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Desperate Mom needing advise with adult daughter of 22 with Borderline (Borderline (BPD))
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 750009" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Threats are a very common form of manipulation. The manipulator is counting on your emotions of fear so that you will do what they want.</p><p>You mention that you have medical bills because of her cutting herself. Why would the bills be yours if your daughter is 22? I understand if she is still on your insurance and if that's the case, you might consider taking her off of your insurance. She should be eligible for government insurance. </p><p></p><p></p><p>I think you have made a really good start here. Setting clear and firm boundaries will benefit you both. You are also sending a message to her that you will no longer allow yourself to be manipulate. I will caution you here, when we stop enabling our adult children, they will sometimes ramp things up in hopes that they can gain control again. Be prepared!!</p><p></p><p>One of the hardest things I had to do with my son was to accept my very worst fear. When we live in fear of "what could happen" we do not live in the present time. My very worst fear was that my son could die and I would never know it. Once I accepted this, that yes, it really could happen. I was able to start moving out of the "fear" mode.</p><p></p><p>There is a saying about living in the FOG - which stands for Fear, Obligation, Guilt</p><p>Once we start to understand that is what we have been doing, we can then start to work our way out of the FOG.</p><p></p><p>I encourage you to find something that will bring you joy. What have you always wanted to do?</p><p>Step out of your comfort zone, it' okay. Maybe sign up for one of those one night painting classes.</p><p>Go to a museum and spend a few hours just looking art.</p><p></p><p>This is not an easy journey but I and many others are proof that you can survive having a difficult adult child and can live a happy and fulfilled life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 750009, member: 18516"] Threats are a very common form of manipulation. The manipulator is counting on your emotions of fear so that you will do what they want. You mention that you have medical bills because of her cutting herself. Why would the bills be yours if your daughter is 22? I understand if she is still on your insurance and if that's the case, you might consider taking her off of your insurance. She should be eligible for government insurance. I think you have made a really good start here. Setting clear and firm boundaries will benefit you both. You are also sending a message to her that you will no longer allow yourself to be manipulate. I will caution you here, when we stop enabling our adult children, they will sometimes ramp things up in hopes that they can gain control again. Be prepared!! One of the hardest things I had to do with my son was to accept my very worst fear. When we live in fear of "what could happen" we do not live in the present time. My very worst fear was that my son could die and I would never know it. Once I accepted this, that yes, it really could happen. I was able to start moving out of the "fear" mode. There is a saying about living in the FOG - which stands for Fear, Obligation, Guilt Once we start to understand that is what we have been doing, we can then start to work our way out of the FOG. I encourage you to find something that will bring you joy. What have you always wanted to do? Step out of your comfort zone, it' okay. Maybe sign up for one of those one night painting classes. Go to a museum and spend a few hours just looking art. This is not an easy journey but I and many others are proof that you can survive having a difficult adult child and can live a happy and fulfilled life. [/QUOTE]
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Desperate Mom needing advise with adult daughter of 22 with Borderline (Borderline (BPD))
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