Oh, I hated thinking of the woman who gave birth to me as a Controller. It went against nature, right? Not really. Not everyone who gives birth can nurture, which is why adoption works.Or can work.
My mother was always a Controller. She ran the family. Ten years after her death, she still does. She had sidekicks, like my uncle and his wife, who didn't really know me but nodded their heads in agreement with her bashing of me.
Death doesn't automatically end the control a strong Controller has on the family. Then "her wishes" become the Law of the Land.
Bah. I'm so done with that.
My mom's Controller was my grandmother who loved me a lot. I was the golden child to her, which set up my mom's using me as blacksheep and repeating the cycle. Yes, the cycle will repeat until some brave person who sees it is wrong...makes strong efforts not to repeat it with their own family. Abused kids are much more apt to abuse their own kids, even if they vow to themselves they won't, because they don't know any other way to make a child "behave" other than to yell abuse or to strike physically. All abused kids should have counseling before having kids of their own so they can learn better coping skills.Just as a safeguard. When I hear, "I was whipped with a belt and it didn't hurt me none, in fact I deserved it, so, yes, I will take Johnny behind the woodshed and whip him with a belt" I just cringe. The abused person believes the abuse was good for him and repeats it. That is the ultimate self-delusion at an attempt to make the parent seem like a normal one. And the cycle continues. "Nobody is gonna stop me from whippin' my kid."
And so our country lags behind others is allowing physical abuse, sometimes even at school, fortunately not in my state. It would never happen to my kids anyways. Or I should say I never would have allowed it. They would have been afraid to have done it. But I didn't have that to deal with. Doubt I'd live anywhere if a teacher was allowed to hit my kid when I didn't even do it...
I had lots of counseling before I had any children.
