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Substance Abuse
Didn't want it to come to this, might be asking difficult child to leave
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 646151" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I don't blame your daughter for judging her addict brother.</p><p></p><p>My other grown kids judge my difficult child, his filthy mouth, and his treatment of family. Everyone judges. If you do bad stuff you will be judged, except maybe by a loving mother. Fathers tend to make more sense in my opinion. They see it straight, without emotion, and want the problem dealt with pronto. I wish I'd listened to my hubby when my daughter was using drugs. He was a 'step" so he felt funny telling me that I was deluding myself about how much or little drugs Daughter was using, but he was right. I didn't want to hear it. Stupid, stupid, stupid me.</p><p></p><p>Oragami, read the thread "The Ten Drugs Most Addictive Drugs" that I posted here. Heroin is #1. It is not realistic that he will stop no matter how many times he goes to rehab. It is not realistic of you to expect him to be able to care about his kids, his wife, and you. It's a very serious sickness. The only one who can help himself is himself and there is such a need to use heroin that it is very, very, very hard to stop the craving. You need to switch from trying to "help" him to letting him either help himself or else make good suggestions for daughter in law and maybe try to guardianship of grandchildren. Sounds like neither can care for them and sounds like YOU want to. Kids aren't dumb. They know. They do not need to carry on Dad's legacy though. THAT you can help. I would never sacrifice my grands and keep them around Dad just because "Dad is my son and I love him" and hope "someday" he changes. What he is TODAY, makes him in my opinion undeserving of even attempting to be a father or even being around them.</p><p></p><p>I hope you realize one day that the kids are better off if he is not around their father. The older they get, the more they will know. daughter in law? I don't know. I have no strong feelings about her other than wondering why she can't get a job and take care of the kids herself and why she'd choose to stay with a heroin addict. What you do with her, you do with her.</p><p></p><p>Please do read about heroin addiction. Other drugs may be more hopeful to quit. Heroin is not. You have other loved ones who need you. I hope you consider yourself somebody who needs your love and nurturing. Face the truth boldly and make changes (remember, this is just ME babbling and you take what you like, if any, and leave the rest). My advice would be to make him go for the sake of the children and then decide what else you are going to do.</p><p></p><p>You have an already unruly seventeen year old son who needs to see you take serious action. He has seen it all and you don't want him to follow in his brother's footsteps. Contact with his brother right now, is, in my opinion, a very bad thing. He's at that age where he could go either way a nd you will know soon which way seventeen year old will go. Please don't tempt fate. Please be good to YOU!!!! (((Hugs)))!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 646151, member: 1550"] I don't blame your daughter for judging her addict brother. My other grown kids judge my difficult child, his filthy mouth, and his treatment of family. Everyone judges. If you do bad stuff you will be judged, except maybe by a loving mother. Fathers tend to make more sense in my opinion. They see it straight, without emotion, and want the problem dealt with pronto. I wish I'd listened to my hubby when my daughter was using drugs. He was a 'step" so he felt funny telling me that I was deluding myself about how much or little drugs Daughter was using, but he was right. I didn't want to hear it. Stupid, stupid, stupid me. Oragami, read the thread "The Ten Drugs Most Addictive Drugs" that I posted here. Heroin is #1. It is not realistic that he will stop no matter how many times he goes to rehab. It is not realistic of you to expect him to be able to care about his kids, his wife, and you. It's a very serious sickness. The only one who can help himself is himself and there is such a need to use heroin that it is very, very, very hard to stop the craving. You need to switch from trying to "help" him to letting him either help himself or else make good suggestions for daughter in law and maybe try to guardianship of grandchildren. Sounds like neither can care for them and sounds like YOU want to. Kids aren't dumb. They know. They do not need to carry on Dad's legacy though. THAT you can help. I would never sacrifice my grands and keep them around Dad just because "Dad is my son and I love him" and hope "someday" he changes. What he is TODAY, makes him in my opinion undeserving of even attempting to be a father or even being around them. I hope you realize one day that the kids are better off if he is not around their father. The older they get, the more they will know. daughter in law? I don't know. I have no strong feelings about her other than wondering why she can't get a job and take care of the kids herself and why she'd choose to stay with a heroin addict. What you do with her, you do with her. Please do read about heroin addiction. Other drugs may be more hopeful to quit. Heroin is not. You have other loved ones who need you. I hope you consider yourself somebody who needs your love and nurturing. Face the truth boldly and make changes (remember, this is just ME babbling and you take what you like, if any, and leave the rest). My advice would be to make him go for the sake of the children and then decide what else you are going to do. You have an already unruly seventeen year old son who needs to see you take serious action. He has seen it all and you don't want him to follow in his brother's footsteps. Contact with his brother right now, is, in my opinion, a very bad thing. He's at that age where he could go either way a nd you will know soon which way seventeen year old will go. Please don't tempt fate. Please be good to YOU!!!! (((Hugs)))! [/QUOTE]
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