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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 95791" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I ABSOLUTELY 1100% agree with SusieStar! </p><p></p><p>Someone one time after I felt like you do Prayerful said to me - So your child is making you crazy huh? I nodded through tears. And you wish you could get a break for 10 minutes - not asking a lot is it? No I nodded again. You think you are responsible for some of his behaviors and the way he acts is because of choices in your life? I nodded in agreement. And if he had been born green that would have been your fault too? Started to nod and was like "WHAT?" NO, I er.....green? "He's not green." I said and they looked at me and said "Well you seem to be blaming yourself for everything else, not taking care of yourself, eaten up with guilt - you never take time for you so I assumed you felt that all his problems were YOURS." I sat for a minute and said "But all his problems ARE NOT mine." and the person said "THEN WHY DO YOU ACT LIKE THEY ARE ALL THE TIME?" - (I didn't realize I did) </p><p></p><p>Then this person said "You know sometimes a baby deer is born white. No one jumps up and says OH MY GOSH THAT DEER gave birth to a freak of nature it's all the Doe's fault or the Bucks fault - the deer just is what it is - not anyones fault." Living with a difficult child is a lot like having that white deer - it's a unique creature give to you to Mother and parent the best way you can. One day at a time. In the mean time - you HAVE to take care of yourself. You have to find a way to make time for silence, peace, you, and without guilt. </p><p></p><p>Don't second guess yourself - eliminate SHOULD HAVE from your vocabulary because if you were supposed to do what you should have at the time you would have - instead you did what you did and it's done. Get it? At the time you make decisions for difficult child - you don't sit there and go well I'm going to make the worst decision and in 10 minutes say "I should have done it different" You DO what you do at that moment for your child because you did the best you could. No one could ask more of you. </p><p></p><p>If on the other hand you don't feel like you are doing the best you can - get or seek help. If you have help and you still feel like you aren't doing the best you can - get MORE help. Get so much help that eventually you can walk away from this bad situation and concentrate on you and your baby. And as far as trying to "figure it all out" why he behaves like he does, or why he does the things he does - girl - leme tell ya - you will go CRAZY if you don't stop it. </p><p></p><p>I used to think many years ago, that if I could JUST figure out WHAT it is that makes difficult child upset, angry, act out - you know like someone did something to him and this is why he (fill in the blank) I would be able to find the CURE. Kinda like if your kid is throwing up and running a fever - you take them to the ER, they get tests, blood work and in 2-5 hours the doctor comes in and says Mrs. Star your son has the flu. We're giving him a prescription and he'll be fine in 5 days. So you take the sick kid home, give him the prescription or (miracle cure) and in 5 days he's better. I kept thinking with every pill or placement my son would be CURED&gt; There is NO cure for this. He is who he is, and he's going to be who he is. No amount of begging or crying or near death experience on my part, or any other Mother's part here will change the behaviors of a difficult child. BELIEVE ME we've all tried. </p><p></p><p>What a lot of us with older kids know that some moms with younger kids don't is just that - there is no cure. SO take care of yourself, educate yourself about things like your sons rights - YOUR rights to be safe in your own home. (Danger to self or others) is criteria the hospital needs to put a child into a psychiatric. hospital. No one wants their kids there - but look at the alternatives. And you have to keep your strength up - you have a son that is going to take you for a ride and a 1/2 - so you need to be well rested, and above all hopeful and like your name says Prayerful. Ignore any part of this and it WILL get worse. </p><p>I think some days my name in Hebrew would have been "THE CHOSEN ONE" the way God figured I could handle and parent this child of mine. I'm lucky to have figured out in the last 2 years that I deserve a life. Now I'm living it - and difficult child is living his. A goal for sure. </p><p></p><p>Good job on the IEP. If you need help with suggestions we're here and there are a TON of articles to read in the archives here on IEPS, what to ask for. LIke homework - does it stress him out? Did you know you can write in - NO HOMEWORK. And you can DEMAND a shadow for him in school to help walk with him and pull him out of class if he gets over stimulated? AT NO CHARGE TO YOU. and the district pays for it. THere are lots of things that you can do for your son - for me the best thing I did was get educated. For myself too. Once I knew how the system worked it was easier to figure out what to ask for. I knew I had finally gotten to them when I walked in a meeting with my "sons crew" and they had to get more chairs and the principal made a face to the district psychologist - PRICELESS - I knew they KNEW what I was asking for and wouldn't take anything less. Your son deserves