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Substance Abuse
difficult child smashed into a parked car, drunk
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 517341"><p>Oh Nancy... I so know that feeling of being conned and the awful surprise and sense of betrayal when you figure it out. It is well and good to say you shouldnt read emails... and maybe now that you know where she is that would be a good idea for your own sanity.... but I really don't think early in recovery our difficult children can be trusted and so if you are helping them out having an idea of what is going on so you get a clue is understandable and probably just plain smart.</p><p></p><p>As far as going to the AA meetings with you, I suspect that was a combination of things. Part of that was keeping up appearances, I mean you were proud of her, pleased with how she was doing and so willing to help her. I think that was partly a con and partly she wants a relationship with you and if she is drinking she can only have it with you if she convinces you she is not drinking... and what better way than to attend AA meetings with you. </p><p></p><p>I also think it was probably part of her faulty thinking... I am sober (at least sort of) in that I am not drinking to excess, I am just doing it socially etc... and so in her own mind she has defined her sobriety in a way that allows her to drink (or maybe she is sober from booze but smokes a little pot). I know my difficult child considered himself sober at one point because he wasn't smoking pot... he was only robotripping once in a while or something like that. Very faulty thinking and justification. We know using any drugs or alcohol for them is not being sober..</p><p></p><p>So it was probably both partly a con and partly her own mind justifying herself.... but of course if she is drinking she is not going to continue being comfortable at AA and other addicts will notice and call her on it. It is sad how they delude themselves.</p><p></p><p>Stay strong you are doing great... and so is your husband. I hope I am as strong as you if my son totally relapses.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 517341"] Oh Nancy... I so know that feeling of being conned and the awful surprise and sense of betrayal when you figure it out. It is well and good to say you shouldnt read emails... and maybe now that you know where she is that would be a good idea for your own sanity.... but I really don't think early in recovery our difficult children can be trusted and so if you are helping them out having an idea of what is going on so you get a clue is understandable and probably just plain smart. As far as going to the AA meetings with you, I suspect that was a combination of things. Part of that was keeping up appearances, I mean you were proud of her, pleased with how she was doing and so willing to help her. I think that was partly a con and partly she wants a relationship with you and if she is drinking she can only have it with you if she convinces you she is not drinking... and what better way than to attend AA meetings with you. I also think it was probably part of her faulty thinking... I am sober (at least sort of) in that I am not drinking to excess, I am just doing it socially etc... and so in her own mind she has defined her sobriety in a way that allows her to drink (or maybe she is sober from booze but smokes a little pot). I know my difficult child considered himself sober at one point because he wasn't smoking pot... he was only robotripping once in a while or something like that. Very faulty thinking and justification. We know using any drugs or alcohol for them is not being sober.. So it was probably both partly a con and partly her own mind justifying herself.... but of course if she is drinking she is not going to continue being comfortable at AA and other addicts will notice and call her on it. It is sad how they delude themselves. Stay strong you are doing great... and so is your husband. I hope I am as strong as you if my son totally relapses. TL [/QUOTE]
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difficult child smashed into a parked car, drunk
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