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Substance Abuse
Detaching "WITH LOVE"?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 629204" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>I certainly don't look at my difficult child and think oh this is all his birth parents fault....I think adoptive parents do sometimes look at things a bit differently...we don't feel any guilt or defensive about genes that were passed down. We also dont have expectations based on "good" genes that might be in the family. We often really dont have much clue about the genetic background of our kids.</p><p></p><p>However before I was a parent I attributed much more to environment than I do now. I have two kids and their are aspects to their personalities that have always been there no matter what I have done as a parent. My son has always been defiant and no matter how I have tried to deal with that it has still been true. What is clear to me is that I did not cause his defiance, that has been part of his personality since he was 3 years old. I think I have taught him some good things along the way that may have helped but it has not changed his need/love for breaking rules.</p><p></p><p>There are other things that are clearly part of wiring...I saw this very clearly in sleep and eating patterns. My kids were opposite in this regard and I adapted to each of their styles.</p><p></p><p>So yes my parenting differed some between my kids but that was partly because of who they were when they were born!</p><p></p><p>I don't necessarily think nature always trumps nurture but I know that nurture definitely does not trump nature either.</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 629204, member: 15801"] I certainly don't look at my difficult child and think oh this is all his birth parents fault....I think adoptive parents do sometimes look at things a bit differently...we don't feel any guilt or defensive about genes that were passed down. We also dont have expectations based on "good" genes that might be in the family. We often really dont have much clue about the genetic background of our kids. However before I was a parent I attributed much more to environment than I do now. I have two kids and their are aspects to their personalities that have always been there no matter what I have done as a parent. My son has always been defiant and no matter how I have tried to deal with that it has still been true. What is clear to me is that I did not cause his defiance, that has been part of his personality since he was 3 years old. I think I have taught him some good things along the way that may have helped but it has not changed his need/love for breaking rules. There are other things that are clearly part of wiring...I saw this very clearly in sleep and eating patterns. My kids were opposite in this regard and I adapted to each of their styles. So yes my parenting differed some between my kids but that was partly because of who they were when they were born! I don't necessarily think nature always trumps nurture but I know that nurture definitely does not trump nature either. TL Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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