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Email from difficult child-- do I (how) respond?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 619234" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Well, I would hold out for the mediator and perhaps give it some time..............a break from all the drama and continuing emails. Often our kids can do the constant manipulating and negotiating and acting like a prosecuting attorney and I don't know about you, but I can't do that for long, it completely wears me out.</p><p></p><p>If your parents are wealthy and your dad worships difficult child, then difficult child's college and future are pretty much assured, so why worry? Allow them to live in the dysfunction together and you step out. They are using you as the scapegoat for their toxicity so if you exit out of it, they will need to find someone else to blame, usually it will be one of the three of them...............if your difficult child is acting like your Dad, then he will treat you the way they have.............and you're right, they have probably shared all of their opinions of you with him to convince him of their "rightness."</p><p></p><p>My detachment from my difficult child was actually quite linear, going from not responding to the relentless emails........to not responding to the relentless phone calls, to not responding at all. We do that as we get comfortable with the process and work through our guilt, resentment, anger, sorrow, dreams for them, fear for them and when we really see how they manipulate us and how they offer us very little except their negative opinions of us.</p><p></p><p>It hurts to realize that when we stop giving so much to them, in many cases, our value to them diminishes rapidly. I rarely see or hear from my daughter anymore, which is sad to me when I put any thought in to it, when I stopped enabling her, she pretty much stopped contacting me. That was at times hard to take and hurt me.........but as I progressed through, I realized it's another thing I cannot control nor can I change that..........sad as it is, it is what it is. I am powerless to shift that.</p><p></p><p>I know this is hard BITS, but stay the course, you are doing a good job negotiating this landscape.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 619234, member: 13542"] Well, I would hold out for the mediator and perhaps give it some time..............a break from all the drama and continuing emails. Often our kids can do the constant manipulating and negotiating and acting like a prosecuting attorney and I don't know about you, but I can't do that for long, it completely wears me out. If your parents are wealthy and your dad worships difficult child, then difficult child's college and future are pretty much assured, so why worry? Allow them to live in the dysfunction together and you step out. They are using you as the scapegoat for their toxicity so if you exit out of it, they will need to find someone else to blame, usually it will be one of the three of them...............if your difficult child is acting like your Dad, then he will treat you the way they have.............and you're right, they have probably shared all of their opinions of you with him to convince him of their "rightness." My detachment from my difficult child was actually quite linear, going from not responding to the relentless emails........to not responding to the relentless phone calls, to not responding at all. We do that as we get comfortable with the process and work through our guilt, resentment, anger, sorrow, dreams for them, fear for them and when we really see how they manipulate us and how they offer us very little except their negative opinions of us. It hurts to realize that when we stop giving so much to them, in many cases, our value to them diminishes rapidly. I rarely see or hear from my daughter anymore, which is sad to me when I put any thought in to it, when I stopped enabling her, she pretty much stopped contacting me. That was at times hard to take and hurt me.........but as I progressed through, I realized it's another thing I cannot control nor can I change that..........sad as it is, it is what it is. I am powerless to shift that. I know this is hard BITS, but stay the course, you are doing a good job negotiating this landscape. [/QUOTE]
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Email from difficult child-- do I (how) respond?
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