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<blockquote data-quote="dstc_99" data-source="post: 629595" data-attributes="member: 15473"><p>My mother is bi-polar and since her diagnosis about 20 years ago there has only been one time when she has behaved like my "real" mom. The rest of the time she is so wrapped up in her pain and her issues that she doesnt seem to be able to think about others. I almost resent that time. Even though it was only a week or so I was so happy to have her back and my dad was happier than I have ever seen him. It gave me hope that she was still in there and that we might someday break through the shell and get her back.</p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately that glimpse of her makes me cautious when dealing with difficult child's brief moments of easy child behavior. I don't trust that it will last. I guard my feelings and reactions regardless of difficult child's current state of mind. In reality dealing with my mom's GFGness prepared me for my difficult child's actions. I'm not going to say it still doesnt hurt when things happen or that I am perfect at detaching from it BUT I know that empty feeling and it doesnt hurt quite as much because I know I will survive.</p><p> </p><p>My new reality is that my mom is so different and so needy that I can't deal with her most of the time. I still grieve for that mom I used to know and while I know deep down that she is in there I am not in control of the situation. The hardest realization is figuring out she is not in total control of the situation either. It is easy to blame her for her condition but reality is that none of this is her fault. The horrible way she cares for the disease is her fault but it is also the disease and its treatments that make her have times when caring for herself is very difficult. Its a no win situation as long as she is in control and my dad enables her to stay that way.</p><p> </p><p>My new reality with difficult child is that I accept the good and walk away from the bad. She is learning quickly that I wont engage her. I walk away or get off the phone. Thats not to say I ignore the situation its just that I don't deal with it until she and I are in a place to do it constructively.</p><p> </p><p>I wish you peace. I know how hard it is to find peace when dealing with this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dstc_99, post: 629595, member: 15473"] My mother is bi-polar and since her diagnosis about 20 years ago there has only been one time when she has behaved like my "real" mom. The rest of the time she is so wrapped up in her pain and her issues that she doesnt seem to be able to think about others. I almost resent that time. Even though it was only a week or so I was so happy to have her back and my dad was happier than I have ever seen him. It gave me hope that she was still in there and that we might someday break through the shell and get her back. Unfortunately that glimpse of her makes me cautious when dealing with difficult child's brief moments of easy child behavior. I don't trust that it will last. I guard my feelings and reactions regardless of difficult child's current state of mind. In reality dealing with my mom's GFGness prepared me for my difficult child's actions. I'm not going to say it still doesnt hurt when things happen or that I am perfect at detaching from it BUT I know that empty feeling and it doesnt hurt quite as much because I know I will survive. My new reality is that my mom is so different and so needy that I can't deal with her most of the time. I still grieve for that mom I used to know and while I know deep down that she is in there I am not in control of the situation. The hardest realization is figuring out she is not in total control of the situation either. It is easy to blame her for her condition but reality is that none of this is her fault. The horrible way she cares for the disease is her fault but it is also the disease and its treatments that make her have times when caring for herself is very difficult. Its a no win situation as long as she is in control and my dad enables her to stay that way. My new reality with difficult child is that I accept the good and walk away from the bad. She is learning quickly that I wont engage her. I walk away or get off the phone. Thats not to say I ignore the situation its just that I don't deal with it until she and I are in a place to do it constructively. I wish you peace. I know how hard it is to find peace when dealing with this. [/QUOTE]
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