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General Parenting
difficult child 1's goal in life?
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 480050" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Malika has a point that I have read in several books about attachment disorder, obviously not his issue but in terms of this behavior and one thing to try.... (maybe love and logic too?? I really can't remember)</p><p></p><p>But one thing they say to do is to not give the expected answer. So when he argues with you or points out your horrific flaw, you agree, thank him for pointing it out. You will work on that. And they emphasize that this is not a sarcastic comment. You need to dig deep and make it sincere (sounding at least). </p><p></p><p> I see a part of this as deflection off of the real issue at hand. Do you think this could be part of it? If you deflate the comment by not getting into it, he is not going to listen to the truth anyway (maybe because he can't--like you said he is literal and probably pretty rigid on a rule about following a rule that he thinks is to be followed), and then steer the issue back to what is going on. You needed him to do the work, he has no interest in doing that, so how can he further stall??? This may not be deliberate. He may just be so stressed about getting things his way that he goes to his default behavior. </p><p></p><p>Just more thoughts, you are so good at getting down to things. But for sure you are not alone. And I suspect that it is not typical teen behavior only, but it IS in part. Also just part who he is, temperament wise, Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) wise, etc. I wish behaviors were easier to figure out.</p><p></p><p>I chuckled too when I heard IC examples of being tall, but understood her concept (just smiled because you had already described them to me and I had the benefit of that picture in my mind). Poor dude, can't be easy to literally get lost in his brother's shadow.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 480050, member: 12886"] Malika has a point that I have read in several books about attachment disorder, obviously not his issue but in terms of this behavior and one thing to try.... (maybe love and logic too?? I really can't remember) But one thing they say to do is to not give the expected answer. So when he argues with you or points out your horrific flaw, you agree, thank him for pointing it out. You will work on that. And they emphasize that this is not a sarcastic comment. You need to dig deep and make it sincere (sounding at least). I see a part of this as deflection off of the real issue at hand. Do you think this could be part of it? If you deflate the comment by not getting into it, he is not going to listen to the truth anyway (maybe because he can't--like you said he is literal and probably pretty rigid on a rule about following a rule that he thinks is to be followed), and then steer the issue back to what is going on. You needed him to do the work, he has no interest in doing that, so how can he further stall??? This may not be deliberate. He may just be so stressed about getting things his way that he goes to his default behavior. Just more thoughts, you are so good at getting down to things. But for sure you are not alone. And I suspect that it is not typical teen behavior only, but it IS in part. Also just part who he is, temperament wise, Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) wise, etc. I wish behaviors were easier to figure out. I chuckled too when I heard IC examples of being tall, but understood her concept (just smiled because you had already described them to me and I had the benefit of that picture in my mind). Poor dude, can't be easy to literally get lost in his brother's shadow. [/QUOTE]
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