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Difficult Child sleeping until 3pm
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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 751398" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>Update: Son has a job interview for a good position with the county on 9/10 . I cannot take him that day (as I am his current transportation), because I take my daughter to school 2 hours away that day.</p><p></p><p>He had a job interview for a job that was driving intensive a few weeks ago, and I suggested he ask my Father whether he could use my Father's vehicle for a few months in exchange for paying the insurance payments and all operating costs until he had 2 months on the job and could get a car loan at that time to buy the car from my Dad (he has been wanting to sell it). I see now how I meddled there.</p><p></p><p>That job fell through, however, and son has not wanted to take responsibility for insurance payments without an income. (He has some money he received for graduation presents. I am the one who sent the graduation announcements out to relatives after son refused to do that - again enabling and controlling on my part).</p><p></p><p>So now that I am unavailable to take son to interview, I suggested that he start the insurance payments on my Dad's car and move into more of an independence because independence fosters self esteem etc with the 1st of the month. It was in a moment of feeling confident and wanting to move forward.</p><p></p><p>In my stupidity of people pleasing, I told him he could pay on the 20th when the actual payment is due, but in retrospect it makes zero sense to let him drive the car without him paying anything for 20 days .So I have to rectify that situation. And I am afraid because he is going to be mad that I am changing what I said originally. </p><p></p><p>Secondly, I also have to lay down some rules. We don't want him to take the car out of the local area . For one, his drug using friends are in the big city and for two, the car is still my Dad's until son gets the bank loan and actually purchased it from him. I will also have to insist that he keep the vehicle clean and free of debris which was an issue before when he drove one of our cars. I am scared to have this conversation and to have to reinforce these boundaries because son has gotten veryv angry at me in the past and tongue lashed me in the most hurtful way .</p><p></p><p>I am enmeshing again by facilitating his use and purchase of my Dad's car when I could have stayed out of it, and let son find his own way to a new vehicle. I am scared he will eventually smoke pot again when he has access to car . And I also know that he needs to have independence and that by working , having his own car and being able to live his life will help with his depression and anxiety (hopefully).</p><p></p><p>He is seeing a therapist now and has an appointment for psychiatrist to get medications (I will only allow anti depressants in the house NOT anti anxiety medications) and he has been more helpful and accommodating around here since seeing the therapist. He just changed out the A/C filters, mowed yesterday. He still sleeps late, but not as late - he gets up around noon now. </p><p></p><p>I just need some back bone from you all to have the courage for the conversation about the car rules and to talk me out of my fears. I fear he cannot handle having a car, yet, and I know that keeping him cooped up in the house is not the answer , either. Plus I am unable to take him to work every day.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 751398, member: 24254"] Update: Son has a job interview for a good position with the county on 9/10 . I cannot take him that day (as I am his current transportation), because I take my daughter to school 2 hours away that day. He had a job interview for a job that was driving intensive a few weeks ago, and I suggested he ask my Father whether he could use my Father's vehicle for a few months in exchange for paying the insurance payments and all operating costs until he had 2 months on the job and could get a car loan at that time to buy the car from my Dad (he has been wanting to sell it). I see now how I meddled there. That job fell through, however, and son has not wanted to take responsibility for insurance payments without an income. (He has some money he received for graduation presents. I am the one who sent the graduation announcements out to relatives after son refused to do that - again enabling and controlling on my part). So now that I am unavailable to take son to interview, I suggested that he start the insurance payments on my Dad's car and move into more of an independence because independence fosters self esteem etc with the 1st of the month. It was in a moment of feeling confident and wanting to move forward. In my stupidity of people pleasing, I told him he could pay on the 20th when the actual payment is due, but in retrospect it makes zero sense to let him drive the car without him paying anything for 20 days .So I have to rectify that situation. And I am afraid because he is going to be mad that I am changing what I said originally. Secondly, I also have to lay down some rules. We don't want him to take the car out of the local area . For one, his drug using friends are in the big city and for two, the car is still my Dad's until son gets the bank loan and actually purchased it from him. I will also have to insist that he keep the vehicle clean and free of debris which was an issue before when he drove one of our cars. I am scared to have this conversation and to have to reinforce these boundaries because son has gotten veryv angry at me in the past and tongue lashed me in the most hurtful way . I am enmeshing again by facilitating his use and purchase of my Dad's car when I could have stayed out of it, and let son find his own way to a new vehicle. I am scared he will eventually smoke pot again when he has access to car . And I also know that he needs to have independence and that by working , having his own car and being able to live his life will help with his depression and anxiety (hopefully). He is seeing a therapist now and has an appointment for psychiatrist to get medications (I will only allow anti depressants in the house NOT anti anxiety medications) and he has been more helpful and accommodating around here since seeing the therapist. He just changed out the A/C filters, mowed yesterday. He still sleeps late, but not as late - he gets up around noon now. I just need some back bone from you all to have the courage for the conversation about the car rules and to talk me out of my fears. I fear he cannot handle having a car, yet, and I know that keeping him cooped up in the house is not the answer , either. Plus I am unable to take him to work every day. [/QUOTE]
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