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Difficult topic: Have you ever had suicidal thoughts?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 642354" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>MWM, you are such an endearing, truthful, sensitive and honorable soul..........I so empathize with how you are feeling today. </p><p></p><p>I don't have active suicide feelings, however, there have been many times where I have felt as if I could not sustain the level of suffering I felt. </p><p></p><p>What I can relate to are the mood changes which are felt deeply. I'm aware that others seem to have a more smooth and steady relationship with their emotions, where I can be thrown off balance fairly easily because of my enormous empathy. Someone posted a blurb recently about being an Empath, someone very tuned in to the feelings of others, almost to the point of being psychic. I am that person. I believe you are too. That gives us many abilities to be compassionate, good listeners, to be very present and able to see others.........to be able to extend ourselves to others and hold their tender emotional states safely. I can be present with others suffering and with profound loss, mine and others, I'm able to contain those feelings within me and stay grounded.</p><p></p><p>On the other hand, because I am so sensitive, the emotional waves around me, or sometimes the emotional waves in the world, can have a profound and very difficult impact on me. Which is why I do so much to keep myself in balance, diet, exercise, meditation, it's a balancing act to stay grounded and present and emotionally stable because I am so very sensitive and I FEEL everything with a capital F.</p><p></p><p>Our dysfunctional backgrounds of being able to see and feel the truth as children was a double edge sword which put us in harms way.....and yet we emerged from that stronger and capable of being in the 'fray' of emotional chaos without losing our center.</p><p></p><p>Doesn't mean we don't feel life's uncertainties and challenges deeply.</p><p></p><p>I may be wrong here MWM, but like me, your "job" your reason for being, all your energies and direction has been focused on parenting, on taking care of others. With Sonic and Jumper leaving, Julie with her new baby and 37 far away..........your world has suddenly become empty. So has mine. I've been experiencing a lot of "emptiness" lately. At times it feels very strange. I try hard not to allow myself to slip into a dark place about it because I believe it is a huge life transition for me, going from what I've done for 40 years, taking care of others as my primary direction.......to this emptiness. It can be uncomfortable. </p><p></p><p>Oddly, like you, yesterday seemed especially strange. I was out of sorts. I felt like I didn't fit in to my own skin.</p><p></p><p>I think it's all appropriate though. Humans just don't swing from one life experience to another without some weird feelings. Like the bird flying from one thermal to another to gain altitude, once you leave the safety of that thermal, the wind can blow you into some serious chaos!!</p><p></p><p>It's uncomfortable to not have a clear vision of what the next step is. Letting go of the "kids" into their own lives is strange. I feel that with my granddaughter away at college like your Jumper. And I feel it with my daughter, who seems to be changing and somehow that negative connection we had is gone. We've had that connection forever...........and now those chords are broken. That is a good thing. AND, it can feel very, very strange. It can make me feel as if I am not sure who I am, where I'm going and what I'm supposed to do now. </p><p></p><p>I've often said to husband lately, "I feel as if I SHOULD be doing something and I don't know what it is." I've been a 'doing' machine for a very long time. Now I am just BEING. That transition feels empty. However, I think that emptiness is a profoundly important place to be. I think it is the place within which new life will begin............new ideas.........openings that weren't there before...........creation. </p><p></p><p>We birthed children and we raised them and now that is essentially over. We are the birds who've left the thermals. There is this period of unknowing, of emptiness, of a vacuum, all of that space................my sense is I just have to keep riding this wave until I land somewhere. It's a little disconcerting, sometimes uncomfortable, often strange, and yet..................there is promise MWM, there is opportunity, there is a birth...............all we can do is stay open and breathe..........</p><p></p><p>I believe this is a profound transition. It can be scary and strange. Or we can frame it as being exciting, new, an opening, a possibility that just wasn't present before. I think emptiness is not honored in our culture, we're so busy doing and moving and shaking, the stillness is looked upon as negative. I am practicing honoring that space of stillness. I am practicing being present in it. Allowing the uncertainty. </p><p></p><p>My thoughts are with you today MWM. Hang in there. Right on the other side of the horizon is a whole new possibility. We just have to wait until it becomes clearer.............it will. Just give it a little time...........