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Family of Origin
Embracing dysfunction
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 630094" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Suzir, thanks for your posts here. I like thinking about what you wrote and what truths there may be in your writings, for me.</p><p></p><p>I grew up way way too soon as well, had to as the oldest child of four, with one child who was sick her whole life and died at age 23. My parents were very preoccupied with keeping her alive and keeping the family going, so I had to grow up quick and be a very responsible Mother's helper early on. </p><p></p><p>Earlier in my life I resented it and I had to work through it in therapy for years but now I see that it was what it was and it created some very good qualities in me as well. </p><p></p><p>I became a fixer and a manager and wow, I could fix and manage most anything. I was good at it.</p><p></p><p>But it doesn't work with addiction, so I met my match in that with my husband (now ex) and then my son. </p><p></p><p>The whole trip has been very good for me and I am a much better person today. I like myself better. I feel much more at peace inside. More complete and less anxious and more accepting of myself and other people.</p><p></p><p>So that leads to a realization---in sync with you here---about accepting that the world is full of dysfunction and hurt and instead of rejecting it outright and trying only to be with people who are "safe", instead what about going into each relationship clear-eyed, with good boundaries, to see what MIGHT work. </p><p></p><p>We are all such struggling human beings, and life is chaotic and messy and forward/backward. </p><p></p><p>I have no desire to be immersed in a world of hurt, and I am very much a feelings person and feel things deeply, but I can also see the yin and the yang of it so much more readily these days. </p><p></p><p>I too have no desire to be cold, hard and callous. I would rather feel the pain of broken trust than to have not put myself out there to trust. </p><p></p><p>Good things to ponder, Suzir. Thanks for your willingness to share openly about this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 630094, member: 17542"] Suzir, thanks for your posts here. I like thinking about what you wrote and what truths there may be in your writings, for me. I grew up way way too soon as well, had to as the oldest child of four, with one child who was sick her whole life and died at age 23. My parents were very preoccupied with keeping her alive and keeping the family going, so I had to grow up quick and be a very responsible Mother's helper early on. Earlier in my life I resented it and I had to work through it in therapy for years but now I see that it was what it was and it created some very good qualities in me as well. I became a fixer and a manager and wow, I could fix and manage most anything. I was good at it. But it doesn't work with addiction, so I met my match in that with my husband (now ex) and then my son. The whole trip has been very good for me and I am a much better person today. I like myself better. I feel much more at peace inside. More complete and less anxious and more accepting of myself and other people. So that leads to a realization---in sync with you here---about accepting that the world is full of dysfunction and hurt and instead of rejecting it outright and trying only to be with people who are "safe", instead what about going into each relationship clear-eyed, with good boundaries, to see what MIGHT work. We are all such struggling human beings, and life is chaotic and messy and forward/backward. I have no desire to be immersed in a world of hurt, and I am very much a feelings person and feel things deeply, but I can also see the yin and the yang of it so much more readily these days. I too have no desire to be cold, hard and callous. I would rather feel the pain of broken trust than to have not put myself out there to trust. Good things to ponder, Suzir. Thanks for your willingness to share openly about this. [/QUOTE]
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