Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
difficult child behaviors and The Shining....
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="ScentofCedar" data-source="post: 35122" data-attributes="member: 3353"><p>I think what it is is that I used to believe with all my heart that the day would come when difficult child's true colors would shine through, and he would be my son again ~ someone who cherished me. That last phone conversation with difficult child blew me right out of the water. I am having to look at the reality of the thing without that little patina of possibility, that belief that this was just a (very!) protracted adolescence or something.</p><p></p><p>But nothing is changing.</p><p></p><p>I am having a hard time believing this is the way it all came out.</p><p></p><p>It's almost like experiencing the loss all over again.</p><p></p><p>I will try prayer for him in the morning, RM. </p><p></p><p>Ant's mom wrote a beautiful response to one of us in her last post ~ something about knowing things weren't going to change and how she was looking at that.</p><p></p><p>She wrote about time and change, as well. (I don't remember the title of the post now ~ it is here in PE, and I think she just did it today.)</p><p></p><p>So all these things (along with the tips regarding which kinds of chocolate ~ and in what quantities ~ works best :smile:) are helping me to feel less weird about the way that I feel.</p><p></p><p>Denial is such a hard thing. </p><p></p><p>I responded to Nomad in a PM this morning that this process is like forming a callous over a tender spot.</p><p></p><p>I was going to liken the process to an oyster forming a pearl?</p><p></p><p>But then I realized I feel absolutely more like a blister than a potential pearl!</p><p></p><p>But I suppose that eventually, we will have formed layer after layer of whatever it is pearls are made of around our own pain.</p><p></p><p>That imagery makes it not seem so ugly.</p><p></p><p>I wish I were being more positive about things.</p><p></p><p>I have spent such a long time not looking at what it is though that when I am forced to see it and NOT blame myself, I feel sad FOR myself!</p><p></p><p>This just really sucks.</p><p></p><p>The only bright thing is that this makes it wonderfully easy to justify revelling in chocolate abandon.</p><p></p><p>MORE CHOCOLATE!!!</p><p></p><p> :bravo:</p><p></p><p>Whichever of us it was who posted about remembering gratitude was absolutely right. That IS the one thing that will help us stand up again. I am sorry I don't remember which of us it was, but thank you. A gratitude journal is a very good idea, too.</p><p></p><p>RM you are right.</p><p></p><p>It isn't about not being grateful for all that we have ~ it IS about longing for a child that we love.</p><p></p><p>I just need to find that place of balance between the two.</p><p></p><p>And a new source of peanut M&Ms, of course.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ScentofCedar, post: 35122, member: 3353"] I think what it is is that I used to believe with all my heart that the day would come when difficult child's true colors would shine through, and he would be my son again ~ someone who cherished me. That last phone conversation with difficult child blew me right out of the water. I am having to look at the reality of the thing without that little patina of possibility, that belief that this was just a (very!) protracted adolescence or something. But nothing is changing. I am having a hard time believing this is the way it all came out. It's almost like experiencing the loss all over again. I will try prayer for him in the morning, RM. Ant's mom wrote a beautiful response to one of us in her last post ~ something about knowing things weren't going to change and how she was looking at that. She wrote about time and change, as well. (I don't remember the title of the post now ~ it is here in PE, and I think she just did it today.) So all these things (along with the tips regarding which kinds of chocolate ~ and in what quantities ~ works best [img]:smile:[/img]) are helping me to feel less weird about the way that I feel. Denial is such a hard thing. I responded to Nomad in a PM this morning that this process is like forming a callous over a tender spot. I was going to liken the process to an oyster forming a pearl? But then I realized I feel absolutely more like a blister than a potential pearl! But I suppose that eventually, we will have formed layer after layer of whatever it is pearls are made of around our own pain. That imagery makes it not seem so ugly. I wish I were being more positive about things. I have spent such a long time not looking at what it is though that when I am forced to see it and NOT blame myself, I feel sad FOR myself! This just really sucks. The only bright thing is that this makes it wonderfully easy to justify revelling in chocolate abandon. MORE CHOCOLATE!!! [img]:bravo:[/img] Whichever of us it was who posted about remembering gratitude was absolutely right. That IS the one thing that will help us stand up again. I am sorry I don't remember which of us it was, but thank you. A gratitude journal is a very good idea, too. RM you are right. It isn't about not being grateful for all that we have ~ it IS about longing for a child that we love. I just need to find that place of balance between the two. And a new source of peanut M&Ms, of course. Barbara [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
difficult child behaviors and The Shining....
Top