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difficult child On His Way To Inpatient Again
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<blockquote data-quote="Transparent" data-source="post: 225052" data-attributes="member: 6498"><p>I'm going to be praying at the altar at church today for the first time in 25 years or so. I don't have anything left. husband and I talked to difficult child on the phone last night and he was so irritated. He said "I just don't feel anything anymore - I'm numb" Is that because he's been in the hospital so many times in the last few weeks? Is it the Celexa? Is it because the last place he was at was more like camp and this place is more modern in the ways of a tx? I just don't know but my gut is really starting to hate this Celexa. He was talking to us and sounding like he was 18 years old - not the child we've known. WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY SON?! I asked him if the nurses knew he was so upset and he said "they'd better know! I've been beating my head against the wall for an hour!" He's never done anything like that before. NEVER. His main thing has always been to lash out and threaten other people but to never do anything to hurt himself. Not physically I mean. He said that they had to draw blood again and they had to have extra nurses to hold him down. He said they told him he'd have to stay longer if he didn't learn to calm down. husband found a picture of difficult child in difficult child's room and he had taken a pin and poked holes in the eyes and ears. Insignificant and unrelated maybe but I can't put it out of my head.</p><p> </p><p>We'd taken the kids to get their Christmas pictures done the other night. I'd had to put it off several time because of difficult child's hospitalizations and here we were on the night of another admission and I just sucked it up and took the kids anyway. Selfish on my part maybe but I want a Christmas picture of all my babies together! difficult child was unruly. Ignoring every request of the photographer and even going so far as to tell her how to do her job. He's always right you know. He knows all. "I'm sitting up as straight as I can. I AM all the way forward. I can't sit like that it hurts my legs. My feet don't turn. I AM STANDING WHERE YOU PUT ME". I was so embarrassed and apologized to her. She said it was ok and she understood but I felt horrible. At least the other 2 acted alright. Well, my 2 year old ran around more than she stood still long enough for pictures but I digress.</p><p> </p><p>Why has he changed so much so fast? Why does he not only act older but LOOK older? husband and I both commented on difficult child looking 5 years older or more. (not to difficult child but to each other) Even the grandparents who don't know everything have said "difficult child seems different - something isn't right". Why is he suddenly so irritated ALL the time about EVERYTHING? He would get that way when he was having bad days but now it's a constant thing. He stays in that frame of mind. Why does he threaten to kill, why does he pull knives on his brother, why doesn't he acknowledge his sister's existence, why doesn't he have any remorse and why doesn't he have any empathy?? He's like a shell, a robot. No soul. When I look in his eyes there's nothing there.</p><p> </p><p>It's been so gradual getting here over the last 3 years but now all of a sudden it's in overdrive and we can't stop him. I get more and more fearful every day. husband sat at the table last night while I cleaned all the tot toys up in the living room. I looked over the pass-thru window and husband was gluing a pin back together that he and difficult child earned together at a family outing making a project at the local Home Depot. I could feel something was wrong and when I asked, all husband could do was shake and say "my son.. " tears streaming. We hadn't been off the phone with difficult child for very long so I know it was because of how difficult child sounded. I swear it wasn't him. We were talking to a stranger and it was beyond bad, beyond anything we've ever heard or even imagined from difficult child. </p><p> </p><p>I better stop now or I'll be late for church. Thanks for letting me get all that out. Even if you didn't read it, it's ok. Does it really just sound like depression? Is that what this is? His new counselor thinks he might be antisocial. I have to call the hospital and express my concerns over how he sounded on the phone last night. Something is wrong and so obviously different. </p><p> </p><p>/vent</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Transparent, post: 225052, member: 6498"] I'm going to be praying at the altar at church today for the first time in 25 years or so. I don't have anything left. husband and I talked to difficult child on the phone last night and he was so irritated. He said "I just don't feel anything anymore - I'm numb" Is that because he's been in the hospital so many times in the last few weeks? Is it the Celexa? Is it because the last place he was at was more like camp and this place is more modern in the ways of a tx? I just don't know but my gut is really starting to hate this Celexa. He was talking to us and sounding like he was 18 years old - not the child we've known. WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY SON?! I asked him if the nurses knew he was so upset and he said "they'd better know! I've been beating my head against the wall for an hour!" He's never done anything like that before. NEVER. His main thing has always been to lash out and threaten other people but to never do anything to hurt himself. Not physically I mean. He said that they had to draw blood again and they had to have extra nurses to hold him down. He said they told him he'd have to stay longer if he didn't learn to calm down. husband found a picture of difficult child in difficult child's room and he had taken a pin and poked holes in the eyes and ears. Insignificant and unrelated maybe but I can't put it out of my head. We'd taken the kids to get their Christmas pictures done the other night. I'd had to put it off several time because of difficult child's hospitalizations and here we were on the night of another admission and I just sucked it up and took the kids anyway. Selfish on my part maybe but I want a Christmas picture of all my babies together! difficult child was unruly. Ignoring every request of the photographer and even going so far as to tell her how to do her job. He's always right you know. He knows all. "I'm sitting up as straight as I can. I AM all the way forward. I can't sit like that it hurts my legs. My feet don't turn. I AM STANDING WHERE YOU PUT ME". I was so embarrassed and apologized to her. She said it was ok and she understood but I felt horrible. At least the other 2 acted alright. Well, my 2 year old ran around more than she stood still long enough for pictures but I digress. Why has he changed so much so fast? Why does he not only act older but LOOK older? husband and I both commented on difficult child looking 5 years older or more. (not to difficult child but to each other) Even the grandparents who don't know everything have said "difficult child seems different - something isn't right". Why is he suddenly so irritated ALL the time about EVERYTHING? He would get that way when he was having bad days but now it's a constant thing. He stays in that frame of mind. Why does he threaten to kill, why does he pull knives on his brother, why doesn't he acknowledge his sister's existence, why doesn't he have any remorse and why doesn't he have any empathy?? He's like a shell, a robot. No soul. When I look in his eyes there's nothing there. It's been so gradual getting here over the last 3 years but now all of a sudden it's in overdrive and we can't stop him. I get more and more fearful every day. husband sat at the table last night while I cleaned all the tot toys up in the living room. I looked over the pass-thru window and husband was gluing a pin back together that he and difficult child earned together at a family outing making a project at the local Home Depot. I could feel something was wrong and when I asked, all husband could do was shake and say "my son.. " tears streaming. We hadn't been off the phone with difficult child for very long so I know it was because of how difficult child sounded. I swear it wasn't him. We were talking to a stranger and it was beyond bad, beyond anything we've ever heard or even imagined from difficult child. I better stop now or I'll be late for church. Thanks for letting me get all that out. Even if you didn't read it, it's ok. Does it really just sound like depression? Is that what this is? His new counselor thinks he might be antisocial. I have to call the hospital and express my concerns over how he sounded on the phone last night. Something is wrong and so obviously different. /vent [/QUOTE]
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