Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Didn't want it to come to this, might be asking difficult child to leave
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 646045" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hon, this is so hard. We are all different. I handled my daughter's drug use quickly and the car was no longer EVER hers to use. Not because she may go somewhere bad. She went to bad places on foot too. This is hard to say, but it needs to be said and I know you have such a good, soft heart and it is hard to hear. Your husband is right in this. Nothing is going to get better the way things are. Haven't you suffered enough? You don't think you've been patient enough and he keeps letting you down? Your son is not a kid. You've been MORE than patient. Like so many of us, you have been his doormat and have been living in a magic world (again like many of us) where he suddenly gets better. Drug addicts don't work that way.</p><p></p><p>Your son shouldn't ever be in ANY car NOT because your car could be impounded, but because he is a heroin addict and has been using drugs for years and years and bluntly he could die in that car and take other people with him. Drug addicts have no business being on the road, no matter what, for any reason. Your son is probably always impaired from the drugs, even if he takes a day off, and I don't know if he ever does, nor do you. Drugs destroy their brains. They need a few years to recover from this illness and prove they are fit to drive, but if you don't get him off the road something much worse than making a drug deal (which of course he does) is going to happen. I also need to share what my daughter has shared with me and it is something people who are still using will never admit because they know how it will anger us. My daughter, who was entrenched in drug life and times it's culture, told me straight out, "Mom, if you use drugs, you sell them. That's just the way it is. There is nobody who just uses drugs and is too moral to sell them. If you use drugs you have no morals. You do what you need to do to have money both for drugs and for other pleasures." She also told me that Adderrall, one of her favorite drugs, was routinely crushed in pillcrushers and snorted, either alone or with cocaine and other dope. It is very potent that way. Many drug users try to steal young kid's ADHD medications as they are all speed. If I'd known that they were as abused as they are, I would have forbidden my son from ever having even tried ADHD medication. But that's another thread. Adderrall went for $10/pill in my daughter's drug days ten years ago. They probably are more expensive now. The money he is saving living with you is being spent on costly drugs. Bet he has no savings at all, although he has lived at home for so long.</p><p></p><p>What if your grandsons are in your car and your son is high or is fighting the affects of having been high and (worse case scenario...use your imagination). No drug user should be in a car whether he or she cries, jumps up and down, steals, threatens, swears on a million bibles that he is clean...never ever. It scares me that so many people with drug using kids let them drive their vehicles. You can't stop their "friends" from lending them their cars. Yes, they are THAT stupid. My daughter had friends lend her their cars and she crached up a few and got into terrible trouble, but YOU can morally take a stand. You can decide to keep him as safe as you can, to keep your daughter in law and grands as safe as you can and KEEP STRANGERS SAFE from your son. He is a danger to them on the road. Even just to go to the laundromat. And you know he probably wouldn't just go to the laundromat. He is a heroin addict, one of the hardest drugs to kick. Some never do. I pray he does. In my opinion only, and I could be wrong, but only tough love will possibly, and only possibly, get your son to decide his life is worthwhile as are the lives of others. Being accomodating to him while he snows you will not work. Believing him after all this time is naive. It's good he has a job. He can get out of your house, if you have the nerve or will to do that, and take his drugs with him. I made my daughter leave at nineteen. I cried for three straight weeks. I cried in my car, in the supermarket, at work, at home, in my husband's arms, while I watched movies...I cried until I had no more tears. BUT.SHE.QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p><p>Dang, it worked! And she will say that was a big reason she quit, along with getting away from the town she lived in and refusing to make new druggie friends.</p><p></p><p>IT CAN WORK.</p><p></p><p>But heroin is very hard to kick and if you enable him by making his life cozy, he really has no motivation to do anything differently and he isn't. He is nearing his thirties. It isn't cute anymore. It's not a stage. It's becoming who he is, what his life is. I have no idea why your daughter in law can't support the grands without your son...I don't remember. But if you feel better letting her stay with you and letting the grands stay, you can choose to make your son leave and keep the others with you. I would probably have kept the grands and that's it, but it's your life and you have to choose what you AND YOUR HUSBAND can live with. Your husband's opinion matters. This can't be good for your marriage. So much...so much...</p><p></p><p>Now everyone's advice is given with a "take what you find helpful and leave the rest" attitude. Sometimes something will stick with me. I've had it happen here. I don't know if I helped you at all, but I don't believe treating him this well as he endangers his life and the lives of others, just because perhaps he guilts you out, is the way to get any sort of peace for yourself or any change in him.</p><p></p><p>You have a younger son who is not exactly heading in the right direction either. He is seeing his brother live comfortably at home while he uses drugs. He is watching how you handle it.</p><p></p><p>I hope I offered something. Maybe I didn't, but I do wish you luck and love and hope for the very, very best. You just seem like a very nice person...probably too nice to have to make such tough decisions about your grown children. But they are not babies anymore. You son is a man.