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Does Detachment = No Contact?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 623528" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Detachment isn't no contact to me. It's about not getting tangled up in 36s constant drama and setting boundaries. He can (and does) talk to me anytime he wants, but he he crosses a boundary, I will hang up. He knows the rules so it is his decision whether or not to follow them. I don't think they are that hard to do...don't scream at me so that the whole house can hear what you're saying through my phone, don't call me a nasty name with a special asterik toward any female body parts (I think that is the most disrespectful, vile thing a male can say about or to a female, especially his own mother, and I don't want to hear it) and he can't start a rant of blame on me. It has somewhat worked. We have more conversations where neither of us hang up on one another.</p><p></p><p>One thing I won't do is go into too much depth with him about his life and choices. I mostly listen and say "uh huh" or "ok" or "I see." Very little feedback from me. He is 36 and does not need my two cents and I don't desire to add fuel to the fire.</p><p></p><p>He also knows that if he's interested in a money train, he has to talk to my ex about it. Ex has more money and often hands him money of ghastly proportions and that is ex's decision and choice and he can do what he wants with his money. The fact that 36 makes a good living, has his own house, and would not need extra money if he didn't spent it on all his toys does not seem to bother ex enough to stop doing it, and it is not my business to talk to my ex about it. I feel I gave up that right when I filed for divorce and when we parted. At least I don't have to hear about the money he'd like me to send that I don't have and wouldn't send even if I did have it.</p><p></p><p>Detachment is mostly about my own emotions, my boundaries, and how not to ruin my own mental health by getting tired into knots over 36's endless drama. He can blow drama out of something that nobody else would even think twice about. Well, I have a husband, three other sweet children, a granddaughter-to-be who I am already over the moon about, and many interests and hobbies and now a job...I can not focus my entire life on 36. I try only to think about him when we are talking and I let him talk to me whenever he likes, as long as he is respectful.</p><p></p><p>To me, that is detachment. I never cut off communication with my daughter either, not even when she used drugs. I just cut off the money train and made her leave the house because she was breaking a strict rule that to live at home you can not break the law.</p><p></p><p>I have silence from Scott, but th at has gone on now for five/six years...I lost count and it was his decision, not mine.</p><p></p><p>Detachment is what you want it to mean.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 623528, member: 1550"] Detachment isn't no contact to me. It's about not getting tangled up in 36s constant drama and setting boundaries. He can (and does) talk to me anytime he wants, but he he crosses a boundary, I will hang up. He knows the rules so it is his decision whether or not to follow them. I don't think they are that hard to do...don't scream at me so that the whole house can hear what you're saying through my phone, don't call me a nasty name with a special asterik toward any female body parts (I think that is the most disrespectful, vile thing a male can say about or to a female, especially his own mother, and I don't want to hear it) and he can't start a rant of blame on me. It has somewhat worked. We have more conversations where neither of us hang up on one another. One thing I won't do is go into too much depth with him about his life and choices. I mostly listen and say "uh huh" or "ok" or "I see." Very little feedback from me. He is 36 and does not need my two cents and I don't desire to add fuel to the fire. He also knows that if he's interested in a money train, he has to talk to my ex about it. Ex has more money and often hands him money of ghastly proportions and that is ex's decision and choice and he can do what he wants with his money. The fact that 36 makes a good living, has his own house, and would not need extra money if he didn't spent it on all his toys does not seem to bother ex enough to stop doing it, and it is not my business to talk to my ex about it. I feel I gave up that right when I filed for divorce and when we parted. At least I don't have to hear about the money he'd like me to send that I don't have and wouldn't send even if I did have it. Detachment is mostly about my own emotions, my boundaries, and how not to ruin my own mental health by getting tired into knots over 36's endless drama. He can blow drama out of something that nobody else would even think twice about. Well, I have a husband, three other sweet children, a granddaughter-to-be who I am already over the moon about, and many interests and hobbies and now a job...I can not focus my entire life on 36. I try only to think about him when we are talking and I let him talk to me whenever he likes, as long as he is respectful. To me, that is detachment. I never cut off communication with my daughter either, not even when she used drugs. I just cut off the money train and made her leave the house because she was breaking a strict rule that to live at home you can not break the law. I have silence from Scott, but th at has gone on now for five/six years...I lost count and it was his decision, not mine. Detachment is what you want it to mean. [/QUOTE]
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