Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Do others feel this way with other children too?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Chasejazz" data-source="post: 752977" data-attributes="member: 24130"><p>Hello, and welcome Louise. I am sorry you had to find this site, but glad that you made it here where you are safe to tell your story and express your feelings. That being said, I'll say first off that your feelings are all valid. I too have a daughter (who's also my middle child), who one day out of the blue disconnected with me. That was over 6 years ago. I was left with a sadness in the deepest recesses of my being that churned inside of me day in and day out. It took hold and no matter what, would not let go. </p><p>All these years later, I've managed to put it in a compartment in my brain that I try to not think about, but sometimes, (like coming across your post, or having her creep into my dreams) I'm forced to look at it and re-examine it once again.</p><p></p><p>Like you, I have no idea why my daughter broke away from the family. Like you, she'd accused me at times of caring about her brothers more than I ever cared about her. She said she wished she had never been born. That she thought she was adopted. Not true. Like you, my daughter keeps contact with her brothers, but it is secreted from me and that is very hurtful. When she married about 5 years ago, she sent wedding invitations to her brothers, but excluded me from the wedding. That was when I truly realized that the mother/daughter relationship had ended. Last I heard, she lists her best friend from childhood's family as her own on Facebook. Mother, Father, sisters and brothers....she has essentially created a new alternate existence for herself.</p><p>This in itself is a deep subject that I can't figure out, so I'll just leave it alone. </p><p>You know, I see so many articles on the internet these days of adult kids, in particular, disowning their families. </p><p>It's like a fad, A cult. Something.</p><p>There's a convergence in this new millennium population, wherein the act like people and things are so disposable. Many have no true connection to any one or any thing.</p><p>I really do think that has something to do with it.</p><p>If the practice of cutting off your parents is so widely accepted (and I never heard of it in my day) then these kids feel absolutely no guilt about shutting out their parents without explanation. I have also read about this so-called Toxic Family Syndrome, brought on by new-wave psychologists, that encourage adult children to get rid of their biological families because of "toxic" child-rearing practices. The lists of what constitutes "toxic" is long and tedious, and are some down right stupid in my humble opinion, so I won't bore you with them.</p><p>As far as my daughter is concerned, I have finally just let go of her. She was <em>of me but not a true part of me </em>and now she'll make the rest of her journey as she has chosen. (I might add that she is my spitting image...eyes, hair, face, etc so, so much for getting away from me when mirrors are around!).</p><p>I do feel your pain. It's very true and deep. It's sadness, anger, betrayal, mistrust. There's a very finite line in your heart when you feel you've lost the confidence of your children, and of other family members to boot.</p><p>I might add that subsequently, my youngest son got married a few months ago and invited his dad, but not me. Definitely a kick in the shins. </p><p>Smh.</p><p>Like the family you once loved and trusted...the family that you nurtured and depended on just decided to up and move camp and you get left behind. Not a good feeling. I know.</p><p>If you're worried that people are judging you, my guess is some are, some aren't. If you're wondering if people know more than they're letting on, my guess is some are, some aren't and some don't care.</p><p>More people than you realise are in the same boat that you and I are in. They have teenage or adult children who have cut bait with no excuse, or have lied to others about their relationship with their parents/family.</p><p>Sorry to say that in the end there's not a lot you can do about any of it. </p><p>You can let time heal you. </p><p>Get involved in something outside yourself. Anything. </p><p>Eat good foods. Develop good sleep hygiene. Join a gym. Take up a craft. MeetUp.com has a gazillion things you can get involved in. It might help to take down old family photos for awhile. Stash 'em but don't trash 'em.</p><p>If you can afford it, get a therapist.</p><p>Look into a 12 step help group. Whatever will work best for you. </p><p>I like to limit my personal information on a 'need to know' basis. I've found that over the years, most people don't 'need to know'.</p><p>This is a lonely place you are in.</p><p>I've been there.</p><p>Oh, and last but not least I would NOT under any circumstances, babysit, house sit, dog sit or cat sit for any family member who felt comfortable with me being rejected from the family circle. And I don't. </p><p>Let me be clear. I would never EVER ask my kids or relatives to "take sides" for me.</p><p>I have a side already, and I'm on it!</p><p>I also know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was a great Mom...to all my kids, equally. There is always going to be that "you loved my brother or sister more" going on. It's the oldest trick in the book. I will not and do not buy it. Nope nope nope.</p><p>Anyways, sorry to drone on. </p><p>This subject, as I said, hit a nerve.</p><p>I have no surefire answers for <em>our </em>dilema, only to say that I know you never would have chosen things to end up this way.</p><p>Time to take care of you now. </p><p>Hugs.