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Difficult Child Update - "In Your Face Mom"
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<blockquote data-quote="WearyMom18" data-source="post: 651872" data-attributes="member: 18856"><p>It IS terrible Carri and I grieve the life that I had always envisioned for my daughter. Why couldn't she have just done what I did and what we raised her to do, go to school and to college, get a job, get married and have children? The good ole American way! I am angry with her that I didn't get to experience getting her ready for homecoming and prom and seeing her go to pep rally' and football games in high school. I am angry that despite everything we did for her she fought us and went against everything we stood for and raised her to be! We didn't ask too much, we weren't the most lenient parents on the block but we did have expectations of respect, self-respect and to live by the morals and values we taught.</p><p></p><p>I'm angry at myself for allowing her to abuse me for 4 long years and what's most maddening is the fact that I'll never know why!</p><p></p><p>It's the ultimate betrayal to have your own child bring people to your home while you're out making a living to provide all the things you give to them, to rob you blind without even a flicker of conscience. We called the police after she finally admitted that she had orchestrated the theft and the police told us if we filed the charges, it would be a state jail felony carrying a sentence of up to 10 years. We didn't do it; we didn't want to put a felony on her record. Boy oh boy do we regret that now. Maybe if we had done it she wouldn't have been able to do all that she's done since then, maybe it would have stopped there and she would've finally had clarity and turn her life around. </p><p></p><p>It's so hard to feel all that anger and also the pain of the loss of what could have been. I'm angry that she has done all of this to herself and to us. Sometimes I think to myself that I wish she would get put in prison to learn her lesson but I know in the end that wouldn't make me feel better.</p><p></p><p>I live a Rollercoaster of emotions everyday. Sometimes it just sad pain and grieving and others it's frustration and anger and every once in a while a wish for revenge for all that she has put us through and continues to put us through.</p><p></p><p>Aaahhhh, I have to breathe and learn to let her carry her own burdens and detach from that person she has chosen to become. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. </p><p></p><p>This is a journey, a very long journey that is mostly uphill, in the rain with an occasional falling boulder LOL. It's going to be a very long journey to unlearn (is that a word? LOL) the behaviors and thought patterns I have lived all these years but I know it's possible, that inner peace is possible if I keep persevering. </p><p></p><p>To have all of you, just for this one week that I've been a member has been absolutely the most empowering experience and it's has jump started my own recovery. Thank you to everyone for every word you type in support and understanding and guidance. I am blessed.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WearyMom18, post: 651872, member: 18856"] It IS terrible Carri and I grieve the life that I had always envisioned for my daughter. Why couldn't she have just done what I did and what we raised her to do, go to school and to college, get a job, get married and have children? The good ole American way! I am angry with her that I didn't get to experience getting her ready for homecoming and prom and seeing her go to pep rally' and football games in high school. I am angry that despite everything we did for her she fought us and went against everything we stood for and raised her to be! We didn't ask too much, we weren't the most lenient parents on the block but we did have expectations of respect, self-respect and to live by the morals and values we taught. I'm angry at myself for allowing her to abuse me for 4 long years and what's most maddening is the fact that I'll never know why! It's the ultimate betrayal to have your own child bring people to your home while you're out making a living to provide all the things you give to them, to rob you blind without even a flicker of conscience. We called the police after she finally admitted that she had orchestrated the theft and the police told us if we filed the charges, it would be a state jail felony carrying a sentence of up to 10 years. We didn't do it; we didn't want to put a felony on her record. Boy oh boy do we regret that now. Maybe if we had done it she wouldn't have been able to do all that she's done since then, maybe it would have stopped there and she would've finally had clarity and turn her life around. It's so hard to feel all that anger and also the pain of the loss of what could have been. I'm angry that she has done all of this to herself and to us. Sometimes I think to myself that I wish she would get put in prison to learn her lesson but I know in the end that wouldn't make me feel better. I live a Rollercoaster of emotions everyday. Sometimes it just sad pain and grieving and others it's frustration and anger and every once in a while a wish for revenge for all that she has put us through and continues to put us through. Aaahhhh, I have to breathe and learn to let her carry her own burdens and detach from that person she has chosen to become. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. This is a journey, a very long journey that is mostly uphill, in the rain with an occasional falling boulder LOL. It's going to be a very long journey to unlearn (is that a word? LOL) the behaviors and thought patterns I have lived all these years but I know it's possible, that inner peace is possible if I keep persevering. To have all of you, just for this one week that I've been a member has been absolutely the most empowering experience and it's has jump started my own recovery. Thank you to everyone for every word you type in support and understanding and guidance. I am blessed. [/QUOTE]
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