Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
Okay, it's bad enough that we as parents of difficult child's have to endure their gfgness. But I can pretty much deal with that as it's my own kid. I swear, though, that I've about had my fill of N's b/f.
Everytime I start thinking he's immature but otherwise ok, he just has to blow it out of the water.
Tonight N has him bring her home early so she can help me plant the tulip and daphodil plants I bought. She'd been itching to do this for days but the rain held it off. Both kids seemed in pretty good moods. Baby is always in a good mood. The weeding the flower beds and planting goes off without a hitch. We go inside.
N comes out of the bedroom, baby on one hip, diaper bag on the other. It's not uncommon for them to shift from one set of parents house to the other. So I didn't give it a thought. N goes out and puts the baby into the carseat in b/f's car. Several minutes pass and b/f doesn't come out of her room. N comes back inside and asks him if he's coming.
I didn't hear what he said to her, but she says I know that's where we're going, are you coming? She doesn't sound the least bit miffed. Rolls her eyes and grins at me as she makes her way back outside to check on the baby in the car. B/f stays in the room. (room is right off the livingroom) I still don't pay much attention assuming he's on her computer or something. N waits in the car for a long time.
Finally I can hear the baby crying in the car when she comes in again to ask b/f if he's coming. He says something to her, she says I know that's where we're going. The baby is crying, come on let's go. He says something else. N asks if he's mad. He says she's mad or something to that effect because she says that she's not upset and asks what his problem is? However she is growing impatient as the baby is really beginning to scream.
This is where it falls apart. They start bantering. The baby is screaming. (I'm sure she didn't like being left in the car and she was tired) After a few minutes with N's ok, I go fetch the baby back inside and watch her. I saw no reason for her to stay in the car while her parents hashed whatever it was out. N went into the bedroom with b/f and closed the door.
And as usual, it gets dramatic. After just a short while door comes open. I notice N's computer chair is right in front of it. B/f starts whining that N supposedly blocked the door, tossed water or lemonaide on him (he was awfully dry), and tackled him when he tried to leave the room. I've decided these 2 kids have to be the quietest physical fighters I've ever been around. husband were sitting right in the livingroom and didn't hear hardly a thing. Certainly nothing that indicated anything physical was going on or else I'd been in there in a flash.
B/f proceeds to the front porch where he has to loudly declare again about N tackling him, being physical, needing "help", among other things. N told him all she did was block the door so he'd tell her what she'd done to make him mad all of a sudden. He keeps harping about how she needs more "help" than he can give her. How he can't "help" her anymore. (for those who remember, here we go again) How if she'd just take her medications everything would be just hunky dory. N told him she never forgets her medications. Nor does she. I know for a fact. So he switches it to well then they aren't working, and she needs more. She needs to see a therapist. And she's standing there bawling trying to get him to tell her what she did to make him mad. Then he has the nerve to tell her she needs to be admitted again!
*Insert POed parent here*
1. Is it just me but does b/f seem like an awfully big WUSS to anyone???? I'm not justifying if N is becoming physical. But come on. B/f stands over 6 feet and weighs almost 200 lbs. N is 4 feet 10 and finally made it to 115. Unless she has some sort of weapon in her hand, I'm not going to be overly concerned with her physically hurting b/f. I'm sure if he really felt threatened he could have managed to move her aside and walk out the door, He knew husband and I were on the other side and could have asked us to help.
2. Doesn't it seem a wee bit presumptious of this 20 yr old kid to think it his place to "help" my daughter who is already under the able care of a more than qualified psychiatrist???
3. N has been stable for months. This is the first slightest *hint* of this type of behavior between them. And I didn't see it, nor hear any indication that is what really happened. Oops, excuse me. N did say she bit him on the arm because he had grabbed a hold of her. Still on the porch N, other than the crying, was fairly composed. I saw none of the older behavior.
B/f went on to insinuate that N has been "having a problem all along" that she "just can't learn to control herself". And started in on the hospital and such yet again. Then hinted something about the baby, but N shot him down fast. (if she hadn't I would have)
N again asked him what his problem was, that she had just wanted to go to his house. Then he pounces on something about her Algebra II class and how he had tried to help her and she had flunked anyway cuz she just wouldn't listen to him and do it like he said to. She started crying again and tried to explain she didn't understand it. He tells her she should have understood it cuz he showed her how to do it. She should have read the instructions. How did she expect to make it in college. She shot back that she's sorry she's dyslexic and has a problem with that sort of thing. He doesn't believe her. She asks for back up from me and I explain it to him. He doesn't look happy. He accuses her of asking him to help her so he would do her work and she'd get a good grade. She let him know that she got F's on the stuff he showed her how to do.
