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Diverging theories & confusion...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 698839" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think all you can do is your best and follow what your instincts tell you is the right thing. If and when there is no right thing, because this is real life and often there isn't a right thing, just several bad things, you have to do the best you can and pray to whomever or whatever you believe in for the best possible outcome. Sometimes you have to cut contact, but sometimes it is the worst thing you can do.</p><p></p><p>There was a time when my brother was supposed to go back to his home after a few months at my parents' home. My mother had a very strong feeling that if he left, she would never see him alive again. So she did what she had to in order to make him stay. He was in his late 30s and she could not have forced him to stay. She did persuade him to stay, and in less than a month he crashed and burned in a major way. Less than 2 weeks later he did it again but in an even bigger way. That led to rehab and a whole new sober life. I learned to rely on my instincts from my mom, and I have and will trust her instincts when they scream at her, just as I trust mine esp when they scream at me. I have every reason to believe my brother would be dead now if he had gone back to his home in a wilderness area of a major forest. I have to believe that if your instincts are telling you something, even if it makes absolutely no sense, they are telling you that something for a very good reason. </p><p></p><p>We don't really understand the brain or addiction, and most options for dealing with addiction are bad. You just have to figure out what has the best chance of working, try it, pray, and hope for thebest, reevaluating when possible and making new choices with new information. </p><p></p><p>As long as you don't ever set out to harm, you have to do the best you can and forgive yourself for any mistakes. My mother once told me that it wasn't like she ever woke up and wondered what the worst thing she could do to her kids was, so she did the best she could in murky and uncertain waters. I think that is all you can ask of yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 698839, member: 1233"] I think all you can do is your best and follow what your instincts tell you is the right thing. If and when there is no right thing, because this is real life and often there isn't a right thing, just several bad things, you have to do the best you can and pray to whomever or whatever you believe in for the best possible outcome. Sometimes you have to cut contact, but sometimes it is the worst thing you can do. There was a time when my brother was supposed to go back to his home after a few months at my parents' home. My mother had a very strong feeling that if he left, she would never see him alive again. So she did what she had to in order to make him stay. He was in his late 30s and she could not have forced him to stay. She did persuade him to stay, and in less than a month he crashed and burned in a major way. Less than 2 weeks later he did it again but in an even bigger way. That led to rehab and a whole new sober life. I learned to rely on my instincts from my mom, and I have and will trust her instincts when they scream at her, just as I trust mine esp when they scream at me. I have every reason to believe my brother would be dead now if he had gone back to his home in a wilderness area of a major forest. I have to believe that if your instincts are telling you something, even if it makes absolutely no sense, they are telling you that something for a very good reason. We don't really understand the brain or addiction, and most options for dealing with addiction are bad. You just have to figure out what has the best chance of working, try it, pray, and hope for thebest, reevaluating when possible and making new choices with new information. As long as you don't ever set out to harm, you have to do the best you can and forgive yourself for any mistakes. My mother once told me that it wasn't like she ever woke up and wondered what the worst thing she could do to her kids was, so she did the best she could in murky and uncertain waters. I think that is all you can ask of yourself. [/QUOTE]
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