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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 629638" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Try, there was a recent thread about whether or not it's "good" to have hope or put hope aside when dealing with the ups and downs of a difficult child. </p><p></p><p>I STILL have mixed emotions about it. I believe a person can always change and that is always a possibility. Believing that is allowing for hope.</p><p></p><p>But actively hoping, waiting for change, watching for it, holding our breath when we think we see a glimpse of it, only to crash all the way back down...that is hope laced with expectations. </p><p></p><p>Having expectations is what gets us in trouble every time. </p><p></p><p>Of course you don't want her working in a bad place. But there is some good news here---she is working and she is wanting to work MORE. I love that. </p><p></p><p>We can't control outcomes. And whatever path our difficult children take is going to be crooked and one step forward, two steps back, and filled with questionable decisions (for us).</p><p></p><p>We have to let it happen. We can't do it for them. We can safeguard them from all of the things they decide to do, and all of the fits and starts that they will encounter.</p><p></p><p>It's so hard to watch. It's so painful. That is why distance is a godsend. Backing off, allowing some physical distance between us and them, is all we can do. </p><p></p><p>And then we worry. I know last night I woke up three times, and difficult child flashed into my head. Where is he? Is he sleeping somewhere? Is he safe? Is he scared? </p><p></p><p>Every time I said, God, I'm giving him to you right now. Please put your arms around him and keep him safe.</p><p></p><p>And you know what? I was able to go right back to sleep. I don't know why that worked for me last night, but it did. </p><p></p><p>I am gradually getting up off the floor after my downturn this week. I went to an AlAnon meeting Thursday night and cried and blubbered all the way through it, just giving the other two people there my stream of consciousness about difficult child. They listened, nodded and were so empathetic in their responses to me. I could feel them coming alongside me in my pain and my grief.</p><p></p><p>And then, I went again last night. I was so much better. I was able to be open and honest and participate but I wasn't a wreck like I had been the night before.</p><p></p><p>I am so thankful for the tools of recovery. If I use them, I will get better. I am so thankful for all of you on this forum. </p><p></p><p>This is the hardest road we will ever walk in our lives, I believe. We need support. We need help. We need tools. We need the thoughts and ideas of others. We need love and kindness and empathy. Thanks for giving all of that to me, time and time again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 629638, member: 17542"] Try, there was a recent thread about whether or not it's "good" to have hope or put hope aside when dealing with the ups and downs of a difficult child. I STILL have mixed emotions about it. I believe a person can always change and that is always a possibility. Believing that is allowing for hope. But actively hoping, waiting for change, watching for it, holding our breath when we think we see a glimpse of it, only to crash all the way back down...that is hope laced with expectations. Having expectations is what gets us in trouble every time. Of course you don't want her working in a bad place. But there is some good news here---she is working and she is wanting to work MORE. I love that. We can't control outcomes. And whatever path our difficult children take is going to be crooked and one step forward, two steps back, and filled with questionable decisions (for us). We have to let it happen. We can't do it for them. We can safeguard them from all of the things they decide to do, and all of the fits and starts that they will encounter. It's so hard to watch. It's so painful. That is why distance is a godsend. Backing off, allowing some physical distance between us and them, is all we can do. And then we worry. I know last night I woke up three times, and difficult child flashed into my head. Where is he? Is he sleeping somewhere? Is he safe? Is he scared? Every time I said, God, I'm giving him to you right now. Please put your arms around him and keep him safe. And you know what? I was able to go right back to sleep. I don't know why that worked for me last night, but it did. I am gradually getting up off the floor after my downturn this week. I went to an AlAnon meeting Thursday night and cried and blubbered all the way through it, just giving the other two people there my stream of consciousness about difficult child. They listened, nodded and were so empathetic in their responses to me. I could feel them coming alongside me in my pain and my grief. And then, I went again last night. I was so much better. I was able to be open and honest and participate but I wasn't a wreck like I had been the night before. I am so thankful for the tools of recovery. If I use them, I will get better. I am so thankful for all of you on this forum. This is the hardest road we will ever walk in our lives, I believe. We need support. We need help. We need tools. We need the thoughts and ideas of others. We need love and kindness and empathy. Thanks for giving all of that to me, time and time again. [/QUOTE]
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