Then he starts in on her about graduation and college. I'm sitting in the livingroom, front porch door is open, and I'm thinking who do you think you are?? Her parent? He keeps telling her that if she doesn't get control over herself, she's going to be nothing and go nowhere.
The arguement seemed to stop as fast as it started. Bare in mind the above was heard through baby babble. It was a good thing it stopped there because I'd had my fill of his Holier Than Thou attitude and his condesending manner. If it had continued it probably would've gotten alot uglier because I'd have ripped him a new one.
B/f leaves and N is crying on the porch steps. (believe me, if N was unstable the boy wouldn't have made it off the porch) I go out and sit with her. She still hasn't a clue why they were fighting or why he was mad at her.
I wonder if I should be glad I wasn't the only one who missed the point of all of that. Hmmmmm.
I don't get it. He started the fight. Yet kept telling N it was all her fault, she needed to go back to the hospital, the medication thing, and on and on. They were in the bedroom with the door closed not even 10 mins tops. The front porch dramatics didn't last more than 15 mins.
Every single time I'm around when they're fighting he is telling her exactly the same thing almost word for word. And it is always with the same Holier Than Thou and condensending tone of voice. And of course, it is always her fault. She is always the one who needs to change. And from what N has told me, it's the same even when I'm not around to hear it.
This has become a pattern. One that doesn't sit well with me.
I'm a parent that when my kid is in the wrong I feel no need to come to their defense. But I swear, when he starts this I just want to rip him apart verbally til I have him groveling at my feet just so I can ask him how it feels. (isn't that awful?) N does have a temper, but mine makes hers look like a picnic.
I'm beginning to wonder if he is using her disorders as a means of degredation and control. All he has to do is hint that he doesn't want to be with her anymore and she crumbles. She'll admit fault when there is nothing to admit.
I do try to stay out of the drama except to supervise to make sure the physical stays out of it. But if they keep putting it in my face I don't know how long I'll be able to manage it. I did NOT like the pain I watched cross N's face when he told her she needed to be back in the hospital.
We do talk. And I do try to be fair and point out things I see that need worked on with both of them. (last thing I want is her to start defending him) Lord, she'll be 18 in June.
Sorry this turned out so darn long. If you made it this far thanks for reading. I just needed to vent and sort out my thoughts.
Everytime I start thinking he's immature but otherwise ok, he just has to blow it out of the water.
Tonight N has him bring her home early so she can help me plant the tulip and daphodil plants I bought. She'd been itching to do this for days but the rain held it off. Both kids seemed in pretty good moods. Baby is always in a good mood. The weeding the flower beds and planting goes off without a hitch. We go inside.
N comes out of the bedroom, baby on one hip, diaper bag on the other. It's not uncommon for them to shift from one set of parents house to the other. So I didn't give it a thought. N goes out and puts the baby into the carseat in b/f's car. Several minutes pass and b/f doesn't come out of her room. N comes back inside and asks him if he's coming.
I didn't hear what he said to her, but she says I know that's where we're going, are you coming? She doesn't sound the least bit miffed. Rolls her eyes and grins at me as she makes her way back outside to check on the baby in the car. B/f stays in the room. (room is right off the livingroom) I still don't pay much attention assuming he's on her computer or something. N waits in the car for a long time.
Finally I can hear the baby crying in the car when she comes in again to ask b/f if he's coming. He says something to her, she says I know that's where we're going. The baby is crying, come on let's go. He says something else. N asks if he's mad. He says she's mad or something to that effect because she says that she's not upset and asks what his problem is? However she is growing impatient as the baby is really beginning to scream.
This is where it falls apart. They start bantering. The baby is screaming. (I'm sure she didn't like being left in the car and she was tired) After a few minutes with N's ok, I go fetch the baby back inside and watch her. I saw no reason for her to stay in the car while her parents hashed whatever it was out. N went into the bedroom with b/f and closed the door.
And as usual, it gets dramatic. After just a short while door comes open. I notice N's computer chair is right in front of it. B/f starts whining that N supposedly blocked the door, tossed water or lemonaide on him (he was awfully dry), and tackled him when he tried to leave the room. I've decided these 2 kids have to be the quietest physical fighters I've ever been around. husband were sitting right in the livingroom and didn't hear hardly a thing. Certainly nothing that indicated anything physical was going on or else I'd been in there in a flash.