</p><p></p><p>Hugs!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 646045, member: 1550"] Hon, this is so hard. We are all different. I handled my daughter's drug use quickly and the car was no longer EVER hers to use. Not because she may go somewhere bad. She went to bad places on foot too. This is hard to say, but it needs to be said and I know you have such a good, soft heart and it is hard to hear. Your husband is right in this. Nothing is going to get better the way things are. Haven't you suffered enough? You don't think you've been patient enough and he keeps letting you down? Your son is not a kid. You've been MORE than patient. Like so many of us, you have been his doormat and have been living in a magic world (again like many of us) where he suddenly gets better. Drug addicts don't work that way. Your son shouldn't ever be in ANY car NOT because your car could be impounded, but because he is a heroin addict and has been using drugs for years and years and bluntly he could die in that car and take other people with him. Drug addicts have no business being on the road, no matter what, for any reason. Your son is probably always impaired from the drugs, even if he takes a day off, and I don't know if he ever does, nor do you. Drugs destroy their brains. They need a few years to recover from this illness and prove they are fit to drive, but if you don't get him off the road something much worse than making a drug deal (which of course he does) is going to happen. I also need to share what my daughter has shared with me and it is something people who are still using will never admit because they know how it will anger us. My daughter, who was entrenched in drug life and times it's culture, told me straight out, "Mom, if you use drugs, you sell them. That's just the way it is. There is nobody who just uses drugs and is too moral to sell them. If you use drugs you have no morals. You do what you need to do to have money both for drugs and for other pleasures." She also told me that Adderrall, one of her favorite drugs, was routinely crushed in pillcrushers and snorted, either alone or with cocaine and other dope. It is very potent that way. Many drug users try to steal young kid's ADHD medications as they are all speed. If I'd known that they were as abused as they are, I would have forbidden my son from ever having even tried ADHD medication. But that's another thread. Adderrall went for $10/pill in my daughter's drug days ten years ago. They probably are more expensive now. The money he is saving living with you is being spent on costly drugs. Bet he has no savings at all, although he has lived at home for so long. What if your grandsons are in your car and your son is high or is fighting the affects of having been high and (worse case scenario...use your imagination). No drug user should be in a car whether he or she cries, jumps up and down, steals, threatens, swears on a million bibles that he is clean...never ever. It scares me that so many people with drug using kids let them drive their vehicles. You can't stop their "friends" from lending them their cars. Yes, they are THAT stupid. My daughter had friends lend her their cars and she crached up a few and got into terrible trouble, but YOU can morally take a stand. You can decide to keep him as safe as you can, to keep your daughter in law and grands as safe as you can and KEEP STRANGERS SAFE from your son. He is a danger to them on the road. Even just to go to the laundromat. And you know he probably wouldn't just go to the laundromat. He is a heroin addict, one of the hardest drugs to kick. Some never do. I pray he does. In my opinion only, and I could be wrong, but only tough love will possibly, and only possibly, get your son to decide his life is worthwhile as are the lives of others. Being accomodating to him while he snows you will not work. Believing him after all this time is naive. It's good he has a job. He can get out of your house, if you have the nerve or will to do that, and take his drugs with him. I made my daughter leave at nineteen. I cried for three straight weeks. I cried in my car, in the supermarket, at work, at home, in my husband's arms, while I watched movies...I cried until I had no more tears. BUT.SHE.QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dang, it worked! And she will say that was a big reason she quit, along with getting away from the town she lived in and refusing to make new druggie friends. IT CAN WORK. But heroin is very hard to kick and if you enable him by making his life cozy, he really has no motivation to do anything differently and he isn't. He is nearing his thirties. It isn't cute anymore. It's not a stage. It's becoming who he is, what his life is. I have no idea why your daughter in law can't support the grands without your son...I don't remember. But if you feel better letting her stay with you and letting the grands stay, you can choose to make your son leave and keep the others with you. I would probably have kept the grands and that's it, but it's your life and you have to choose what you AND YOUR HUSBAND can live with. Your husband's opinion matters. This can't be good for your marriage. So much...so much... Now everyone's advice is given with a "take what you find helpful and leave the rest" attitude. Sometimes something will stick with me. I've had it happen here. I don't know if I helped you at all, but I don't believe treating him this well as he endangers his life and the lives of others, just because perhaps he guilts you out, is the way to get any sort of peace for yourself or any change in him. You have a younger son who is not exactly heading in the right direction either. He is seeing his brother live comfortably at home while he uses drugs. He is watching how you handle it. I hope I offered something. Maybe I didn't, but I do wish you luck and love and hope for the very, very best. You just seem like a very nice person...probably too nice to have to make such tough decisions about your grown children. But they are not babies anymore. You son is a man. Hugs!!!! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Didn't want it to come to this, might be asking difficult child to leave
Top