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Message: <blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 629307" data-attributes="member: 1550">People, please remember that ignore is your friend.Also, it is old fashion thinking that how you are raised is why you are the way you are. Genetics is trumping that in every area. It reminds me of the days when autism was caused by (cough, cough) refrigerator moms.When I gave birth to 36, I had a nervous breakdown during my pregnancy, which may have contributed to his problems, but I don't think so. There are just too many in my family when the mother didn't have any problems during birth. In fact 36 is mild beside many of them.When I was pregnant, I prayed for a healthy baby and, at the same time, swore I'd never have another one because my own depression reminded me that this could all be passed along. This was in the 1970's and I never believed that nurture had a thing to do with my own problems or any 36 may have. I just hoped he'd get lucky. He didn't. It is uncanny how much like many of my DNA collection he is like, although they had little to nothing to do with us. By the Grace of the Higher Power I Embrace, my grandson is as resilient as an ox with no behavior problems at all, but my ex has a very stable, normal family. Bless them.After I gave birth and it was clear early on that 36 had inherited many things, I decided to adopt. I don't think it is bad if others did not make that decision, but for me it was the best one. I knew that adopted kids could have massive problems too, but at least I was no longer passing along my own DNA, and I would not feel guilty if they had problems in the personality or mental health department.Although I do think that things like being raped, being abducted, living in poverty, having parents who do horrible things to you or around you affect you a lot, I also think they do those things in a big way because THEY have many of the problems we inherit from them and we are part of who they are. In my case, this makes me shudder.My adopted kids actually are doing better than 36. But none of them are like each other.There were studies on identical kids who were separated through adoption at birth and when they finally met, they were eerily alike. Wish I still had those articles, but it's easy enough to look that up.At any rate, any adoptive parent knows that your child will not take on your behavior. They will be more like their bio. family. And that's ok. I love my diverse and very different kids and I love HOW they are different.</blockquote>

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