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Difficult child is falling apart
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 675795" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Ha! You guys. I answered this before reading long enough to know this was posted in February, that problem turned out to have been about abuse of medications, and has already been addressed. </p><p></p><p>The answer was a really good one though? So, I am going to post it anyway.</p><p></p><p>It helped me very much, to understand that perfectionism component and how it plays into anxiety.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Another way to see this kind of anxiety is: perfectionism. That your child is overwhelmed by fear, not that he will not be adequate, but that he will not be perfect ~ which none of us is. Think about the Arabic rug weavers who design a flaw into the rug because nothing, ever, will be perfect. When we find ourselves in the position your child is in now, the bravery it takes to meet the day anyway ~ to try, anyway ~ is astounding. There is no pleasure in succeeding, only the horror of the next perfection, and the next, and there is never a feeling of honor or reward.</p><p></p><p>I learned these things from reading Brene Brown's work on coping with overwhelming feelings. I will reference some of the books for you, IAD. Maybe, one of them could help your son see himself as what he is: Someone coping bravely with challenges other people would be crushed beneath.</p><p></p><p>How we see ourselves and our struggles can make a difference.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is happening to him. I remember how hard it was for him to try, and how hard he did try, at the grocery store.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you and D H are together in this.</p><p></p><p>It is still very hard.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=ted]talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p><a href="http://blog.ted.com/5-insights-from-brene-browns-new-book-daring-greatly-out-today/" target="_blank">http://blog.ted.com/5-insights-from-brene-browns-new-book-daring-greatly-out-today/</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 675795, member: 17461"] Ha! You guys. I answered this before reading long enough to know this was posted in February, that problem turned out to have been about abuse of medications, and has already been addressed. The answer was a really good one though? So, I am going to post it anyway. It helped me very much, to understand that perfectionism component and how it plays into anxiety. Another way to see this kind of anxiety is: perfectionism. That your child is overwhelmed by fear, not that he will not be adequate, but that he will not be perfect ~ which none of us is. Think about the Arabic rug weavers who design a flaw into the rug because nothing, ever, will be perfect. When we find ourselves in the position your child is in now, the bravery it takes to meet the day anyway ~ to try, anyway ~ is astounding. There is no pleasure in succeeding, only the horror of the next perfection, and the next, and there is never a feeling of honor or reward. I learned these things from reading Brene Brown's work on coping with overwhelming feelings. I will reference some of the books for you, IAD. Maybe, one of them could help your son see himself as what he is: Someone coping bravely with challenges other people would be crushed beneath. How we see ourselves and our struggles can make a difference. I am sorry this is happening to him. I remember how hard it was for him to try, and how hard he did try, at the grocery store. I am glad you and D H are together in this. It is still very hard. Cedar [MEDIA=ted]talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability[/MEDIA] [URL]http://blog.ted.com/5-insights-from-brene-browns-new-book-daring-greatly-out-today/[/URL] [/QUOTE]
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