</p><p></p><p><strong>Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. </strong></p><p><a href="https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/elbert-hubbard-quotes" target="_blank">Elbert Hubbard</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Chasejazz, post: 752977, member: 24130"] Hello, and welcome Louise. I am sorry you had to find this site, but glad that you made it here where you are safe to tell your story and express your feelings. That being said, I'll say first off that your feelings are all valid. I too have a daughter (who's also my middle child), who one day out of the blue disconnected with me. That was over 6 years ago. I was left with a sadness in the deepest recesses of my being that churned inside of me day in and day out. It took hold and no matter what, would not let go. All these years later, I've managed to put it in a compartment in my brain that I try to not think about, but sometimes, (like coming across your post, or having her creep into my dreams) I'm forced to look at it and re-examine it once again. Like you, I have no idea why my daughter broke away from the family. Like you, she'd accused me at times of caring about her brothers more than I ever cared about her. She said she wished she had never been born. That she thought she was adopted. Not true. Like you, my daughter keeps contact with her brothers, but it is secreted from me and that is very hurtful. When she married about 5 years ago, she sent wedding invitations to her brothers, but excluded me from the wedding. That was when I truly realized that the mother/daughter relationship had ended. Last I heard, she lists her best friend from childhood's family as her own on Facebook. Mother, Father, sisters and brothers....she has essentially created a new alternate existence for herself. This in itself is a deep subject that I can't figure out, so I'll just leave it alone. You know, I see so many articles on the internet these days of adult kids, in particular, disowning their families. It's like a fad, A cult. Something. There's a convergence in this new millennium population, wherein the act like people and things are so disposable. Many have no true connection to any one or any thing. I really do think that has something to do with it. If the practice of cutting off your parents is so widely accepted (and I never heard of it in my day) then these kids feel absolutely no guilt about shutting out their parents without explanation. I have also read about this so-called Toxic Family Syndrome, brought on by new-wave psychologists, that encourage adult children to get rid of their biological families because of "toxic" child-rearing practices. The lists of what constitutes "toxic" is long and tedious, and are some down right stupid in my humble opinion, so I won't bore you with them. As far as my daughter is concerned, I have finally just let go of her. She was [I]of me but not a true part of me [/I]and now she'll make the rest of her journey as she has chosen. (I might add that she is my spitting image...eyes, hair, face, etc so, so much for getting away from me when mirrors are around!). I do feel your pain. It's very true and deep. It's sadness, anger, betrayal, mistrust. There's a very finite line in your heart when you feel you've lost the confidence of your children, and of other family members to boot. I might add that subsequently, my youngest son got married a few months ago and invited his dad, but not me. Definitely a kick in the shins. Smh. Like the family you once loved and trusted...the family that you nurtured and depended on just decided to up and move camp and you get left behind. Not a good feeling. I know. If you're worried that people are judging you, my guess is some are, some aren't. If you're wondering if people know more than they're letting on, my guess is some are, some aren't and some don't care. More people than you realise are in the same boat that you and I are in. They have teenage or adult children who have cut bait with no excuse, or have lied to others about their relationship with their parents/family. Sorry to say that in the end there's not a lot you can do about any of it. You can let time heal you. Get involved in something outside yourself. Anything. Eat good foods. Develop good sleep hygiene. Join a gym. Take up a craft. MeetUp.com has a gazillion things you can get involved in. It might help to take down old family photos for awhile. Stash 'em but don't trash 'em. If you can afford it, get a therapist. Look into a 12 step help group. Whatever will work best for you. I like to limit my personal information on a 'need to know' basis. I've found that over the years, most people don't 'need to know'. This is a lonely place you are in. I've been there. Oh, and last but not least I would NOT under any circumstances, babysit, house sit, dog sit or cat sit for any family member who felt comfortable with me being rejected from the family circle. And I don't. Let me be clear. I would never EVER ask my kids or relatives to "take sides" for me. I have a side already, and I'm on it! I also know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was a great Mom...to all my kids, equally. There is always going to be that "you loved my brother or sister more" going on. It's the oldest trick in the book. I will not and do not buy it. Nope nope nope. Anyways, sorry to drone on. This subject, as I said, hit a nerve. I have no surefire answers for [I]our [/I]dilema, only to say that I know you never would have chosen things to end up this way. Time to take care of you now. Hugs. [B]Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. [/B] [URL='https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/elbert-hubbard-quotes']Elbert Hubbard[/URL] [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Do others feel this way with other children too?
Top