Hello to all! I have been in Arkansas visiting my grandchildren. We have a healthy new grandson 
and I had a wonderful time.
I wanted to thank you all for the honesty of your responses. These kinds of feelings are so difficult to acknowledge ~ for me they are, anyway. As has been true for so much of this journey with my son, responding from a position of weakness or guilt has just made everything worse for both of us. Making sense of my own feelings has has enabled me to respond to him during this time with both compassion and honesty.
In addition, your comments and insights have helped me walk through this part without judging either my son or myself too harshly.
to Mikey for having become healthy enough to poke a little fun at the situation with your child. I remember how long it took me to even call my son a difficult child when I first started visiting the site. I remember how ashamed I was at what had happened to him, and how responsible I felt.
It is good to let those things go.
Humor will ease the way for this child to come back so much better than sadness, resentment or regret.
So, once again, thanks so much to all who have responded.
Just as an FYI kind of thing, difficult child has continued to make more frequent contact, both with us and with his sister.
Once, he even called his grandma.
I have been able to interact with him on a much different level, addressing issues of self-sabotage and defeatism almost without a second thought.
Maybe I am making it sound too easy. It has been difficult. In many ways, it is easier not to know how things are for them. I can make myself believe he is happy and conducting his affairs as he wishes when I am not confronted with the pain in his voice, with his loneliness, or with the reality of his current situation.
However this works out, he is worth the effort.
You all have helped me understand how to get us through this part ~ it was especially helpful to me to be reminded of the importance of maintaining our senses, both of humor and of separate self, when we are interacting with, or thinking about, our wayward kids.
Barbara
