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easy child's moving on sat.
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<blockquote data-quote="rlsnights" data-source="post: 419934" data-attributes="member: 7948"><p>Jena -</p><p></p><p>You are held in my heart right now. The last month before difficult child 1 turned 18 were a true nightmare for us and, while different in many details, your story still sounds very familiar.</p><p></p><p>For our difficult child 1 those last few weeks were mostly about getting our complete, undivided and tortured attention. I know our difficult child didn't understand why he was doing what he was doing. I know he didn't know what he wanted or how to do anything differently. I think he felt at least as crazy on the inside as he was acting on the outside. I know for a fact that he was absolutely and totally terrified of turning 18 and being an "adult".</p><p></p><p>But he was equally desperate to be "free" of home and family and rules. The torture he felt on the inside because he was caught between these two extremes was something he just couldn't hold within himself. So he spilled all that psychic fear and pain and anger out on all of us.</p><p></p><p>You are right I think to just let her go and not demand a lot of details or show that you care too much about her leaving - even while it is tearing you apart inside. The drama/trauma of it all must stop in order for any of you to move forward (let alone heal) and you are each taking steps to stop it. Not making a lot of demands for info from easy child feels to me like an almost respectful way of treating her right now. She has stepped up to the plate and taken the responsibility to move out. Perhaps it's your turn to step up to the plate by letting her go.</p><p></p><p>And in the meantime remember that today is just that - only today. Tomorrow and the day after and the day after that - are not here yet and no one can predict what will come then. The fears that are eating you alive right now are not "real". Those things have not happened. They may never happen. Do not water those fears with your strength and attention. Starve them by staying focused in the moment. The best way I have found to do that is to pay attention - to really truly stop and study the things and people around me. The sky, the flowers, the pets, children, friends, art. Those are the things that are real. Give them your attention and they will bring you a measure of peace.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/starplucker.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":starplucker:" title="starplucker :starplucker:" data-shortname=":starplucker:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rlsnights, post: 419934, member: 7948"] Jena - You are held in my heart right now. The last month before difficult child 1 turned 18 were a true nightmare for us and, while different in many details, your story still sounds very familiar. For our difficult child 1 those last few weeks were mostly about getting our complete, undivided and tortured attention. I know our difficult child didn't understand why he was doing what he was doing. I know he didn't know what he wanted or how to do anything differently. I think he felt at least as crazy on the inside as he was acting on the outside. I know for a fact that he was absolutely and totally terrified of turning 18 and being an "adult". But he was equally desperate to be "free" of home and family and rules. The torture he felt on the inside because he was caught between these two extremes was something he just couldn't hold within himself. So he spilled all that psychic fear and pain and anger out on all of us. You are right I think to just let her go and not demand a lot of details or show that you care too much about her leaving - even while it is tearing you apart inside. The drama/trauma of it all must stop in order for any of you to move forward (let alone heal) and you are each taking steps to stop it. Not making a lot of demands for info from easy child feels to me like an almost respectful way of treating her right now. She has stepped up to the plate and taken the responsibility to move out. Perhaps it's your turn to step up to the plate by letting her go. And in the meantime remember that today is just that - only today. Tomorrow and the day after and the day after that - are not here yet and no one can predict what will come then. The fears that are eating you alive right now are not "real". Those things have not happened. They may never happen. Do not water those fears with your strength and attention. Starve them by staying focused in the moment. The best way I have found to do that is to pay attention - to really truly stop and study the things and people around me. The sky, the flowers, the pets, children, friends, art. Those are the things that are real. Give them your attention and they will bring you a measure of peace. :starplucker: [/QUOTE]
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