioning BB gun he had bought from a friend). The police officers decided to let us handle discipline and we signed him up to do six weeks of community service. The principal and I have talked a number of times as R's name keeps popping up as someone who is dealing vapes, but he hasn't been caught with anything at school. Last year they took his locker away for the last few weeks of school as teachers noticed that 8th graders were going in and out of his locker. I can't believe he hasn't been picked up riding his bike around town at 2 a.m.</p><p></p><p>My husband and I are probably 95% on the same page. He is a much nicer person than I am and maybe a little naive--he just wants to see and believe the best in people. Also, R is much nicer to him than he is to me. He's definitely the good cop and I'm the bad cop. If it were up to me, the transport team would show up tomorrow and take R to a therapeutic setting. My husband needs a little more time to work through the recommendations from R's therapist and to hear the preliminary results of the psychiatric evaluation. As an example of his naivete, we obviously need to remove the bikes from our garage. My husband just suggested that he and R ride the bikes over to the friends' house where they will be stored. Why would we want him to know where they are being stored? My husband is a really smart guy with a successful professional career, but sometimes I wonder about him...</p><p></p><p>We met with the educational consultant yesterday. I got her name from my longtime psychiatrist (for my anxiety), who herself had used the educational consultant's services for her teenaged son with a great outcome. She explained the therapeutic wilderness program as this: 12 boys around R's age, 1 therapist, 4 or 5 trained assistants with EMT training. No access to technology at all. Rolling admission, so the kids who have been there longer provide a mirror to the new ones by calling them out on their distorted thinking. Weekly family sessions via phone. The kids have to face their thoughts and fears, perhaps for the first time, because there are no distractions. Tons of physical activity, sleep and rise with sunset and sunrise, which helps reorder disordered sleep habits. Food intake is monitored, which helps with disordered eating patterns (he is a binge eater). The consultant visits and vets every program and therapist, doesn't work with programs she hasn't worked with previously. Program lasts for 8 to 12 weeks. The therapist really gets to observe the kids and understand how their minds work and what the best future interventions will be. During that time, we start to talk about whether he will be able to come home after the program or whether it would be best to transfer him to a therapeutic boarding school for up to a year. If he comes home, they arrange services such as a parenting coach, a mentor for the teen, maybe an appropriate group therapy or whatever they thing the best intervention will be.</p><p></p><p>We also had a session with R and his therapist yesterday. I was quiet for most of the session while my husband and the therapist talked with R. I did not see any signs of remorse or any indication that anything will change absent a big move. The therapist is in favor of the therapeutic wilderness program, but he felt that R needed some sort of heads up. But it was kept pretty vague--along the lines of "your parents are going to keep exploring options to help you."</p><p></p><p>Thank you very much for listening.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="sushideluxe, post: 733231, member: 21956"] Thank you so much for all of your responses. To answer a few questions: We don't know anything about R's birth father. His birth mother was 13 when she got pregnant and 14 when she had him, so any adult onset psychiatric disorders would not have presented yet. We do have a family medical history for her and there isn't any significant mental health disorders. I make it a practice to always speak positively about my children's birth mothers; I love them for the decisions they made to make an adoption plan for their babies. But saying this as an observation and not with judgment--getting pregnant at 13 seems to indicate that she had some behavioral problems at that age as well. We had contact with her when R was younger but have not heard from her in at least 8 years. I could try to contact her to get more information, but I hesitate to disrupt her life. To clarify, R has had two neuropsychologist evaluations for academic reasons, and just this month he has had one focused on mental health/projective testing. We will get preliminary results on Monday. I too had thought conduct disorder, but he lacks two of the major hallmarks (setting fires and hurting animals). So we'll see what the neuropsychologist comes up with. We went to the guy with the best reputation in our area. He hasn't been caught, although I did call the police when I found the gun in his backpack last year (which turned out to be a nonfunctioning BB gun he had bought from a friend). The police officers decided to let us handle discipline and we signed him up to do six weeks of community service. The principal and I have talked a number of times as R's name keeps popping up as someone who is dealing vapes, but he hasn't been caught with anything at school. Last year they took his locker away for the last few weeks of school as teachers noticed that 8th graders were going in and out of his locker. I can't believe he hasn't been picked up riding his bike around town at 2 a.m. My husband and I are probably 95% on the same page. He is a much nicer person than I am and maybe a little naive--he just wants to see and believe the best in people. Also, R is much nicer to him than he is to me. He's definitely the good cop and I'm the bad cop. If it were up to me, the transport team would show up tomorrow and take R to a therapeutic setting. My husband needs a little more time to work through the recommendations from R's therapist and to hear the preliminary results of the psychiatric evaluation. As an example of his naivete, we obviously need to remove the bikes from our garage. My husband just suggested that he and R ride the bikes over to the friends' house where they will be stored. Why would we want him to know where they are being stored? My husband is a really smart guy with a successful professional career, but sometimes I wonder about him... We met with the educational consultant yesterday. I got her name from my longtime psychiatrist (for my anxiety), who herself had used the educational consultant's services for her teenaged son with a great outcome. She explained the therapeutic wilderness program as this: 12 boys around R's age, 1 therapist, 4 or 5 trained assistants with EMT training. No access to technology at all. Rolling admission, so the kids who have been there longer provide a mirror to the new ones by calling them out on their distorted thinking. Weekly family sessions via phone. The kids have to face their thoughts and fears, perhaps for the first time, because there are no distractions. Tons of physical activity, sleep and rise with sunset and sunrise, which helps reorder disordered sleep habits. Food intake is monitored, which helps with disordered eating patterns (he is a binge eater). The consultant visits and vets every program and therapist, doesn't work with programs she hasn't worked with previously. Program lasts for 8 to 12 weeks. The therapist really gets to observe the kids and understand how their minds work and what the best future interventions will be. During that time, we start to talk about whether he will be able to come home after the program or whether it would be best to transfer him to a therapeutic boarding school for up to a year. If he comes home, they arrange services such as a parenting coach, a mentor for the teen, maybe an appropriate group therapy or whatever they thing the best intervention will be. We also had a session with R and his therapist yesterday. I was quiet for most of the session while my husband and the therapist talked with R. I did not see any signs of remorse or any indication that anything will change absent a big move. The therapist is in favor of the therapeutic wilderness program, but he felt that R needed some sort of heads up. But it was kept pretty vague--along the lines of "your parents are going to keep exploring options to help you." Thank you very much for listening. [/QUOTE]
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