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Parent Emeritus
Does Detachment = No Contact?
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<blockquote data-quote="nlj" data-source="post: 623497" data-attributes="member: 17650"><p>Hi Bunny. Welcome to the site and I hope you find it provides some relief from your stress. I don't have any expertise, I'm just sharing my thoughts as asked. I found that reading other people's experiences was extremely helpful. For me, detachment is how I deal with the situation in my own head. I've said this before. Others have different interpretations depending on their circumstances. My son is homeless through choice and lives in squalor with zero money, no sanitation, no job, filthy clothes (rags), massively overgrown beard and hair, scavenging food from dumpsters. He is currently squatting in a derelict farmhouse with no running water and no electricity. He's 27. He has a good degree from a good university. He has opted out of society. I no longer provide any money or any practical help. I pay for his cell phone and have sporadic phone contact with him and see him every few months. I haven't stopped loving him or being here for him but, financially, he's on his own. I certainly haven't detached from him in any physical way or in any way that seems like disowning him. I would never cut off contact with him. That's not what detachment means for me. I am sure that many mothers here will share their stories with you and those who have children dealing with similar issues to yours, will have loads of advice and support to offer you. I don't have experience of dealing with drug and alcohol problems, but I will follow this thread with interest and wish you well. The advice and support on this site has helped me to just accept my son as he is and accept that he's a grown man and has made his own choices that I have no control over. If you can reach that state of mind you will probably feel a lot less stressed and a lot more pragmatic about this sadness in your life. Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nlj, post: 623497, member: 17650"] Hi Bunny. Welcome to the site and I hope you find it provides some relief from your stress. I don't have any expertise, I'm just sharing my thoughts as asked. I found that reading other people's experiences was extremely helpful. For me, detachment is how I deal with the situation in my own head. I've said this before. Others have different interpretations depending on their circumstances. My son is homeless through choice and lives in squalor with zero money, no sanitation, no job, filthy clothes (rags), massively overgrown beard and hair, scavenging food from dumpsters. He is currently squatting in a derelict farmhouse with no running water and no electricity. He's 27. He has a good degree from a good university. He has opted out of society. I no longer provide any money or any practical help. I pay for his cell phone and have sporadic phone contact with him and see him every few months. I haven't stopped loving him or being here for him but, financially, he's on his own. I certainly haven't detached from him in any physical way or in any way that seems like disowning him. I would never cut off contact with him. That's not what detachment means for me. I am sure that many mothers here will share their stories with you and those who have children dealing with similar issues to yours, will have loads of advice and support to offer you. I don't have experience of dealing with drug and alcohol problems, but I will follow this thread with interest and wish you well. The advice and support on this site has helped me to just accept my son as he is and accept that he's a grown man and has made his own choices that I have no control over. If you can reach that state of mind you will probably feel a lot less stressed and a lot more pragmatic about this sadness in your life. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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