Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Does Detachment = No Contact?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 623536" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>If this were me, and I realize I'm not you, the knife would be history regardless of the volunteer fire dept. thing. And I'm not so sure our difficult children would make good volunteer fire people, to be honest. A gun? If I thought 36 owned a gun I'd never let him within walking distance of me, even in a crowd. He is way too impulsive. I'm so glad none of my kids have never even held a gun, most especially 36.</p><p></p><p>I'm pretty strict about the house rules. You break them, you leave until you are complying. Even smoking is not allowed in our house. I don't like it, it's a dirty habit, and nobody smokes in my house. Period. I don't care who you are. I'm fortunate that my one kid who did smoke (Julie) quit a long time ago. I don't even like people smoking near the house. They'd have to stand on the sidewalk...lol.</p><p></p><p>I was once a real doormat, but I've learned that my house is my castle. Just like my kid's homes are their castles and they can make whatever rules they like in their own homes and I will comply or, if I can not tolerate the rules, will not go there. I have also learned, after a long haul of being shoved around a lot, to respect ME. You don't like my simple rules about how I expect you to talk to me...no swearing at me, no female parts brought up in mockery, no screaming, no blaming me for your own mistakes...then you don't get the privilege of talking to me. I respect you and you respect me. It sounds so simple. With a difficult child it isn't. They seem to sometimes glory in testing us, even when they get to be middle age (36). I no longer let them pass the test.</p><p></p><p>But it took time, work on my part, and the wisdom of growing older.</p><p></p><p>One thing you may try with JT which has been very successful for me with 36 is to completely not respond to anything provocative he says. Nod your head absently or give no answer at all. In other words, don't throw any flames on the fire. No purpose in it. If he repeats it louder, like you are deaf, smile and say, "Yes, I heard you and I don't wish to talk about that." Then don't. Let him rant and rave until he gets it out of his system. He will learn that he can't provoke you so easily.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 623536, member: 1550"] If this were me, and I realize I'm not you, the knife would be history regardless of the volunteer fire dept. thing. And I'm not so sure our difficult children would make good volunteer fire people, to be honest. A gun? If I thought 36 owned a gun I'd never let him within walking distance of me, even in a crowd. He is way too impulsive. I'm so glad none of my kids have never even held a gun, most especially 36. I'm pretty strict about the house rules. You break them, you leave until you are complying. Even smoking is not allowed in our house. I don't like it, it's a dirty habit, and nobody smokes in my house. Period. I don't care who you are. I'm fortunate that my one kid who did smoke (Julie) quit a long time ago. I don't even like people smoking near the house. They'd have to stand on the sidewalk...lol. I was once a real doormat, but I've learned that my house is my castle. Just like my kid's homes are their castles and they can make whatever rules they like in their own homes and I will comply or, if I can not tolerate the rules, will not go there. I have also learned, after a long haul of being shoved around a lot, to respect ME. You don't like my simple rules about how I expect you to talk to me...no swearing at me, no female parts brought up in mockery, no screaming, no blaming me for your own mistakes...then you don't get the privilege of talking to me. I respect you and you respect me. It sounds so simple. With a difficult child it isn't. They seem to sometimes glory in testing us, even when they get to be middle age (36). I no longer let them pass the test. But it took time, work on my part, and the wisdom of growing older. One thing you may try with JT which has been very successful for me with 36 is to completely not respond to anything provocative he says. Nod your head absently or give no answer at all. In other words, don't throw any flames on the fire. No purpose in it. If he repeats it louder, like you are deaf, smile and say, "Yes, I heard you and I don't wish to talk about that." Then don't. Let him rant and rave until he gets it out of his system. He will learn that he can't provoke you so easily. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Does Detachment = No Contact?
Top