the same. GO GET EM WARRIOR MOM! </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>STar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 95791, member: 4964"] I ABSOLUTELY 1100% agree with SusieStar! Someone one time after I felt like you do Prayerful said to me - So your child is making you crazy huh? I nodded through tears. And you wish you could get a break for 10 minutes - not asking a lot is it? No I nodded again. You think you are responsible for some of his behaviors and the way he acts is because of choices in your life? I nodded in agreement. And if he had been born green that would have been your fault too? Started to nod and was like "WHAT?" NO, I er.....green? "He's not green." I said and they looked at me and said "Well you seem to be blaming yourself for everything else, not taking care of yourself, eaten up with guilt - you never take time for you so I assumed you felt that all his problems were YOURS." I sat for a minute and said "But all his problems ARE NOT mine." and the person said "THEN WHY DO YOU ACT LIKE THEY ARE ALL THE TIME?" - (I didn't realize I did) Then this person said "You know sometimes a baby deer is born white. No one jumps up and says OH MY GOSH THAT DEER gave birth to a freak of nature it's all the Doe's fault or the Bucks fault - the deer just is what it is - not anyones fault." Living with a difficult child is a lot like having that white deer - it's a unique creature give to you to Mother and parent the best way you can. One day at a time. In the mean time - you HAVE to take care of yourself. You have to find a way to make time for silence, peace, you, and without guilt. Don't second guess yourself - eliminate SHOULD HAVE from your vocabulary because if you were supposed to do what you should have at the time you would have - instead you did what you did and it's done. Get it? At the time you make decisions for difficult child - you don't sit there and go well I'm going to make the worst decision and in 10 minutes say "I should have done it different" You DO what you do at that moment for your child because you did the best you could. No one could ask more of you. If on the other hand you don't feel like you are doing the best you can - get or seek help. If you have help and you still feel like you aren't doing the best you can - get MORE help. Get so much help that eventually you can walk away from this bad situation and concentrate on you and your baby. And as far as trying to "figure it all out" why he behaves like he does, or why he does the things he does - girl - leme tell ya - you will go CRAZY if you don't stop it. I used to think many years ago, that if I could JUST figure out WHAT it is that makes difficult child upset, angry, act out - you know like someone did something to him and this is why he (fill in the blank) I would be able to find the CURE. Kinda like if your kid is throwing up and running a fever - you take them to the ER, they get tests, blood work and in 2-5 hours the doctor comes in and says Mrs. Star your son has the flu. We're giving him a prescription and he'll be fine in 5 days. So you take the sick kid home, give him the prescription or (miracle cure) and in 5 days he's better. I kept thinking with every pill or placement my son would be CURED> There is NO cure for this. He is who he is, and he's going to be who he is. No amount of begging or crying or near death experience on my part, or any other Mother's part here will change the behaviors of a difficult child. BELIEVE ME we've all tried. What a lot of us with older kids know that some moms with younger kids don't is just that - there is no cure. SO take care of yourself, educate yourself about things like your sons rights - YOUR rights to be safe in your own home. (Danger to self or others) is criteria the hospital needs to put a child into a psychiatric. hospital. No one wants their kids there - but look at the alternatives. And you have to keep your strength up - you have a son that is going to take you for a ride and a 1/2 - so you need to be well rested, and above all hopeful and like your name says Prayerful. Ignore any part of this and it WILL get worse. I think some days my name in Hebrew would have been "THE CHOSEN ONE" the way God figured I could handle and parent this child of mine. I'm lucky to have figured out in the last 2 years that I deserve a life. Now I'm living it - and difficult child is living his. A goal for sure. Good job on the IEP. If you need help with suggestions we're here and there are a TON of articles to read in the archives here on IEPS, what to ask for. LIke homework - does it stress him out? Did you know you can write in - NO HOMEWORK. And you can DEMAND a shadow for him in school to help walk with him and pull him out of class if he gets over stimulated? AT NO CHARGE TO YOU. and the district pays for it. THere are lots of things that you can do for your son - for me the best thing I did was get educated. For myself too. Once I knew how the system worked it was easier to figure out what to ask for. I knew I had finally gotten to them when I walked in a meeting with my "sons crew" and they had to get more chairs and the principal made a face to the district psychologist - PRICELESS - I knew they KNEW what I was asking for and wouldn't take anything less. Your son deserves the same. GO GET EM WARRIOR MOM! Hugs STar [/QUOTE]
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