I'm sorry for all your going through. Everybody has to do what they think is right for them but I thought I'd share just a little wisdom, strength and hope. I was married to an alcoholic for 30 years who died less than a year ago from his drinking. Now going through it all over again with my 30 year old son is following right in his footsteps.
What I've learned from Alanon is that you didn't CAUSE this, you can't CONTROL it and you can't CURE it. Even if you keep your son "busy" that will not prevent catastrophy or the many unpleasant things that go along with addiction. You will only delay what will happen. I've done that and still work on trying not to do that again, with my son. It's our natural instinct to not want to see our loved ones hurt because we feel like if they were sober, we know they'd make better decisions. We don't want them to mess things up so bad that "when"/if they recover from addiction that they won't have such a dark hole to climb out of. DWI's, divorced, homelessness etc. The truth is we are powerless of alcohol, just as powerless as your son is. This is his journey and no matter how hard you try, you can't fix this for him. It might be all the spirals downward that finally cause him to decide he wants to work for something better.
Try to turn your son over to God and yourself too. He has a High Power that really does have more control than you do. If you are able, try to find an Alanon meeting, in person or on line. We learn that we are very "sick" from the disease of alcoholism but we also learn that we may have our own issues we bring to the table too. But taking the focus off your son, and taking care of yourself would be a good place to start.
Sending prayers....