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 642354, member: 13542"] MWM, you are such an endearing, truthful, sensitive and honorable soul..........I so empathize with how you are feeling today. I don't have active suicide feelings, however, there have been many times where I have felt as if I could not sustain the level of suffering I felt. What I can relate to are the mood changes which are felt deeply. I'm aware that others seem to have a more smooth and steady relationship with their emotions, where I can be thrown off balance fairly easily because of my enormous empathy. Someone posted a blurb recently about being an Empath, someone very tuned in to the feelings of others, almost to the point of being psychic. I am that person. I believe you are too. That gives us many abilities to be compassionate, good listeners, to be very present and able to see others.........to be able to extend ourselves to others and hold their tender emotional states safely. I can be present with others suffering and with profound loss, mine and others, I'm able to contain those feelings within me and stay grounded. On the other hand, because I am so sensitive, the emotional waves around me, or sometimes the emotional waves in the world, can have a profound and very difficult impact on me. Which is why I do so much to keep myself in balance, diet, exercise, meditation, it's a balancing act to stay grounded and present and emotionally stable because I am so very sensitive and I FEEL everything with a capital F. Our dysfunctional backgrounds of being able to see and feel the truth as children was a double edge sword which put us in harms way.....and yet we emerged from that stronger and capable of being in the 'fray' of emotional chaos without losing our center. Doesn't mean we don't feel life's uncertainties and challenges deeply. I may be wrong here MWM, but like me, your "job" your reason for being, all your energies and direction has been focused on parenting, on taking care of others. With Sonic and Jumper leaving, Julie with her new baby and 37 far away..........your world has suddenly become empty. So has mine. I've been experiencing a lot of "emptiness" lately. At times it feels very strange. I try hard not to allow myself to slip into a dark place about it because I believe it is a huge life transition for me, going from what I've done for 40 years, taking care of others as my primary direction.......to this emptiness. It can be uncomfortable. Oddly, like you, yesterday seemed especially strange. I was out of sorts. I felt like I didn't fit in to my own skin. I think it's all appropriate though. Humans just don't swing from one life experience to another without some weird feelings. Like the bird flying from one thermal to another to gain altitude, once you leave the safety of that thermal, the wind can blow you into some serious chaos!! It's uncomfortable to not have a clear vision of what the next step is. Letting go of the "kids" into their own lives is strange. I feel that with my granddaughter away at college like your Jumper. And I feel it with my daughter, who seems to be changing and somehow that negative connection we had is gone. We've had that connection forever...........and now those chords are broken. That is a good thing. AND, it can feel very, very strange. It can make me feel as if I am not sure who I am, where I'm going and what I'm supposed to do now. I've often said to husband lately, "I feel as if I SHOULD be doing something and I don't know what it is." I've been a 'doing' machine for a very long time. Now I am just BEING. That transition feels empty. However, I think that emptiness is a profoundly important place to be. I think it is the place within which new life will begin............new ideas.........openings that weren't there before...........creation. We birthed children and we raised them and now that is essentially over. We are the birds who've left the thermals. There is this period of unknowing, of emptiness, of a vacuum, all of that space................my sense is I just have to keep riding this wave until I land somewhere. It's a little disconcerting, sometimes uncomfortable, often strange, and yet..................there is promise MWM, there is opportunity, there is a birth...............all we can do is stay open and breathe.......... I believe this is a profound transition. It can be scary and strange. Or we can frame it as being exciting, new, an opening, a possibility that just wasn't present before. I think emptiness is not honored in our culture, we're so busy doing and moving and shaking, the stillness is looked upon as negative. I am practicing honoring that space of stillness. I am practicing being present in it. Allowing the uncertainty. My thoughts are with you today MWM. Hang in there. Right on the other side of the horizon is a whole new possibility. We just have to wait until it becomes clearer.............it will. Just give it a little time........... [/QUOTE]
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