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Detachment? Is detaching mostly external/public?
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 490962" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="color: #008000"><span style="font-size: 10px">For ME, detachment is a focusing behavior. I try to focus on myself and my needs as opposed to the other person's needs. Not in a cold way, not in an unfeeling way, but just very matter of factly.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008000"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008000"><span style="font-size: 10px">Detaching is NOT about not feeling. While trying to remain detached from difficult child/easy child/H in the sense of emotionally or verbally REacting to them and their behaviors, I may still feel things within. How I handle those feelings within is the key for ME. I can choose to obsess on those feelings OR I can choose to do something else. It is VERY difficult to divert my attention away from obsessive feelings I may be experiencing, but with practice it becomes second nature. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008000"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008000"><span style="font-size: 10px">I have become adept at tuning out certain people - namely difficult child and my loco sister - when they are giving me their old song and dance routine: it could be difficult child telling me about some sort of drama in her life (I nod pleasantly or excuse myself so I don't react unpleasantly or against my better judgement)/or my loco sister will always belittle my feelings or perspective about a situation...so...I don't really interact with her if I don't have to and when I do, I am cordial and kind and respectful, but I don't bend over. I'm like that with my mother in law also. She's an unpleasant person to be around, but out of love for my H and simple humanity, I am pleasant and cordial - but that's IT. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008000"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008000"><span style="font-size: 10px">So, detachment is about US, not so much about them. Be pleasant when you can, excuse yourself kindly when you can't. Talk about superficial things if that's the only way you can get through this time. Make CERTAIN to do things and see people that feed your soul and bring you joy. Place the focus of how you want this time to be for you, not everyone or anyone else. If it's unacceptable for them/him/her/whatever, oh well. As hostess, of course, we do things for our guests, but difficult child is like a quasi-guest, Know what I mean?? So, you can be accommodating and hospitable, but don't over do it. Don't exhaust yourself. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008000"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008000"><span style="font-size: 10px">Bug hugs, you are doing well!</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 490962, member: 2211"] [COLOR=#008000][SIZE=2]For ME, detachment is a focusing behavior. I try to focus on myself and my needs as opposed to the other person's needs. Not in a cold way, not in an unfeeling way, but just very matter of factly. Detaching is NOT about not feeling. While trying to remain detached from difficult child/easy child/H in the sense of emotionally or verbally REacting to them and their behaviors, I may still feel things within. How I handle those feelings within is the key for ME. I can choose to obsess on those feelings OR I can choose to do something else. It is VERY difficult to divert my attention away from obsessive feelings I may be experiencing, but with practice it becomes second nature. I have become adept at tuning out certain people - namely difficult child and my loco sister - when they are giving me their old song and dance routine: it could be difficult child telling me about some sort of drama in her life (I nod pleasantly or excuse myself so I don't react unpleasantly or against my better judgement)/or my loco sister will always belittle my feelings or perspective about a situation...so...I don't really interact with her if I don't have to and when I do, I am cordial and kind and respectful, but I don't bend over. I'm like that with my mother in law also. She's an unpleasant person to be around, but out of love for my H and simple humanity, I am pleasant and cordial - but that's IT. So, detachment is about US, not so much about them. Be pleasant when you can, excuse yourself kindly when you can't. Talk about superficial things if that's the only way you can get through this time. Make CERTAIN to do things and see people that feed your soul and bring you joy. Place the focus of how you want this time to be for you, not everyone or anyone else. If it's unacceptable for them/him/her/whatever, oh well. As hostess, of course, we do things for our guests, but difficult child is like a quasi-guest, Know what I mean?? So, you can be accommodating and hospitable, but don't over do it. Don't exhaust yourself. Bug hugs, you are doing well![/SIZE][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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Detachment? Is detaching mostly external/public?
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