B/f proceeds to the front porch where he has to loudly declare again about N tackling him, being physical, needing "help", among other things. N told him all she did was block the door so he'd tell her what she'd done to make him mad all of a sudden. He keeps harping about how she needs more "help" than he can give her. How he can't "help" her anymore. (for those who remember, here we go again) How if she'd just take her medications everything would be just hunky dory. N told him she never forgets her medications. Nor does she. I know for a fact. So he switches it to well then they aren't working, and she needs more. She needs to see a therapist. And she's standing there bawling trying to get him to tell her what she did to make him mad. Then he has the nerve to tell her she needs to be admitted again!
*Insert POed parent here*
1. Is it just me but does b/f seem like an awfully big WUSS to anyone???? I'm not justifying if N is becoming physical. But come on. B/f stands over 6 feet and weighs almost 200 lbs. N is 4 feet 10 and finally made it to 115. Unless she has some sort of weapon in her hand, I'm not going to be overly concerned with her physically hurting b/f. I'm sure if he really felt threatened he could have managed to move her aside and walk out the door, He knew husband and I were on the other side and could have asked us to help.
2. Doesn't it seem a wee bit presumptious of this 20 yr old kid to think it his place to "help" my daughter who is already under the able care of a more than qualified psychiatrist???
3. N has been stable for months. This is the first slightest *hint* of this type of behavior between them. And I didn't see it, nor hear any indication that is what really happened. Oops, excuse me. N did say she bit him on the arm because he had grabbed a hold of her. Still on the porch N, other than the crying, was fairly composed. I saw none of the older behavior.
B/f went on to insinuate that N has been "having a problem all along" that she "just can't learn to control herself". And started in on the hospital and such yet again. Then hinted something about the baby, but N shot him down fast. (if she hadn't I would have)
N again asked him what his problem was, that she had just wanted to go to his house. Then he pounces on something about her Algebra II class and how he had tried to help her and she had flunked anyway cuz she just wouldn't listen to him and do it like he said to. She started crying again and tried to explain she didn't understand it. He tells her she should have understood it cuz he showed her how to do it. She should have read the instructions. How did she expect to make it in college. She shot back that she's sorry she's dyslexic and has a problem with that sort of thing. He doesn't believe her. She asks for back up from me and I explain it to him. He doesn't look happy. He accuses her of asking him to help her so he would do her work and she'd get a good grade. She let him know that she got F's on the stuff he showed her how to do.
Then he starts in on her about graduation and college. I'm sitting in the livingroom, front porch door is open, and I'm thinking who do you think you are?? Her parent? He keeps telling her that if she doesn't get control over herself, she's going to be nothing and go nowhere.
The arguement seemed to stop as fast as it started. Bare in mind the above was heard through baby babble. It was a good thing it stopped there because I'd had my fill of his Holier Than Thou attitude and his condesending manner. If it had continued it probably would've gotten alot uglier because I'd have ripped him a new one.
B/f leaves and N is crying on the porch steps. (believe me, if N was unstable the boy wouldn't have made it off the porch) I go out and sit with her. She still hasn't a clue why they were fighting or why he was mad at her.
I wonder if I should be glad I wasn't the only one who missed the point of all of that. Hmmmmm.
I don't get it. He started the fight. Yet kept telling N it was all her fault, she needed to go back to the hospital, the medication thing, and on and on. They were in the bedroom with the door closed not even 10 mins tops. The front porch dramatics didn't last more than 15 mins.
Every single time I'm around when they're fighting he is telling her exactly the same thing almost word for word. And it is always with the same Holier Than Thou and condensending tone of voice. And of course, it is always her fault. She is always the one who needs to change. And from what N has told me, it's the same even when I'm not around to hear it.
This has become a pattern. One that doesn't sit well with me.
I'm a parent that when my kid is in the wrong I feel no need to come to their defense. But I swear, when he starts this I just want to rip him apart verbally til I have him groveling at my feet just so I can ask him how it feels. (isn't that awful?) N does have a temper, but mine makes hers look like a picnic.
I'm beginning to wonder if he is using her disorders as a means of degredation and control. All he has to do is hint that he doesn't want to be with her anymore and she crumbles. She'll admit fault when there is nothing to admit.
I do try to stay out of the drama except to supervise to make sure the physical stays out of it. But if they keep putting it in my face I don't know how long I'll be able to manage it. I did NOT like the pain I watched cross N's face when he told her she needed to be back in the hospital.
We do talk. And I do try to be fair and point out things I see that need worked on with both of them. (last thing I want is her to start defending him) Lord, she'll be 18 in June.
Sorry this turned out so darn long. If you made it this far thanks for reading. I just needed to vent and sort out my thoughts.
