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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 31873"><p>I think your intuition is right on. This sounds so so familiar to me...I instantly thought of my first husband.</p><p></p><p>The better and more stable N becomes, the less she "needs" boyfriend, the less control boyfriend has over her. That is threatening to boyfriend and he needs to "beat her down" again in order to regain that control. He, in a sense, doesn't want her to get better....and/or better than him. </p><p></p><p>Sadly, making N see that is going to be another story entirely. If you try to talk to her about it, she will probably jump right to his defense...especially now that there is a child involved. I would contact a local domestic violence support group for resources/information. I'm not saying boyfriend is violent, but that kind of manipulation goes hand in hand with violence so those kind of groups will be trained in dealing with these issues. They may have some really good suggestions for you in how to broach your concerns with N. </p><p></p><p>N has Borderline (BPD), correct? That makes her easy prey for this kind of behavior from boyfriend....the whole rejection thing. I really feel for you. And for N. I hope she sees boyfriend for what he really is. And sooner than later.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 31873"] I think your intuition is right on. This sounds so so familiar to me...I instantly thought of my first husband. The better and more stable N becomes, the less she "needs" boyfriend, the less control boyfriend has over her. That is threatening to boyfriend and he needs to "beat her down" again in order to regain that control. He, in a sense, doesn't want her to get better....and/or better than him. Sadly, making N see that is going to be another story entirely. If you try to talk to her about it, she will probably jump right to his defense...especially now that there is a child involved. I would contact a local domestic violence support group for resources/information. I'm not saying boyfriend is violent, but that kind of manipulation goes hand in hand with violence so those kind of groups will be trained in dealing with these issues. They may have some really good suggestions for you in how to broach your concerns with N. N has Borderline (BPD), correct? That makes her easy prey for this kind of behavior from boyfriend....the whole rejection thing. I really feel for you. And for N. I hope she sees boyfriend for what he really is. And sooner than later. [/QUOTE]
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