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Parent Emeritus
difficult child has turned a corner and this is how I feel...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 586232" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>NOBODY NOBODY NOBODY says things in the kind, compassionate and honest way of Recovering Enabler. She must be one of t he kindest people on earth. But I'll try (I hate to follow her).</p><p></p><p>First of all, I think most of the female kids who get us this far (Parent Emeritus) do have mood disorders, but also have other problems, such as drug abuse and/or personality disorders, such as borderline. Borderline and bipolar have a lot in common an d often co-exist, but borderlines do not tend to have any insight into their behavior and often t hey can not have relationships...they sabotage all of them. I am NOT saying your daughter has this, but I do think s he has some traits. And if she maybe has some traits, when they screw up their relationships, it is always somebody else's fault. By all means, encourage her to treat her bipolar. That is NOT being a bad parent. It would be nice, and comforting to you and, in the end, probably to her to, if medications helped her because her life seems to be constant fighting and chaos. I'm afraid E. is not all that stable either, but difficult children tend to find other difficult children. I guess I'm trying to throw out there that maybe there is even more going on than bipolar and that none of this...none at all...is either logical or your fault. It's perhaps just the way she is.</p><p></p><p>This type of life and relationship with our kids is NOT what we dream about when we first hold that baby. It is very hard to change our goals and expectations. Maybe it's time to detach and to concentrate on your own life (you are a good person) and your loving husband and other daughter who are able to treat you the way you deserve. Sounds like you have done all you can for your other daughter and the rest is up to her. I speak to you as somebody whose adopted son walked away six years ago and will never come back. I loved him as if I had given birth to him and did not see this coming. I had to grieve it almost as if it were a death. I recommend therapy. Therapy helped me see that the way S. is is because he has issues that are not even related to me. In time, I was able to move on. Fortunately for you, I doubt Daughter will ever completely cut you out of her life and you'll be able to keep tabs on her, but you can still go on and have a good life with those family and friends you have who can appreciate your kind, giving nature and reciprocate. You deserve a great rest-of-your-life.</p><p></p><p>Gentle hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 586232, member: 1550"] NOBODY NOBODY NOBODY says things in the kind, compassionate and honest way of Recovering Enabler. She must be one of t he kindest people on earth. But I'll try (I hate to follow her). First of all, I think most of the female kids who get us this far (Parent Emeritus) do have mood disorders, but also have other problems, such as drug abuse and/or personality disorders, such as borderline. Borderline and bipolar have a lot in common an d often co-exist, but borderlines do not tend to have any insight into their behavior and often t hey can not have relationships...they sabotage all of them. I am NOT saying your daughter has this, but I do think s he has some traits. And if she maybe has some traits, when they screw up their relationships, it is always somebody else's fault. By all means, encourage her to treat her bipolar. That is NOT being a bad parent. It would be nice, and comforting to you and, in the end, probably to her to, if medications helped her because her life seems to be constant fighting and chaos. I'm afraid E. is not all that stable either, but difficult children tend to find other difficult children. I guess I'm trying to throw out there that maybe there is even more going on than bipolar and that none of this...none at all...is either logical or your fault. It's perhaps just the way she is. This type of life and relationship with our kids is NOT what we dream about when we first hold that baby. It is very hard to change our goals and expectations. Maybe it's time to detach and to concentrate on your own life (you are a good person) and your loving husband and other daughter who are able to treat you the way you deserve. Sounds like you have done all you can for your other daughter and the rest is up to her. I speak to you as somebody whose adopted son walked away six years ago and will never come back. I loved him as if I had given birth to him and did not see this coming. I had to grieve it almost as if it were a death. I recommend therapy. Therapy helped me see that the way S. is is because he has issues that are not even related to me. In time, I was able to move on. Fortunately for you, I doubt Daughter will ever completely cut you out of her life and you'll be able to keep tabs on her, but you can still go on and have a good life with those family and friends you have who can appreciate your kind, giving nature and reciprocate. You deserve a great rest-of-your-life. Gentle hugs. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child has turned a corner and this is how I feel...
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